


What happens in Ostagar

by annaF



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Inquisition spoilers (chapter 10), Light Angst, Love, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Romance, Rough Sex, Sleepwalking, Smut, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2018-04-29 07:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 59,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5120240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annaF/pseuds/annaF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone put Loghain and Kallian in an awkward situation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The bride

It had been at least ten hours since they reached Ostagar and Tabris already felt as a prisoner. She tried to escape, only to discover that the only way out is feet first.

 

Now she was standing in the middle of mages, soldiers and terrified elven servants, thinking that maybe, death wasn’t the worst fate.

 

Duncan’s deep voice startled her.

 

“You have been in Teyrn Loghain’s tent?”

 

“Yes. No. I only met him outside of his tent.”

 

“I’m not going to ask what matter an elf could possibly discuss with a Teyrn, but maybe what you did can be useful to our order”

 

“What do you mean?” Tabris had a bad feeling about this. She felt it in her guts.

 

“The king believes that his father in law isn’t getting as much amusement as he should.”

 

Tabris felt her body going numb. What kind of irony was that? She killed a filthy shemlen lord only to find herself offered to another. Someone up there must hate her to let this happen.

 

“Don’t look at me like this girl! You brought it upon yourself. One of Cailan’s guards heard the Teyrn complementing your beauty and the king had the idea to offer Loghain a gift hoping the man will see things his way.”

 

Cailan was persuaded that the only obstacle preventing Loghain from taking his side was his advanced age. To be precise, it was rather the lack of women in the Teyrn’s life that Cailan blamed for his uptight attitude. Accordingly, the young king though that pushing a woman into his arms would make him remember what it was like to be young and hot blooded and eager to have heirs…

 

Duncan agreed, encouraged him, and told him the elf was no lady after all. It would be an honor for her to pleasure the Teyrn. He kept from telling him why she slaughtered an entire estate. Also he avoided clarifying that Loghain had always been that cold and strict. No cunt was able to set the fire to his frozen heart not even one as sweet as the young elf’s quim.

 

“I’m no gift shemlen!” Tabris hissed ready to fight. It wasn’t today that she would let a human dishonor her.

 

“You’ll be whatever the king decides that you are” Duncan laughed. “But your bravery does you credit” He added before stepping closer and threatening

 

“You are a criminal under my protection, without it; imagine what the lords present here would do to the knife-ear who murdered the son of beloved Arl Uriel”

 

Tabris felt her knees shacking with fear and rage “you are bluffing! you need me.”

 

“What I need more is the king’s gratitude”

 

The young woman lowered her head, fists and teeth clenched. Was she stupid enough to attack him? He wondered.

 

“Now go to my tent, there are, hot water, soap, and a dress. Clean yourself and go to the Teyrn’s tent. I believe you already know where it is.”

 

“Maker damn you!” Tabris spat.

 

Duncan chuckled. How long after seeing the hoards of Darkspwans, would she still believe that the Maker gave a fuck about them?

 

“one last thing”  he paused “you play the damsel in distress and tell Loghain that we are forcing you and I will throw you myself to the angry mob. Not even he can protect a noble man’s murderer”

 

Being poor, a woman and an elf was a deadly combination especially when you have pride. And it wasn’t her mother who would say otherwise. if she didn’t want to end up like her, dead or even worst she had to do as the humans said

 

 

 

Loghain didn’t seem to notice the guard standing before him, he was too concentrated on his maps and on chewing that Maker damned dried meat. Not only it tasted like old shoes but it had the same texture.

 

“Your Grace!” the guard mumbled

 

“What now!” Loghain sighed.

 

“Pardon me, sir, the…elf from before, she demands an audience…she says that she was sent by the king”

 

Loghain’s eyes narrowed. The girl didn’t give the impression  that she was  foolish. Why would she use this lie twice to meet him?

 

“Let her in” he ordered before he brought the cup of wine to his lips. Maybe the evening wouldn’t be as dull as he expected, he though, as he emptied his cup to the lees.

 

 

 

She washed her hair, he could tell. Her dark hair cascaded in brilliant waves over her thin shoulders. She was wearing a fine dress exposing more than it should of her beautiful cleavage. The light fabric held tight her slim waist and narrow hips. She looked so pretty, soft skin and delicate bones. She stood awkwardly in front of his desk. Avoiding meeting his sharp gaze.

 

He crossed his arms over his chest and asked

 

“So you are here to deliver a message from the king?”

 

He sounded amused and skeptical until Kallian handed him a sealed letter.

 

She decided that his shocked expression was one of her favorites.

 

 

Loghain frowned as he read the letter. He was angry she could see it. How he glared to the piece of paper she half expected him to stab it to death.

 

When his eyes finally met hers, his cold gaze made her shiver.

 

“So I assume you know why you were sent here child.”

 

“I am no child!”

 

“You are a child” he stated

 

He poured himself another cup of wine and set on his wooden chair

 

“You transformed the Arl of Denerim’s estate into a blood bath … and yet you come here to… offer yourself for my amusement?”

 

“I don’t mind if it’s you…you are not like the others” She lied.

 

“I am overjoyed by your testimony!” he said maliciously

 

Loghain crumpled up the letter and flung it on the ground.

 

“Little one, I’m like the others if not worst… go now!”

 

Tabris picked the piece of paper and before Loghain could object she was reading it.

 

_“You are the one always complaining about the quality of the meat. I hope my gift will please your fine palate._

_Take some pleasure, Loghain: this is an order from your king.”_

 

Meat…for them, she was only meat, to fuck or to throw to a horde of monsters. Duncan didn’t even bother to stop Vaughan at the wedding. No one cared. And now if she leaves this tent without the thick semen of that man dripping from her cunt as evidence, she would be thrown to the wolves.

 

Tabris let the letter fall from her shaking hand. If she was to be used like a whore, the least she could do was to ensure that the sordid transaction would turn to her benefit…The Teyrn was after all sensitive to her charms.

 

When she raised her head and met his eyes, she showed determination instead of bitterness.

 

“It says this is an order from the king” she stated as she walked toward his desk and added “you too seem to have little choice in this” she shrugged her shoulders

 

 Loghain chuckled and made a sign for her to come closer.

 

She had to measure every gesture, every word, and every glance.

 

She walked slowly to him, swinging her hips as he watched eyes half lidded and erection already visible through his thin pants. When she got at his reach he pulled her forward until she stood between his legs. She didn’t know what she was supposed to do next. A smile stretched the corner of his mouth as he slid his hands from her waist to her perfect little ass to finally place them behind her thighs and guide her until she was set astride in his lap her face inches from his.

 

How was she supposed to seduce him if she had a hard time trying to catch her breath…while he barely touched her!

 

“What is your name, girl?” he asked his voice softer than usual

 

“Kallian, my lord” she panted

 

His large hands pulled her dress up her thighs slowly and sneaked under it to grab her bottom. He growled when he felt no small clothes to obstruct his exploration.

 

She almost jumped off his lap when his fingers brushed against her cunt. He seized the back of her neck with his large hand bringing their foreheads together as he continued caressing her

 

She wasn’t wet yet, but he would change that.

 

Kallian felt his calloused hands on her soft skin, as she inhaled his tangy masculine scent. Everything about him was so deliciously masculine, his board shoulder, his muscular thighs, and especially that hardness that was pressing against her cunt.

 

She didn’t know what to do with her hands as they remained on his shoulders, grasping his shirt.

 

 Would the stern teyrn appreciate it if she caressed his cheeks and sank her fingers into his dark silky hair? She did it anyway and it made him purr with satisfaction. Her laughter ended in a sharp moan as one of his thick fingers sank into her entrance. Kallian bucked against him, clutching a handful of his black hair. The sensation was odd but not disagreeable and it didn’t take long before she began undulating her hips, stroking her swollen bud against the palm of his large hand. she panted “my lord I…I can’t” as she felt her orgasm building inside her every time he pressed his digit against that sweet spot inside her tight channel. Loghain pulled the left strap of her dress down, baring one of her breasts.

 

“You can call me Loghain, no need for such formalities when I’m fingering you, girl” he whispered into her ear before he took her hardened nipple in his mouth, suckling and nibbling the hard bud till she couldn't take it any more. She came harder than she had ever come before , screaming his name as her cunt clenched around his finger.

 

It was his turn to laugh until the little fool crashed their mouths together in a bruising passionate kiss. Her tongue immediately plunged his mouth and it took him some seconds to react. why was she kissing him? did she really find him attractive? Was she playing games with him? It didn’t matter anymore as she pressed herself up against his chest. His arms tightened around her waist, one of his hands gripped the back of her neck and pressed her further more against his mouth. Their tongues entwined and caressed, she liked how he smelled how he tasted and how his intense kiss made her loins ache for more.

 

 

Without warning, he lifted her as he rose from his chair. She gasped and tightened her arms around his neck, and her legs around his waist. His large hands squeezed her ass playfully and she responded with a bruising kiss on the left side of his neck. he had to put her quickly in the bed before she leave a love bite on a visible place, although the idea didn’t upset him, maybe he would appear more like a human being to his soldiers and less like a legend from some history books.

 

He changed his mind as he put the lithe elf on the large table. Taking her to bed would suggest his desire for a more intimate and languorous lovemaking, when they were both aiming for a brief sexual intercourse which was far more adequate to their situation: two strangers almost coerced into having sex. He momentarily cursed his son in law before bringing his attention back to the young woman sitting on…one of his maps!

 

Before he could ask her to remove the precious item from under her beautiful bottom, Kallian reached for his shirt. She wasn’t intimidated by the Teyrn anymore she craved the man who could do such wonderful things with his hands and his tongue. Loghain seized her hands, his eyebrows rising in surprise… what the hell was she doing?

 

“Take it off, please.” she said biting her reddened lip.

 

“It won’t be necessary” He tried to sound calm.

 

“I want to see you” she seemed disappointed. Was she faking it? He wondered looking carefully at the red coloring her cheeks. The girl was a maiden after all. She wasn’t a prostitute and didn’t seem to have much experience. She was breathy and all bothered after only a... maybe she was more curious than really desirous to see a man older than her father shirtless. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw it on the empty chair and looked back to her. Was he nervous? He was never nervous or anxious about such a thing. She was nothing to him…

 

He didn’t finish this thought not when he felt her squeezing him in her arms and burying her face in the dark hair covering his chest.

 

Her reaction amused him more than it should. Did all the elven women react this way to chest hair? Surely some were grossed out by it? He wouldn’t know neither think about it, not when her little, wicked tongue delved to lick his nipple. His hand move on its own to grab a fistful of her hair as he suppressed a moan. He shut his eyes tight before the temptation became too great. He lowered his gaze and glanced to the elf tonguing greedily one of his nipples. It sent waves of pleasure to his rigid cock and it took all of his self-control to extirpate himself from her embrace. He had to get away before he would go mad with lust and force himself into her untried entrance, right there on top of this old map.

 

Tabris stared at him questioningly with her big brown eyes. His chest was rising and falling fast. He couldn’t hide his need.

 

“Undress and go to the bed!” he commanded his ragged voice betraying him.

 

“In this order?” she giggled.

 

“Yes!” he confirmed glaring at her mocking smile.

 

Tabris tried to steady her hands while disrobing in front of him. To be exposed in the heat of an intimate act was far different from taking her dress off while someone was staring at her.

 

She didn’t look at him, she turned her back and walked to the bed and when she heard him growling low in his chest, she grew reassured, he liked what he saw.


	2. Qu'il dorme ou qu'il soit éveillé

Kallian woke with a start. Her eyes fluttered open. First thing she felt was the horrible ache in every muscle of her body then she noticed the heavy arm caging her small frame. when she tried to move,  the discomfort in her nether regions chased the remains of any fogginess left by sleep.

Loghain.

She was still in his bed, in his arms, he was holding her tight to his chest after she fell asleep after their…activities.

Every time she attempted to move, his arm tightened around her. till she abandoned the idea of making use of the darkness to flee his tent.

Her hand slid between her legs. She was soaked with his seed,her fluids, and a little bit of blood.

 For a man of his size his strength and his position, Loghain had been incredibly tender and caring. He surely took his pleasure but his eyes never left her face looking for a sign of pain, and when she winced he had simply stopped thrusting, circled his hips and kissed her till she was once more calm and willing.

The soreness she was feeling was not the result of roughness, it was inevitable due to the thickness of his manhood and the tightness of her entrance…Andraste, he was huge! She couldn’t even believe that he had been able to fit all of it inside her. At this thought, her hips moved on their own to thrust into the heavy cock pressed against her cleft!

She bit her lip when he thrust back burying his face into her dark curls and humming.

Andraste’s ass! She woke him.

“you couldn't sleep?” he whispered near her ear

“I… my lord, I shouldn’t be sleeping in your bed”

Loghain laughed, his chest rumbling against her back

“a sudden fit of humility? That’s a little late don’t you think?”

She remembered last night grabbing a fistful of his hair ordering him to keep going when he had used his mouth to pleasure her. The scratches she probably left on his back and shoulders... fortunately he didn’t seem to be angry about it.

Teyrn Loghain was not what she expected.

Kallian couldn’t resist taunting him. She turned her head to look at him. His hair was a mess, his eyes half-led, an amused smile stretching his lips. She arched her back and said in a honeyed voice “I’m obedient to his lordship in everything”

Loghain growled as he tightened his arms around her and began stroking his engorged cock against her firm little ass. Little minx laughed.

In front of his eyes, her ear twitched, he didn’t think twice before taking the pointed tip in his mouth and suckling. The reaction he got was more than what he hoped for. Kallian shrieked and jolted into his arms. He struggled to keep her in that position and when he finally let go she turned around to face him panting and blushing. She threw her leg on his left side and intimate “take me!”

His large hand grabbed her butt and the other positioned the head of his cock against her wet opening...she was ready for him. Without further hesitation, he pushed inside her welcoming heat.

He was almost hilted inside her when her body jerked and she tossed her head back and screamed … he wasn’t even fully inside her and she came hard, clenching around his cock. Loghain roared as he grabbed her hips with both hands and slammed his cock home in one brutal stroke.

 

With one swift motion, he switched their position. Kallian found herself on top of him his large powerful body under her own. yet as soon as she tried to thrust back Loghain wrapped his arms around her waist holding her still as he kept ramming her tight dripping cunt. Frustrated, Kallian whimpered and raised her head to look at him, he met her pouting face with a malicious smile and a particularly vicious thrust that made her forget about it all and sank her teeth into his exposed chest.

The second time was more enjoyable for both, although being sore and tired Kallian finally experienced the pleasure of coming around loghain’s thick shaft… three times.

Kallian’s wet cunt was driving him out of his mind. And he abandoned all self-control as soon as he discovered how much Kallian enjoyed his hard, unforgiving pace.  Heat and tightness enfolded him as her narrow sheath quivered around his cock. His second orgasm was mind blowing. He clenched his jaws to prevent a string of profanities from crossing his lips. His head sank into the pillow and his hands tightened around Kallain’s waist as he emptied himself inside her in long hot jets.

For a long moment, they just lay there catching their breath until Kallian crawled up and put a chaste kiss on Loghain’s lips. “Thank you” she whispered. His blue eyes opened. Kallian smiled and kissed him again. She didn’t wait for his reaction she rolled onto her back, surrendering to a blissful sleep.

“Do you really want to join the grey wardens, Kallian?” she vaguely heard someone asking.

“Have no choice…been conscripted” She stammered, half asleep.


	3. La ligne jaune

“Hey, you! wake up!”

Kallian opened her eyes to the sight of an elven woman standing in front of her bed and yelling…why was she yelling?

“Dirty whore!” the woman muttered trying to pull the blanket that was covering the elven girl.

Kallain rose angrily, wrapping the blanket around her body. She was in loghian’s tent, but it doesn’t answer this question

“Who are you?”

“I’m the empress of Orlais!” the woman said with disdain, and added, “when teyrn Loghain ordered me to bring the breakfast to the lady sleeping in his tent, I didn’t expect to find a knife-ear whore… his grace is too well-mannered to call a spade a spade”

Kallain's jaw dropped. She had to pinch herself to be sure it wasn't some sort of ridiculous dream.

“I’m awake what are you still doing her?”

“fucking…. Anyway this he told me to give you”

The elven woman tossed an armor and two vials on the bed and didn’t leave before spitting one final insult “such a fine armor, wasted on an elf”

It would almost be laughable if it wasn’t so... sad.

 

Kallian dressed and took her breakfast in a hurry. Surely Loghain wouldn’t appreciate finding her sitting in his tent when he come back.

She stared at the two vials. one was red, a health poultice. The other she didn’t recognize. It was yellowish and looked disgusting.

“It looks good on you” Loghain said, standing in the tent’s entrance. Duncan would be able to send the girl to fight darkspawns wearing a dress.

“You have my gratitude, my lord” Kallian gave him a half smile, hastily gathering the vials and the dress she wore last night.

“I should go” she muttered nervously

“Take your time, to tell you the truth I was hoping to find you waiting for me”

Kallian posed surprised. Did he want to do it again?

 “I will ask you again. Do you really want to become a gray warden?”

“I have no other choice”

“What if you had the choice?”

“If I had the choice I would be with my family now”

Loghain approached her. Maker, she was small! “Work for me.”

“My lord, I killed Vaughan, Arl Uriel won’t leave me or my family alone”

“forget about Uriel, he is no longer a problem”

Kallian frowned but didn’t ask.

“You will stay by my side and serve me.”

“Serve you how your grace?” she asked suspicious and irritated.

“As My personal guard, you will receive a generous remuneration for your services and if you decide to take a husband and have children I will pay your dowry”

“It is a very generous offer… but I have to join the wardens”

“I see” he said coldly as he walked to his desk and began checking on one of his maps.

“loghain…” Kallian sighed “I would have liked to stay by your side” she put her hand on his.

Loghain raised his head. He looked her in the eyes he was trying to appear menacing, to throw her out, but all he could do was staring cynically at her beautiful face.

“I swear it is the truth” she smiled to him “but a foolish girl could fall in love with the handsome teyrn and end up with a shattered heart” she continued “for the girl’s people are not considered as people and dogs are more respected than them”

"The king seems to appreciate the gray wardens, therefore she has to become one in order to help her people.”

Loghain’s eyes narrowed and he asked “Who are your people, elf?”

“You already answered that. Elves are my people and I will stand for them no matter what”

“And you my Lord, who are your people? You don’t appear saddened by a noble’s death nor by a farmer’s harsh fate.”

“I don’t have people, elf! I am protecting Ferelden”

“Oh! Protecting the stones and the trees then?”

“You are your mother’s daughter” he hissed grabbing her arm.

“You…you knew her?” her voice was shaking. Every dreadful thought gathered in her head.

She pulled her arm free from his grasp and stepped backwards.

“Kallian” his voice softened he advanced toward her as she moved back. Her heart was hammering in her chest. She had always known that her death was more than a simple hate crime. No ordinary shemlen would have dared to attack Adaia.

“I have nothing to do with it”

“Who was it?”

Loghain remained silent watching the tears falling on her beautiful cheeks.

“He is already dead” He muttered attempting to hold her “no, I want the truth!” she blubbered, pushing him away.

Exasperated by her sobs Loghain seized her shoulders and yelled “forget!”

Kallian looked at him her brown eyes full of tears “could you? would you forget?” He sighed and held her as she finally let him.

 

After a while, Loghain find the courage to pull out of her embrace. He walked away from her.

When he finally spoke he made sure his voice would be as neutral and cold as possible, the general's voice.

“Listen very carefully, tonight we are going to lead the charge against the darkspawns, you are a new recruit, hopefully they are going to post you in the back lines. you stay near the mages , don’t play hero and if the front lines fall you retreat without looking back.”

"Understood?"

"Yes" kallian said

“Go now”

"Loghain" she pronounced his name before leaving. She only hoped it wasn't the last time she would be able to do so.


	4. La Gloire de ma mère/Le Château de mon père

Kallian screams emanated from the small aravel and echoed throughout the dalish camp. For the first time since they met her, Alistair and Zevran couldn’t reach out to help the warden. They sat in the grass powerless, waiting for a conclusion.

After a few hours, the heart-rending cries ceased replaced by a cruel silence.

Zevran opened the brandy bottle and drank then offered it to Alistair. the young warden took it mumbling, "I could use a drink or two" Zevran chuckled "easy with this, the dalish could get offended if you start running around naked."

 

The two man rose when they saw Wynne exiting the aravel, she walked toward them stumbling and pale. They looked at her as she took the bottle from Alistair’s hand and gulped down a large sip.

 

“Wynne, say something” Alistair finally said.

 

“Boys, we just averted a disaster” Wynne declared as she raised the bottle to her lips.

The two men breathed a sigh of relief

 

“And her…” Zevran mumbled

“the child is fine, a healthy _human_ little boy”

 

Zevran and Alistair smiled to each other. Oghren lost the bet about the baby's gender!

 

Lanaya the new keeper advanced holding a bundle, preventing the antivan from teasing Wynne about the " _human_ " part that seemed to disturb her.

A little fist came out of the fluffy bundle and all the eyes fixed on it.

“Shouldn’t the newborn stay inside with his mother”

“He needs to breathe the fresh air, besides it is the warden's wish that you all meet him” she said as she pushed the baby in Alistair’s arms

“Nonono . he is so small, what if I drop him!” said Alistair, trying awkwardly to hold the boy.

“You need to learn how to hold your son” Lanaya affirmed

The boy started crying and moving his little fists.

 

“What! No, he isn’t mine” assured Alistair as he carefully handed the baby to Zevran.

 

“oh my! He is not small at all. Poor warden! Birthing him most have been an agony.”

The baby started crying louder. “No, you aren’t agony. No, you are the most beautiful little boy in all Thedas” said Zev trying to soothe the boy, rocking him gently in his arms.

“For the love of the Maker, Give me this child!”

Wynne took the boy from Zevran's arms and put the half-empty bottle in his place. "hold this instead" she snorted

“Little one is so susceptible. Must be his human blood”

“Hey! We are not susceptible!” Alistair argued

“If you say so my friend” Zevran chuckled

Lanaya watched them bickering, amused and incredulous. They were the ones who were going to stop the blight!

“The warden is resting now, my magic and medicines could take at least five days to heal her completely”

“What are we going to do next?”

“Head to Redcliffe then to Denerim I assume”

“Right! We have to meet that… what he is called… Eamon”

“ _that Eamon_ is our last chance.”

 “He wouldn’t be if the warden had let me slip in the royal palace and slit loghain’s throat”

“yeah right!” Alistair sighed

 

**Two months later**

 

“she’s back!” a servant shouted “the warden is back my lord!”

Eamon rushed to the main hall to receive the elf warden and her companions. They were drenched in blood and injured but for some reason they were laughing like mad women, the elf, the witch, the orlesian bard and the circle mage.

“Twas too easy!”

“I am way too old for that”

“You were amazing Wynne, I can’t believe we won!”

“We always do”

 

Eamon cleared his throat to announce his presence

“Anora is safe thanks to you warden”

“More important Howe is dead thanks to us” Kallian snorted and added “whatever, I need to check on my son, he must be hungry”

“warden, wait”

“what is it again?"

“I don’t know how to tell you this” the old Arl handed her a piece of paper.

_If you want to see your son again, come to the royal palace, alone._

Kallian stood in her place tetanized. Morrigan took the piece of paper from her hand to read it after a moment she gave it silently to Leliana.

 

“Warden I am deeply sorry, I don’t know how it happened”

 

“tis obvious, one of your servants is working for Loghain”

 

“I need to go” Kallian whispred "now".

 

“Wait, warden, Anora said something about the Alienage. We may find something decisive to use against Loghain in the landsmeet”

 

Kallian repressed her rage. She was going to shout “ _what if it was your son_ ” but the man already knew what it felt to lose a child.

“I need to sit down” she finally said

 

“Let us go to my office”

 

Alistair, Sten, Zevran were standing alongside Anora and her orlesian servant in the Arl's office.

Kallian’s brain felt like exploding. She must analyze the situation as quick as possible, Think about all the options she had and the different probabilities. She had to choose between her family and her son.

Meanwhile in the small room, nobody dared to speak.

“Zevran, Alistair, Morrigan and Leliana, you head to the Alienage and take the mabari with you”

 

“You are not thinking about going to the royal palace alone?” Morrigan asked

 

“I don't have a choice. He is going to kill him”

“Warden, I doubt that my father would kill an infant,” Anora affirmed.

 

“Said the daughter who’s accusing him of trying to murder her”  Zevran mocked the blonde woman who  glared at him.

 

“We have no time for this! Zevran, you will lead, take all the decisions in this mission. They are our people do what’s best for them.”

 

“I will not disappoint you my friend”

 

“And…For my family…my cousins Shianni and Soris, they have red hair and pale skin and my father…His name is Cyrion. if you could...”

 

“We will look for them” Leliana said

 

"If I don't come back ... It was an honor to know you, friends " Kallian fled the room before they could see her break down in tears

 

 

Cyrion, Shianni, Soris and all the others, thinking about them was too painful. but the thought of her baby in some stranger’s cold grasp was unbearable.

A stranger… that’s what Loghain was now. A year ago she would have trusted him with her life. A year ago she had even envisaged to stay by his side and remain a confined mistress. Now she was trembling with fear at the thought of what he could do to his own son.

 For the umpteenth time, she cursed herself as she remembered the yellow vial. She had tossed it away without asking about it's content. Although, she didn't regret having her son, she pretty sure had some remorse about bringing him into this fucked up world at this fucked up time only to find out that he had a fucked up father.

 

Despair grasped her heart when she gave her daggers to the gate guards. And kept clutching it with every step she took inside the dark hallways that approached her of an inevitable closure.


	5. As much as someone like him can love anyone (Part 1)

As soon as she entered his quarters, Kallian started examining it, looking for a possible way out. Books and simple furniture, nothing fancy, maps, a bed, another door leading perhaps to an annex chamber , and a desk... and behind it, he was sitting.

“Warden, To what do I owe the honour of your visit?” Loghain said, taking a cheerful tone that sounded more mocking than anything else.

“where is my son?” Kallian growled, her blood boiling at the sight of his sufficient little smile.

He kept staring at her for a moment, smirk on his lips, and  a glimmer of amusement in his eyes.He certainly knew no modesty in the triumph.

Kallian glared at him. She couldn’t do much more. Even if she was able to move freely her hands were tied with an invisible rope; her love for her son.

Loghain finally raised from his chair and opened the other door. he gestured for her to follow him. she obeyed. it was a small room one that was used to... hide a lover, maybe? Kallian's eyes fell on the little crib placed near a corner and she rushed towards it.

Her baby was sleeping peacefully on his back covered with a warm blanket. She took him gently in her arms placing soft kisses in his forehead and cheeks “mommy is here, my love” she whispered “my own heart”. tears of relief fell on her cheeks she  wiped them quickly. It was not the best time to show weakness.

“I need to feed him” she declared with an unwavering voice.

“He has already been fed and bathed” he said as he stepped closer. his chest mere inches from her back.She could feel his heat through her clothes as he said softly “I gave orders for him to be treated as if he was my own”

Kallian drew a sharp intake of breath. She Put her son back into the crib wrapping the blanket tightly around his little body. she gathered all her forces and turned around to face Loghain

“He is not yours” she hissed

Loghain grabbed her arm “you are a poor liar” he muttered near her ear. Kallain pulled her arm free and walked out of the small room. Loghain followed her, closing the door slowly, careful not to wake the little one.

“I suppose you are going to kill me now. If so, my last wish is that you give my son to Leliana”

The bard knew what to do if something happened to Kallian. They already discussed the matter.

Loghain rolled his eyes “Quit being so dramatic, woman! I don’t want you dead.”

Kallian clenched her teeth “Quit being a liar then. You spent a year sending assassins after me and put a bounty on my head”

Loghain took a few steps towards her “It was before I learn about your…condition”

Kallian stepped backwards, increasing the space between them.

“Cauthrien said dead or alive”

Logain moved forward “she probably said that to dissuade you from fighting”

Kallian felt the edge of the table against the small of her back. she was now trapped between his body and the wooden furniture. Loghain put a hand on the table on each side of her hips. He leaned over his face inches from hers. Kallian swallowed painfully, struggling to ignore The ache between her legs as it pulsated and yearned for him to appease it with his clever touch and his manhood.She tried to look away, ashamed of how little it took to revive the flame of her desire for him.

One look into his eyes and she was under the spell, drawn to him like a moth to a flame. His icy blue eyes cut into her like a hot blade and stripped her from her free will. At this very moment nothing seemed to matter, his treasons, his lies, her people, the blight, all faded before the temptation of having him one more time. Kallian grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in for a bruising kiss. Loghain picked her up and set her on the edge of the table. Without more ado, he began fastening her breastplate’s buckles uncovering her generous cleavage.

Kallian whimpered when he pulled away to admire her full and heaving breasts. She laughed at his astonished expression and removed her breast band.

“they... are still full of milk” She stammered.

He almost roared when he gripped her waist and buried his face in the soft flesh. Kallian wrapped her legs around him and grabbed his head, running her fingers in his raven black hair. Could he hear the thud of her heart? she wondered.

Loghain marveled at how soft and big her breasts were. more thrilling, he was at the origin of her state. Their first night he remembered a skinny girl, In his bed she became a woman. He was the who made her body look this way, hips plump, and breasts flowing with milk. Many nights He had laid awake on his bed, his cock painfully hard, thinking about her. the small elf finding out that nothing could satisfy her or stretch her dripping cunt like his cock did. he could almost hear her whimper trying to shove her fingers inside her and realizing it would never equal what he gave her that night.

News about her pregnancy had reached him and he knew then that his seed took roots and her belly was heaving with his child. He had dreamt of the day she would come to him with a baby in her arms begging with sweet words for him to take her back ‘I’m yours my lord and master’. Loghain moaned as he wrapped his lips around a nipple and sucked. warm liquid filled his mouth and made his cock throb with need. She smelled of blood, sweat and smoke and somehow it made him feel safe and peaceful. all things considered he was in his element!

Kallian’s moans filled the room. She ground her wet cunt against the man who was sucking at her nipples greedily drinking her milk. ' _My love'_  She bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from uttering a stupid thing.

Though he would have done this all night Long he doubted he would stand to endure this without the risk of coming inside his pants like a 15 years old boy. He raised his head from her bosom and pulled her roughly against him “say: I’m yours my lord and master!” loghain panted in her ear. Kallian frowned, she was about to push him away when he repeated almost begging “say it woman, it won’t scorch your lips”. He sounded desperate to hear those words. therefore, she threw her arms around his neck and whispered, “I’m yours my lord and master” Loghain moaned  and spun her around and bent her over the table. Kallian gasped in surprise but rapidly surrendered to his hasty hands as they undid her breeches’ laces, roughly pulling them down to her knees.


	6. As much as someone like him can love anyone (Part 2)

Loghain lost no time in sinking inside her heat, Penetrating her with a single thrust. Her wet quim stretched to accommodate his thick shaft, eagerly sucking him in.He groaned loudly.  An entire year, he had spent yearning for this. A year, chasing after her as she slipped like water through his fingers. he finally had her pinned and writhing under him.

His fingers dug in the soft skin of her butt as his thick length pounded her mercilessly. Kallian bit her lower lip until she tasted blood. She had to keep from screaming out with pleasure, worried that if she did it would wake up her son. Loghain, however, took her silence as a challenge to his virility and began thrusting even harder setting a brutal pace. His cock sliding in and out of her cunt, his balls slamming against her aching clit, Kallian was about to go mad with lust. she pressed her hand against her mouth to muffle her moans, but soon it revealed useless as his hand slapped against her ass. She screamed first in surprise and then again and again as he alternated deep thrusts and hard spanks.

Loghain leaned over her, His lips tickling her sensitive ear. “I do like to have you beneath me, warden” he taunted.

Kallian turned her head slightly and smirked “Kallian my lord, not warden” she panted “The warden, you will never have her” Loghain stood up.he grabbed a fistful of her hair and jerked her back, forcing her back to arch into him. “Little bitch! We’ll see about that.” he growled as he hammered into her with unrestrained fury. Kallain’s eyes rolled back in her head and her mouth opened in a silent scream as she came quivering around his dick. Loghain buried his face in her neck biting the tender flesh as his orgasm hit him.

They remained joined for a while. Loghain held her against his chest, kissing and nibbling her neck rubbing his nose against the reddened skin. When his cock grew  more sensitive he withdrew from her and tucked himself inside his pants. Kallian felt his thick seed leaking out of her gaping entrance then a wet rag gently wiping her dripping cunt before he pulled up her breeches.

Kallian took a deep breath as she fastened her laces, Dreading to turn around and face him now that they were back to the little game of power. the regent and the warden.

“What is his name?” he said as he poured two cups of wine.

“Caridin” she answered.

“Is it elven?” he asked as he offered her a cup.

“Dwarven” she declared “Caridin was the Paragon who forged Golems”

He beckoned her with a gallant gesture to sit down in a chair next to the table.

“Come. Sit and tell me about it”

 Kallian pulled the chair and sit down in front of him.

“I met Caridin in the deep roads,he was trapped in a body made of stone and metal yet he had more heart than any flesh creature and enough courage to face his mistakes”

Loghain ignored her insinuation and said, “That’s impressive!”

“You seem to have the most interesting stories, warden” he added

Kallian smiled, Loghain knew how to rub up the right way “and you haven’t heard the best of them yet”  she added

“ Zathrien the dalish keeper who held a grudge for more than a thousand years and nearly destroyed his clan because of it. Paragon Branka gone mad with ambition, wanted to restore her ancestors' glory and ended up sacrificing her people.”

Loghain stared  at her coldly, already annoyed by her vaine tentative to... advise him. A girl younger than his daughter had the nerve to suggest that she could do better than him.

Kallian rested her elbow on the table and cupped her chin in her hand, staring at the man in front of her.

“My mother used to tell me that I was meant for greatness, because of some dream she had when pregnant with me. I believed it for a while, that I can change things, but now I realize that I would be lucky If I manage to change one man’s heart.”

_‘The heart of the man I love’_

“I do not know if you are able to change the world, warden, but you surely can change your son’s fate”

She frowned, The idea of Loghain raising their son to become a Teyrn, teaching him that treason was a point of view, made her skin crawl.

Loghain smiled at her troubled stare, now he had her attention.

“side with me at the Landsmeet and someday the boy will  inherit Gwaren and become its next Teyrn”

“what am I supposed to say to the Fereldan lords”

“That you are a new recruit to the gray wardens forced to serve under the orders of the bastard prince who lusts after his brother's throne”

Kallian laughed. Loghain glared at her and continued.

“After that, you will implore for mercy that I will grant you”

“then” he continued “you are going to stay in the royal palace, to nurse  your child and let me take care of the political matters.”

“That’s a tempting offer, my lord, but...” she said “Apart from the fact that I don't trust you, there are some little details you seem to neglect. ” she affirmed

“A king and his three advisors eliminated in less than a week, even if it was a coincidence and even if you weren’t one of the greatest strategists in Thedas always thinking three moves ahead, the nobles are going to be a little bit suspicious.”

“Carry on please with your preposterous theory! I am sure Ferelden’s Lords are going to love your performance”

Kallian sighed “Of course, an absurd conspiracy theory like the tower of Ishal, your retreat at the very moment we lit the beacon.  blaming the wardens and triggering a civil war”

"I am not the one who started it"

“You are the one who is in need of protection, join the gray wardens, fight with us and…”

“Are you out of your mind elf!”Loghain growled giving her a murderous glare.

Kallian lowered her eyes. Looking at him became unbearable. He was entangled in his lies,  the situation had escaped his control the more he struggled the quicker he sank in. His arrogance blinded him and he was going straight into the wall. Her heart clenched. Loghain wasn't a bad man. she was going to find a way, any way to save him. To save all the people she loved.

“The Alienage” she finally spoke, her voice barely edible.

“what of it?”

“what have you done to them?” she dreaded his answer.

“Don't ask me,Denerim's Alienage was under Howe’s authority” He said dryly as he raised from his chair.

He didn't even care.

“I should go” she sputtered.

As soon as she raised from her chair her head grew giddy and her vision went blank as she lost her balance. Before Loghain’s eyes, she fell on the floor. without thinking twice, he rushed to her inert body and lifted her in his arms “Kallian! Kallian! Warden!” he called, shaking her slightly. She didn’t respond but fortunately was still breathing. obviously It had been a dire day for her to faint like this . He carried her to the bed. Her vulnerability had absorbed the rage he was feeling moments ago. He took off her boots and covered her with a blanket. Almost unconsciously,  He leaned over and planted a kiss on her forehead.

 _I am sorry_ he tried to say yet the words never left his lips.

The baby's cries cut off his thoughts. oh, great! That was all he needed right now.

Calling for a servant to take care of him was out of the question as long as the warden was asleep in his bed. Resigned,Loghain sighed and hurried to the boy's bedside.


	7. Weakness

At daybreak, Kallian opened her eyes to the most beautiful sight she could imagine. Loghain, still fully clothed, laying beside her in the bed, their son sleeping peacefully on his chest.

She sat carefully in the bed holding her breath, not wanting to disturb them. For the first time, she noticed the striking resemblance between Father and son. With a little bit of luck, he was going to be tall, broad with manly features and a huge… could have been worse. Despite her and in spite of everything, her heart swelled with joy. She loved Loghain, that she couldn’t deny anymore, but the idea that their boy might someday become as cold and calculating as him filled her with fear.

Carefully she leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on the baby’s chubby cheek and another on Loghain’s nose. Maker, she loved his nose! But also his lips, his eyes and the stories told by each wrinkle etched on his skin. She buried her face in his black hair and inhaled in his scent. Everything in him was so masculine, it hurt.

She was lost in her contemplation when suddenly his eyes opened and it startled her.

 “good morning” she muttered slightly embarrassed for having been caught staring at his sleeping face. He already thought that she was a fool, she didn’t need to give him more proof.

“Little one has spent the night crying. is it one of your many subterfuges to drive me mad, warden?”

Kallian giggled and took the baby in her arms.

“wicked little potato, didn’t let daddy sleep, huh? I'm proud of you.”

Loghain sucked in a breath. It was the first time that Kallian recognized openly that the boy was his. Somehow it made him happy and nervous.

The girl took their son to his bed and came back with a little smile on her lips and a malicious look in her eyes as she sat beside him.

“Can I do something to relieve the tension caused by the lack of sleep?” she asked eyeing the morning erection that was lurking in his pants.

Loghain chuckled and drew her closer, his intense gaze never leaving her face. She tried to look as harmless as possible. was he still angry at her for last night?

“It would be nice to have those lips pleasuring me instead of uttering accusations and other nonsense”

It seemed that the answer was 'yes and no'. she couldn’t resist going further and pushing her luck.

“I do not understand. What should I exactly do with my lips to pleasure you?” she batted her lashes and held back her smile. Loghain seemed about to strike her but instead of it, he tightened his grip around her waist and grunted “You little hussy are going to wrap your pretty lips around my cock and suck me until I come in your mouth” his voice was low and husky sending waves of heat to her nether regions. She moaned. As he added speaking near her sensitive ear “and you will swallow every drop of my seed”  Face flushed and eyes half-lidded, Kallian nodded and lowered her head to bury it in his crotch, mouthing and rubbing it with her hand. Loghain interrupted her saying “before that. Do you wish me to bring you something to eat?”

Kallain laughed nuzzling the bulge in his pants “afraid I would bite you?”

“It would be most annoying if you faint again”

“Don’t worry, right now, I hunger for something else”

Loghain’s cock was impressive, even when not fully erect she had trouble closing her fingers around it. She doubted that it would fit into her mouth but damn it, she was going to try and do her best, she decided as she planted kisses all along the velvety skin and on the bulbous head.

Loghain couldn’t suppress a moan when she began kissing his cock. Only one woman had done this for him before and she was…

Kallian smiled at him before taking the tip in her mouth and he couldn’t keep thinking straight any longer.

She loved having sex with him, not only because it was amazing but also because in those moments Loghain seemed more approachable, a simple man acting with his instincts and his heart. In a bed, he was honest when his eyes darkened with desire and his body talked to her. she discovered a passionate man, not the cold strategist, not the heartless general. He was hot-blooded, funny and impulsive, A Generous and tender lover giving as much pleasure as he was taking. And she loved him.

 

His hands seized her head as she succeeded in taking on almost the third of his length.

“Yes, that's it. keep going” he encouraged keeping himself from pushing further into her humid hot mouth.

Kallain swirled her tongue around the tip as she started moving up and down. She noticed how his hips jerked when she lapped at the slit, licking the clear liquid. and she did it again and again, lavishing his length with saliva and stroking it with both hands.

Kallian glanced up at him. Loghain was missing nothing of the spectacle before his eyes.she took his cock out of her mouth and tapped it playfully on her swollen lips before lowering her mouth to lick and suck gently on his balls. loghain’s head went back and he moaned and tightened his hold on her hair.

Kallian ground her hips on the mattress but did nothing else to pleasure herself. She wanted to concentrate on what she was doing, Remember every detail and keep every moan, every smell and every curve of him engraved in her memory.

 It didn’t take long before he came, hot long jets inside her willing mouth. Kallain swallowed as much as she could, moaning like it was the most delectable thing she had ever tasted.

 

 

They didn’t speak as she aided him to fasten the different pieces, despite her, her brain began noting every detail of his armor, looking for a weakness in his defense or a potential default in the metal that could allow her to pierce it with a dagger. finally she put the pieces down and pulled away.

“You shouldn’t let me do this…It’s not wise” she said to answer his surprised look.

“Seriously Kallian!” he was amused “If one day we are to fight against each other, you wouldn’t be able to strike anywhere past my shield” He gestured for her to come closer.

“we will see” she smiled as she started fastening his armor again.

Loghain’s memories wandered to a part of his life he thought was long forgotten. He knew what it meant to be loved by a strong and honorable woman, to do something so ugly and despicable that it would make it impossible for her to stay by his side. Good women don’t understand, they admire strength and intelligence but when they fall in love with you they demand honor and kindness. Kallian too would never forgive him. Letting her walk away alive would be like signing his death warrant.

_‘Kill the elf and get rid of the half-blood’_

_‘She won’t let go before destroying everything you had built’_

_‘Don’t lie to yourself’_

_‘you know what has to be done’_

_‘You had your fun. Snap her neck now’_

 

"Loghain? Is everything alright?" she asked.

“ get dressed we are leaving ”he ordered.

 

 

 

Kallian rushed to Eamon’s office where She was met with grim faces and suspicious looks.

“I heard that Loghain escorted you to the gates, warden” Eamon declared. Kallian ignored his remark.

“Zevran, what happened?” she asked her voice shaking.

“Your father and your cousins are fine, warden. But…”

Zevran noticed a dark mark on her neck… it was a fucking love bite!

"Zevran!" Kallian insisted

“I can’t do this” he said “Leliana you tell her”

“Why me?” the redheaded woman protested.

“Tell me what? Guys?”

“Fine” Leliana grunted «Come with me warden we should speak somewhere private”

Zevran handed the bard a document “Show her this” he said and Alistair muttered “don’t forget to tell her about the orphanage”

As soon as the two women left the room Eamon sighed “I am glad Loghain committed this mischief. Let us hope that the warden would see reason.”

“How can she spend a night with him? That man killed Duncan!”

Zevran rolled his eyes and left the room, for once he was glad to be an elf in case the warden would lose her mind and decide to kill every shemlen around he would be safe. He hoped he would be.


	8. Snakes and Ladders

_“Vulture!”_

_“You are nothing but a vulture”_

_“You are not even a man! The last thing you deserve is a quick death but you are going to die right here and right now covered in shame and dishonor”_

_“May you have eternal torment in the afterlife.”_

_Her keen-edged blade transpierced his throat. Dark red blood gushed from the wound as he fell to his knees eyes empty and mouth opened_

_The crimson liquid pooled to her feet and seemed to move towards her. Kallian tried to step away but it extended and chased her as if the viscous blood had a life of its own._

_Her daggers slipped from her hands when the dark substance began gliding up her legs her hips then when it reached her bust she screamed and cried for help but soon the liquid slipped into her mouth and filled her throat and lungs._

 

Kallian startled awake shaking and gasping for air. Not even the realm of dreams could shelter her from the harsh reality and the decision she had to take.

She was about to lay back in her bed when her eyes caught something moving in a dark corner. Quickly, Kallian reached for her daggers

 “Show yourself!” she roared.

A woman stepped forward and Kallain recognized Lelliana’s pretty face. She exhaled and put her daggers back under her pillow.

“Leliana, go get some sleep, I am fine”

Leliana kept advancing towards her bed, looking at her fixedly…something wasn’t right.

“Greetings brave warden”

“A demon” Kallian sighed “that crowns it all!”

“I am not a demon! Can’t you feel it?”

“Demon or not just go away. I have no desire to fight you right now”

“I have been drawn to you, warden.I am here to help you”

“You intend to do so by tricking me,assuming Leliana’s identity?”

“I took a familiar appearance to put you at your ease Kallian”

“Look dem…or spirit I have no time for…”

“You have a noble heart Kallian”

“…thanks” Kallian rolled her eyes.

“Do not let hate twist it”

Was it another dream? kallian wondered, staring closely at the ghostlike being standing in front of her.

“It’s awfully rude to speak against someone in their absence. Don’t you agree?” another voice cracked in the room. a familiar voice.

“shianni!” Kallian muttered as her cousin appeared in the middle of the room.

“Are you dense, woman? The other one told you we take familiar faces not to frighten you mortals”

With wide eyes and gaped mouth, Kallian observed her cousin or more exactly to the spirit who had her appearance.

“It must be a dream” Kallian concluded.

“The dream you had a moment ago, it meant something. Kallian, hatred can put an end to it but only love can change everything. It does miracles and can even change a man’s heart”

“Pompous bastard!” Shianni chuckled

“Forget the offenses of the past and turn your gaze toward the future. Those who hold grudges are condemned to live in the past and to repeat it.” Leliana continued.

“Yeah, become a groveling coward like your father”

“You know nothing about my father, demon!” Kallian growled menacingly.

“I’m only saying out loud what you have been thinking for years” Shianni shrugged.

 “You love your family, warden. Your father, cousins and your son.” The spirit affirmed, “Do you really want to orphan your son?”

 ' _What kind of dream was that?_  ' Kallian wondered flipping her eyes between the two _women_

 “Eager to have your happy end no matter what, _'love'_ !” shianni said, feigning a sad sigh. “But you raise a good point, let us talk about orphans, shall we?” the spirit said jovially, eyes glimmering and lips stretched with a malicious smile.

Kallian had never seen her cousin, the real one, acting like this. And it was both awkward and frightening at the same time.

“It wasn’t Loghain who…”  The spirit with Leliana’s features tried to argue but realized that her argument would aggravate the charges. Howe was an animal, but someone unleashed that animal upon people.

“You do remember them Kallian the skinny little elves dressed in rags, don’t you?” Shianni asked “Those children who have never had a proper meal in their entire short lives. You and Soris used to steal cookies for them; how their faces lit up when they ate sweet things“

“Please” Kallian mumbled shutting her eyes and fisting her hands in her own hair.

“And that little boy who lost his left eye due to an untreated infection he used to cling to your skirts when you visited them, he was always covered in mud but you would hold him tight and stroke his hair anyway”

Kallian put her head against her knees and started rocking back and forth.

“Enough, you evil being!”Leliana shouted.

“I haven’t even started talking about the elves who had been sold for they are surely the ones who got the short end of the stick” Shianni said taking a dramatic pause and raising her palms to the air.

 “Kallian don’t listen to hate. It twists love into something monstrous like it had twisted loghain’s love for his parents and his country. Vengeance will not appease their souls. It is using your love for children to carve its way into your heart. Focus on the love you felt for him, it was not a lie”

“You are awfully selfish for a thing that claims to be a noble sentiment!” Shianni chuckled before turning her attention, once again to the warden “Kallian, let me ask you, shall we forget about the ones he wronged because he once fought an inevitable war? Lands, titles and the hand of the future king for his daughter weren’t enough? People should pay him with their flesh, blood, and tears? Do you think like him that their lives meant nothing because they were poor, weak, sick and marginalized?”

“I am going to serve him justice” Kallian said with a shaking voice “I have to…I have to” she repeated

 “Do not do it, Kallian.Your father didn’t teach you to hate”

“Remember how much you hated him for his lack of courage when he refused even the idea of avenging Adaia”

“I don’t hate my father”

“No, but you think that he is a servile coward so different from the great Loghain Mac Tir” 

Shianni sat at her side in the bed and put her arm around Kallian’s shoulders

“Now, now. I see what made him appealing to you but know this…” Shianni’s voice softened.

“Long ago he was in your position, angry and powerless against people who considered him as inferior. Unable to protect the ones he loved...”

“And then he embraced his hatred and anger. They gave him the force to strike without any regrets and the resolve to get to his ends at any costs” Kallian felt her cousin's hand brushing her messy curls as she whispered into her ear

“Follow me and you will not need him… He is finished as a man of power and where he falls you will rise, greater than what he once was”

“Kallian, once hate is settled into your heart it eats everything no other sentiment can blossom in its presence no compassion for anyone and like Loghain Mac Tir, you will soon enough find yourself burning the very people you swore to protect” Leliana didn’t give up on the case, neither did Shianni.

“Although, the man never swore to protect elves, he used them as cannon-fodder back then, to win his ‘personal vendetta’ against Orlais and now it seems that he found the worst way to use the poor buggers”

Leliana glared at Shianni who left Kallian’s side and walked towards her with an amused smile. She put her hand on the other woman’s shoulder and whispered

“Give up, _friend_ , his case is indefensible and I haven’t talked about Katriel...yet”

“If your love doesn’t change him, your mercy will” Leliana reaffirmed.

“Lies! The man is so egotistical, so self-centered, he will probably think that you owe him that”

“Remember Ostagar, how he has treated  you”

“Don’t forget the people he crushed under his expensive boots”

“He was once the hero of the people”

“He is now a disgrace to every mortal in this earth”

“Get rid of him and get rid of the monster he plagued your womb with”

“Don’t you dare…”

Kallian tried to cover her ears, to ignore the two spirits bickering over her like two insensitive scavengers.

 

“Do not follow these two blind fools warden”

In front of her  eyes, Kallian saw the ghostly figure of valendrian appearing.

“Wisdom” the two other spirits declared with an apparent disdain.

“You look dreadful old man; does anyone listen to you anymore?” Shianni taunted

Valendrian, the real one, was probably in Teventer at this moment. An old man like him, the only use the blood mages would find for him would be a sacrifice ritual to increase their power. Kallian hid her face in the palms of her hand.

“Warden, I do not wish to overburden you in this hard moment”

“Unlike them, I am a being of few words. I am not here to influence you. Ask the questions and I will try to answer”

“One question. Why? Why he did this”

“Loghain has raised his daughter to become queen, he left her no other options and therefore, Cailan by choosing to take another queen left the man no other options but to do what he did”

 “This I know. I meant why he did this to weak and poor people he was supposed to protect?”

“Do you want the long answer or the short one?”

“The short one”

“Because he is a peasant”

Shianni busted into laughter and Leliana twisted her lips.

“Fine, give me the long answer” Kallian sighed

“Why do you think nobles allow you elves to live on their lands? Why do you think humans haven’t yet exterminated all of you?”

“Don’t know, because we’re useful?”

“In more ways than you can imagine. You are an important piece of the machine that makes their society work. Nobles are few living on the labor of the commoners who are the majority. Imagine if the servile silent majority rise against them, no army would be able to protect them. Therefore, they need to keep them satisfied and to procure them the illusion that they are somehow fortunate and superior and keep exploiting them at the same time”

“I do not see where you are going with this”

 “He may speak like an educated man, however he is nothing but a smart peasant who reached nobility and power too quickly, yet, he knew he will never be one of them not when they are speaking about their old lineage and perfect blood. The mind of a peasant and the power of a Teyrn, he was a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Like any peasant Loghain feels superior when he is around elves. He also thinks that mages are a dangerous weapon.”

“The warden didn’t spare a thought for the circle mages and Loghain’s arrangement with Uldred. How her…Teyrn used their craving for freedom to send them to their slaughter”

Kallian ignored Shianni’s insinuation and focused on what the spirit who had Valendrian’s face was saying.

“He never treated me like I am lesser”

“It was not your question. You asked about using the weak and the powerless, not about what you represent for him” the old man clarified.

“Maybe he liked you since the moment he heard what you did to the men who raped your cousin, maybe he wished he had acted like you when his mother was in shianni’s place” Leliana advocated.

“How do you know about this?” perplex, Kallian asked.

“We are spirits of the fade, mortal” Shianni sighed tiredly and continued “Or…Maybe it was simply you, warden. You, young, beautiful, strong-willed and full of life, lusting over his old carcass and not over his money or title. He is not used to having such things without working hard for it that spoke to his arrogance”

 “You are confusing him, warden, as much as he is confusing you” Valendrian summed up.

“you are not helping me, none of this is helping me”

“we cannot decide in your place”

“what should I do?”

Shianni advanced to her and poked her forehead with two fingers “use this” she ordered

Leliana grunted and said “or maybe she should use this” pointing to her heart.

 “Farewell warden, whatever your decision may be, remember that you will have to live with it. Have mercy on yourself, the last thing Thedas needs is another mad blade.”


	9. Même Pas En Rêves

once again he was sleeping in a humble tent in the middle of a small camp. Whether it was due to the familiar situation or to the darkspawn blood, Loghain felt younger. Somehow it was more a malediction than a blessing. The heartache was stronger than anything he had experienced before. For the first time in his life, He had truly lost. He lost everything, his title, his lands, his reputation, and his freedom. People would say that he was lucky enough to keep his miserable life he should be glad that his daughter, the barren queen, had succeeded in keeping the throne and reinforced her position by marrying another Therin. But what joy could he feel when he had become a stain in her bloodline when Kallian was looking at him like he was some sort of gross cockroach.

Kallian…  He shut his eyes tightly. She hadn’t spoke to him as she confronted him at the landsmeet. She had addressed the nobles and answered his questions indirectly. The only thing that came from her mouth and was addressed to him was when she spat at his face as he tried to justify slavery. He lost her too. Even if he survived this blight, he wouldn’t, probably, see his son again.

Loghain quickly reached for his sword when someone opened his tent’s entrance. Under the moonlight, he distinguished kallian’s pretty features. She was wearing a short nightgown, thin fabric leaving nothing to the imagination. Her hair was hanging loose over her shoulders and covering half her face. Without hesitation, the young woman entered his tent and crawled to his bed. She didn’t even take a moment to explain or to look into his face, she slid under the covers and pressed her body against his.

“warden what are you…”

He didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence as she started planting kisses along his neck moaning and grounding her hips against him.

Loghain put his arm around her waist and squeezed her tighter. With his other hand, he brushed her hair out of her face. Her eyes were half-lidded, her cheeks flushed and an irresistible dreamy expression on her face. He kissed her forehead and inhaled the scent of her hair. It was like a dream come true. To have her once more in his bed after what he did…maybe…maybe, she was still having feelings for him.

He didn’t speak lest he might break the spell or awaken her fury against him. he softly pulled her nightdress up to caress under it. Soft skin and gentle curves, lower his fingers gently touched the dampened curls proof of her desire for him. Slowly, two of his fingers sank into her tight entrance as he observed carefully her amazed expression. Cheeks flushed, eyes shut and mouth gaped, kalian was lost in the pleasure he was offering her. Slowly, he started moving his fingers inside her velvety heat, sliding them in and out of her wet channel, occasionally brushing his thumb against her clit. She held him closer and began moving her hips following his pace. her eyes opened suddenly,  and she pushed him on his back. without any further caresses, she took out his hard cock from his breeches and positioned the bulbous head against her entrance. Loghain observed her vain tentative to take his cock in.

“Need help, little one?” he asked

She didn’t answer she continued moving her hips and whimpering in frustration

Loghain switched their positions moving on top of her. he started lodging his member inside her inch by inch. He winced as the sharp nails scratched his back bloody but didn’t stop until she took all of him.

“Like this” he panted in her sensitive ear.

He resisted the urge to take her hard and fast and satisfy the need that was growing inside him since the landsmeet. Instead he kissed her gently savoring her lips, drinking her moans while moving gently inside her setting a slow pace he wanted for their love making to last longer Maker only knew if he would have the chance to be with her again tomorrow maybe she would decide that it was a moment of weakness an error not to be repeated, besides he had to prove to her and to himself that he was not a monster that he didn’t think of her as a piece of meat a plaything …or a slave. His heart sank to this thought and he quickly chase it away burying his face in her exposed neck. Losing himself in her. Her, now and there nothing else seemed to matter. No strategies and no planning for the future, He had only to live in the moment.

 

The next morning he woke up alone. Loghain washed and dressed quickly before rushing up outside his tent he had to know what was the last night about.

Kallian was sitting by the fire taking her breakfast, conversing with the antivan assassin.

“I’m so worried for him. I shouldn’t have let him go”

“Eamon will take good care of him, he knows better than to let anyone harm him”

“Being apart feels like an amputation, I miss him so much”

Loghain couldn’t help but grunt in disgust, making the two friends turn their heads in his direction.

“if You are missing Maric”s bastard this much I suggest that instead of lingering here we hurry up and end this blight so you could be once more at his side”

Kallian frowned, Loghain could read incomprehension and the shock on her face. Serves her right! He was no replacement for another man. Especially when this man was not even a real man.

The antivan start laughing before turning to face him

“I fear that you got the wrong bastard, the warden was talking about her son”

Anger and disgust replaced incomprehension as she raised and walked away from him.

Loghain squeezed his eyes shut. How could he forget that she had sent their… her son to Redcliff with Eamon. He had, once more, shown her his insensitivity and his disdain.

“The Orlesians call it behaving like an elephant in a porcelain shop”

The damn assassin wouldn’t stop laughing.

 

Loghain had always expected the worse, it was a strategist's job to imagine the most nightmarish scenario in order to be ready to counter it. He had expected anything, anything except to be awakened by two sweet lips wrapped around his hard cock. The warden’s lips. She came to him even after what happened this morning. He dropped the pretense altogether and grabbed a fistful of her hair to force her head up and crush their mouths together. Could she feel how desperate he was? for her, for love, for affection, but more than anything for acceptance.

 

Almost two weeks after and nothing really changed they were turning in circles the day she would ignore him barking orders without addressing him directly. she avoided saying his name didn't sit to eat when he was having his meal.yet at nightfall, she would slip into his tent, kissing and caressing, writhing wantonly under his touch.  one thing stood unchanged by day or by night; she would never speak to him.

Today he was going to try. he had carefully prepared what he was going to say. He had always been a virtuoso with words, he could sell winter coats to antivans. The warden had maybe outsmarted him, overpowered him but she would had never won a verbal sparring. he was skilled in twisting the truth and turning the tables. he would switch from the accused position to the accuser role, like this.

 

“I passed your test. Fate has a twisted sense of humor, it seems. I suppose you think I'm some kind of monster. More so since I survived your ritual. You keep striking at me, and I just refuse to die decently”

She looked at him like he had lost his mind. She simply shook her head and walked away leaving him standing like a fool in the middle of the camp.

Yes, he had done some bad things but he was not going to let her treat him like that! He was going to tell her what he thought of that little game she was playing with him. Tonight when she would come wet and needing he was going to persuade her to speak to him.

As usual, Kallian came to him in the dead of night, as usual, she crawled into his bed and started kissing and caressing him. He turned his back to her, but it wasn’t enough to dissuade her, she pressed her breast against his back and kept kissing his neck. When she slid her hands down to his belly rubbing and caressing. Then a little further down… she was not going to make it easy for him. Loghain took a deep inspiration and grabbed her intrusive hand as he turned to face her. He tried his best to look angry but the second he had her under him she throw her hands around his neck and sealed their lips together. Damn it! He returned her kiss. To be desired with such passion… was a thing he had never known. He had to forget his pride and let himself drown in her. A woman such as Kallian craving him like he was the last man in Thedas was unhoped for. Did it matter that in the morning she would treat him like horse shit? Didn’t he deserve it after all? Shouldn’t he focus into taking what she had to give without seeking for more?

He tried to pull away, to leave the bed, walk outside this tent but she clung to him kept sucking and licking his lips. He said  “No!”, he growled “Kallian, don’t!”, but she wasn’t taking no for an answer.

 His cock was growing harder and his resolve weaker.

No.

He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her away violently slamming her back against the thin bedroll

“Stop it!” he yelled

Something wasn’t right he could tell when he saw her panicked expression and the fear in her eyes. He had only a few seconds to examine her face before his jaw collided with her fist, she was fast, he had no time to react as he found himself under her he succeeded in intercepting the second punch and catching her hand but she swiftly broke his grasp and when her hands tightened around his throat he knew she was really meaning to kill him.

He closed his fist and punched three times. He hit her right flank and ribs then her face.

Kallian fell unconscious on the ground. next to her, Loghain was coughing and trying to catch his breath.he turned his head to look at her as he touched his neck with a shaking hand. What has just happened?

Loghain surged out of his tent carrying Kallian’s inert body, at this sight Sten draw his sword looking menacingly at the other man. Loghain stared at the huge qunary and said “she is just unconscious” Sten didn’t respond, he continued glaring at him waiting for Loghain to give him a reason to attack. Loghain, just walked away. he stopped outside Wynne’s tent and called for her.

 

“What have you done to her?” was the first thing the old mage said.

“She attacked me, it was like she was possessed”

Loghain tried to ignore Wynne suspicious gaze as he sat beside them, watching her examining Kallian, trying to wake her up.

“Where am I? wynne? What happened?”

Wynne, Loghain and Sten were looking at her, she was in the middle of the camp andshe was wearing her... nightgown.

“What is the last thing you remember?” wynne asked

“I went to sleep”

“Do you recall going to Loghain’s tent?”

“What? No, of course not!” Kallian was looking at Wynne as if the woman was senile, how could she insinuate such a thing?

“Warden, for more than a week, you have been leaving your tent, every night, to go to this man’s tent”

Kallian shook her head, she opened her mouth to deny it, but Loghain and sten were here none of them tried to contradict the old women. It was true... she realized as horror and shame flooded her.

“I … I do not remember, I have felt... sore those last days, but I swear ...Wynne, I remember nothing”

“When did she attack you?” wynne asked Loghain.

It took him a while to pull himself together and answer her question.

“I yelled… I manhandled her” He said, refraining from showing any sort of emotions.

“It is dangerous to wake up a sleepwalking person”

“Sleepwalking?” Kallian asked

“Yes, you were sleepwalking, it is a condition, troublesome but not dangerous”

“It means...that I wasn’t doing it willingly?” Kallian said full of hope

“Well, a part of you was. But no, it was not you, the true Kallian, who was walking every night to… I should have spoken to you about it but I supposed that you won’t be pleased by any interfering in your personal matter”

Kallian closed her eyes, trying to shut the people around her out.

Loghain stood up trying to walk away as far as possible from that situation, from Kallian. The expression of shame and horror in her eyes it was like she had been caught fucking a Hurlock. He couldn't stand looking at her right now.

“I am surprised that a man as intelligent as you, Loghain, hadn’t noticed that something was amiss”

“Are you accusing me of something, old woman?”

“Or did you choose to take advantage of the situation, as usual”

“The elf kept crawling into my bed every night. What was I supposed to do?”

Visibly humiliated, Kallian rushed to her tent without looking back.

Wynne's twisted lips and Sten’s glare was judging him.

Loghain headed to the woods. He had to get away from them before they could notice his disillusion, his blighted hope. He had really thought that…old fool. She hadn’t executed him like a traitor for the sake of their son, and now the only thing left for him to do was to die with honor so he won’t remain a stain in his children’s life.in Kallian's life. He was willing to do so. it wasn't as painful as he thought compared to that. He banged his fist against the tree's rough bark.  of all those nights they had made love, of all the whispers and gentle caresses, Kallian would remember nothing but the bruises and the harsh words he just said. Ironically, what hurt the most was that he would remember every second of it.


	10. Ce que le jour doit à la nuit (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sixteen years after the Blight.  
> (spoilers for Inquisition)

 « Your worship, she is arriving »

Aya Lavellan put down the book she was reading, eyes glimmering and lips stretched with a satisfied smile. A smiled that kept widening with every step she took toward the gate.

 

She stood near the gate watching the small elven warden dismounting. To her surprise, Aya noticed that the Warden was not alone, she was accompanied by a human girl, the average fereldan peasant girl, robust and graceless. Was she a personal guard or a friend of the warden? Anyway, the Inquisitor focused on her precious guest, as she put on her most friendly smile.

“Welcome to Skyhold, Warden-Commander Kallian Tabris of Ferelden, or do you prefer to be called Arlessa?”

“Just call me Warden or Kallian it will do, your worship”

“No, no, no, please, call me Aya!”

“Aya, thank you for your gracious invitation I am honored to meet you”

“oh please warden don’t be so humble, I am the one who should feel honored that you finally took the time to come and visit me, Caridin will be pleased to see you, I…”

“Where is he?” the human girl interrupted.

“Adaia!” the Warden growled glaring at the girl “I am sorry, Inquisitor, my daughter is eager to see her brother.”

“Your daughter? How strange, Caridin never mentioned he has a sister,” Aya stated, fixing her gaze on the girl.

“He’s jealous of me because I’m the favorite child,” Adaia declared nonchalantly;

“She is joking,” the Warden clarified with a forced smile.

The Inquisitor laughed and said, “Look for your brother in the courtyard, he must be there.”

The girl looked confused trying to figure out which direction to take

“This way, sweetie” the inquisitor pointed. The girl rushed without a word in the direction indicated by the Inquisitor.

 _'So this is the product of an elf and a shemlen's union!_ ' Aya thought, _'ill-bred, and graceless children who inherit the humans’ malice and the flat ears’ stupidity'_  .Maybe Caridin was the exception that proved the rule.

"Adaia is a little bit spoiled, but she is a good girl" Kallian muttered as if she had read Aya's thoughts

"she is adorable," Aya smiled courteously to the elven Warden “and now my dear Warden , would you follow me please we have so much to talk about.”

Kallian knew that the Inquisitor hadn’t invited her to socialize, something was going on. She only prayed that this something wasn't involving her son. Two years ago the boy joined the Inquisition’s army without her permission which made it impossible for her to decline the Inquisitor’s invitation like she had done before.

 

Skyhold was vast and even by following the direction indicated by the Inquisitor, Adaia couldn’t help but feel lost. Was it the backyard or a courtyard or a garden or… many people were here, mages, soldiers, workers, and maybe some... guests? But no sign of her brother. she stood in the middle of them trying to gather herself and ask for direction but no one was really paying attention to her…except maybe one, a man, first thing she noticed, he was looking fixedly at her, second thing, he had a Grey Warden armor…something about growing up surrounded by Wardens made it easier for her to go his way to ask him even if his stare was creeping her out.

“Excuse me, Warden, I am a bit lost here and I wanted to ask you…”

The man blinked several times and kept staring at her, his eyes ran over her then focused once again on her face. Adaia knew that she wasn’t particularly attractive but this man seemed so shaken as if he had seen a ghost.

 

“You know what," she muttered, "don’t bother yourself I’m going to…”

 

“Oh no! The ugliest girl in Amaranthine has come! Run for your life, good people!” she heard a familiar voice shouting. She laughed and turned around to face her brother.

“Have you looked in the mirror lately, you’re ugly as a sin!” she giggled as he hugged her tightly before scooping her up into his arms.

Adaia laughed louder patting her brother on the back “I know you’re tall and robust, now would you put me down, please!”

Caridin finally put her down “missed me little sis?” he asked

“Not after mother gave me your room” her smirk disappeared as her big brother started tousling her brown hair.

She suddenly remembered that the old creepy Warden was still here standing near them and he continued staring at her.

Adaia pulled her brother closer and whispered in his ear “Is he dangerous?” as she pointed discreetly at the black haired warden.

Caridin glanced at the man and smiled “almost all the people of Thedas would say, yes he is”

Caridin put his arm around his sister’s shoulders and turned to face the man.

“Loghain, this is my young sister Adaia. Adaia, this is Warden Loghain Mac Tir”

Caridin observed carefully their reactions, Adaia reacted as expected, a snort and twisted lips to show more disdain. But Loghain’s reaction, it was a mystery even for him. The man who would never let an emotion trespass had his cold mask crumbling.

“I am hungry, let us go somewhere else,” she said ignoring the man standing before her as well as his hand stretched out, waiting for a handshake.

“In a minute” Caridin declared “Loghain and I have something to discuss first”

“You should be more careful with the company you keep, brother, people might say you are like him” Adaia muttered "I will be waiting for you near the principal gate"

 

“What is the matter Loghain? You look like you have seen a ghost”

“I have seen a face that I thought I would never see again”

“Who’s face?”

“...my mother’s face” Loghain's voice was merely a whisper

Caridin kept silent for a moment.

“She’s yours then?” Caridin asked.

“I cannot say for sure, but It seems... ” Loghain stopped talking to inhale deeply,then he closed his eyes and exaled slowly. Caridin put his hand on his father's shoulder.In two years, he had never seen him like this. "Yes she is,"Loghain finally said.

“You didn’t know?”

“No” he shook his head.

Who would have guessed that the Warden would keep another child fathered by Loghain after what he did?

“Adaia wouldn’t take this very well” Caridin stated.

“You mean she would do worse than pulling a sword and demanding a duel to the death” Loghain chuckled.

Caridin smiled remembering his own reaction two years ago when he saw Loghain for the first time. The resemblance was striking and He had figured out that the man was his father. Animated by rage and the suspicion that his conception was the result of a rape he had found nothing better than to challenge the old Warden to a duel. It was not the smartest thing he had done.

“I used to be angry with mom for lying to me all those years but now I only feel sympathy for her”

One was an accident that could be explained, excused. Two was a shame that couldn't be erased.

“More important, If Adaia is here it means that mother is here as well. She would never let her travel alone,” Caridin affirmed

“I promise you nothing, but I will try to talk to her” Loghain sighed.

Sixteen years were hardly sufficient to obliterate such a grudge, he knew it. But after seeing Adaia, hope was rising again. Maybe Kallian hadn't moved to something else after all...and perhaps she was still at the same place looking at the same sky.


	11. Ce que le jour doit à la nuit (part 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spoilers for Inquisition

Kallian followed the Inquisitor to what seemed to be her  'office' although the room was more luxurious than kallian’s own bedroom; golden statuettes, beautiful sculptures, fancy furniture and lots of books. The Warden wondered if the Inquisitor had the time to read all of them.

“Please have a seat,” Aya intimated.

The inquisitor was already sitting behind her huge desk. Did she finally put aside all the pretense and false modesty? Even if she was now a mere peacemaker receiving orders from Devine Victoria, Lavellan was still a powerful woman considered holy by most Andrastians and married to the man who had the loyalty of the greatest army in Thedas… getting on her wrong side would not be the wisest thing to do.

“I admire you, Warden. I truly do” Aya declared with a smile “you are what I consider a true hero”

“It is not like I had the choice, it was the 'fight or die' kind of situation”

“For me as well, it was this kind of situation” the Inquisitor laughed. “But it is not what I meant. Unlike me, you, Kallian Tabris, have faced true evil, you gazed into the abyss but strangely the abyss didn’t gaze back into you”

Kallian frowned, but tried her best to keep a serious face, she wasn’t sure what the Inquisitor was meaning by this abyss story yet she had to answer the best that she could.

“Do you consider that Corypheus wasn’t evil enough?”

Aya laughed “He was a joke!” she shook her head “a caricature blabbering with a deep voice, speaking big fat clichés about godhood and Tevinter superiority” she cleared her throat and said mimicking  Corypheus’ voice “You will kneel…you are a mistake… You are nothing”

Kallian laughed, it was unusual to see someone talking like this about the vanquished enemy. Ordinary people would say their enemies were the most evil, the most powerful, and the most dangerous just to seem braver. It was a rule ' _the more you demonize your enemy the more you look heroic'_  but somehow the dalish woman was not interested in giving this impression.

“No, you see Corypheus was so lamentable, people following him were insane or marginalized buggers he lured with power, gold or red lyrium”

“It is true that no one believed he was a god or that he would make the world a better place”

“True evil is incarnated by an attractive, charismatic and silver-tongued bastard who has the power to turn the brother against his brother. convincing or confusing, he can commit atrocious crimes and still find loyal people to defend him tooth and nail”

The more Aya talked the more Kallian felt targeted.

“The most serious kind of evil can cause more death and destruction than the blight itself and still find support, respect, and admiration”

“Aya…Inquisitor, I do not like to dwell on the past”

“I understand, but I need to know something, it will be primordial for what we are going to discuss next. One question Warden, allow me to ask”

Kallian nodded.

“I am not going to ask you why you didn’t execute him, your reasons are your own. but I desire to know what you think of him”

“What do you want to hear Inquisitor?”

“The truth, if possible.”

“People say that you and him are close friends… are you testing me?” Kallian glared suspiciously at the dalish woman.

 _Friendship, what a treacherous concept_ , Aya thought.

“I lie to the liars and I am honest with the honest, I do not know yet to which category you belong, but after you answer my question I will decide”

“I will answer your question”

Aya’s eyes glimmered with interest.  

“He is a dishonorable, dishonest, and devious man. Anyone who trusts him is stupid or oblivious and the ones who respect him do not deserve respect,” Kallian said calmly.

“And what about the ones who love him?” The Inquisitor hinted.

Aya was very entertained. Usually the flat-ears didn’t bother with morals but this one, she was outbidding, pushed by what Aya defined as guilt.

This was good for what was coming next.

“...Love doesn't obey any moral rules” Kallian muttered staring at the Dalish woman who was clearly having a good time setting her up.

 “This was not what I expected…” Aya said tracing the vallaslin on her chin.

“What did you expect?”

“Not this amount of pragmatism from you. You sure were delusional at a certain point of this story,” Aya confessed and soon regretted her words facing the murderous glare of the Warden.

 “Calm down Warden. Look, we need to lighten the mood.”

Aya stood up and gave the Warden sign to follow her,

“Come with me I am going to show you my collection of arms”

“Your collection of what?”

“my artificial arms, I have so many and I keep receiving them as gifts, the one I am wearing now is a gift from my father it’s made of ironbark”

The Inquisitor grabbed Kallian’s hand and put it on her left arm “feel it”

Kallian didn’t know how to react anymore, but if Aya’s purpose was to distract her, the dalish woman had succeeded.

“Come now I have so much more to show you”

 

 

 

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us,” Adaia said before taking another bite of her sandwich.

“It is not like I am going to get married tomorrow, I asked for her hand and she said yes.”

“The Inquisitor, this Ava or Aya or whatever is her name, is she forcing you to marry her daughter? Tell the truth Caridin!” she stopped to swallow and continued “Mom is going to butcher her!”

“Nobody is forcing me. I am old enough to choose a wife. At seventeen, mother was facing a blight while pregnant with me.”

“Then, mom is going to butcher you,” Adaia said as she kept munching her snack.

“Kalli is coming our way, listen, Adaia, I am serious, she is susceptible and shy, be nice and don’t ask many questions, and wipe your mouth, piggy pig”

Adaia wiped her mouth quickly with the back of her hand and raised her head to look where Caridin was looking. There was a silver-haired elven girl wearing a simple dress coming their way with hesitant steps, Caridin smile encouraged her and she smiled back as she took more assured steps.

“She doesn’t look like her mother,” Adaia mumbled.

“She is adopted, hush now,” he said quickly and rose to greet the girl.

“I was looking for you this morning,” Caridin said

“I… I was…helping in…in the infirmary,” The girl stuttered.

“You have been missed” Caridin whispered as he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. The girl blushed and glanced to Adaia who was staring at them with wide eyes.

“Kalli, meet my little sister Adaia or as we all call her at home ‘the little monster of Amaranthine’”

Kalli grabbed Adaia’s hand with both her hands “I … I have heard…so…so much …about you” the girl stuttered

“Whatever he said it was all lies” Adaia joked

“Caridin is luck…lucky to have…a sis..ter, I have al…always wanted…to have a…a big family”

“Oh, I’m sure that Caridin will give you many children” Adaia watched with amusement Kalli’s pale face turn red.

Caridin nudged his sister with his elbow

“What?” Adaia asked

Caridin replied with a glare.

“I wanted to show you something this morning, would you like to go for a walk with me, now?”

Kalli nodded and grabbed Caridin’s arm,

“It was a p…pleasure to …meet you …Adaia”

“Skyhold is tricky don’t get lost,” Caridin warned.

“I am going to sit here, all alone, cowardly abandoned by my own brother in a foreign place” Adaia whined

“Maybe we should…” Kalli tried to say

Caridin glared at his sister and pulled Kalli by her arm “Let’s go!” he muttered watching his sister sticking her tongue out to taunt him.

He took a few steps and turned over to shout “And no fighting in the mud, piggy pig!”

“Kalli, when you get back, remind me to tell you the story of the throne room!” Adaia shouted back

 

 

 

 

Caridin led his fiancée to the garden, when they reached it, he put his hand over her eyes and guided her for a few more steps. When he removed his hand the young elf started laughing with delight at the spectacle before her eyes.

“See, it blossomed!”

“I thought it was dead,” she said caressing the white petals

“You give life to everything you touch,” he whispered.

Kalli smiled and pulled him into a warm embrace. After a moment she whispered “I am sorry” Caridin put his hand under her chin and raised her head. When their eyes met he asked, “For what, love?”

“I…My stutter, it gets worse when I meet someone new, and your sister, she must think I am…”

Caridin smiled “when they first meet you, people are too subjugated by your beauty to even notice what you are saying”

Kalli burst into laughter, “you are terrible!” she said slapping him on the shoulder.

“Tell me about the throne room story that Adaia talked about,” Kallie said giggling.

Caridin smile faded but he managed to keep a straight face.

“Is it not a funny story? If you don’t feel like telling it, I would understand,” she stammered.

“Well, it is a silly story about a silly thing I did when I was ten” He smiled to reassure the girl who was looking at him with concern, alas it didn’t work.

Caridin sighed “When I was ten I convinced the new seneschal to let me pass judgments I took advantage of mother’s absence and the man’s inexperience and I lied to him, I told him that I had her permission”

“He believed you?” Kalli frowned.

“I can be very convincing. Anyway, I sat on the throne and sentenced everybody to death even the two guys who were arguing about a goat ownership…”

Kallie clapped her hand over her mouth in shock.

“Nobody got killed, the seneschal kept them in cells and waited for mother’s return. When she came back, she locked me in my room for several days”

“She must have been furious!”

“That’s what everybody thought, but I saw something else in her eyes... fear, she was afraid of me, I begged I asked for forgiveness to no avail. She let me out after uncle Nate intervened”

“Were you serious about executing all those people?”

“I was not even serious about passing judgment and I was aware that if I had stated otherwise the new seneschal would have carried the sentences so I said 'hang them all' I knew he would wait for mother’s arrival to applicate such a severe punishment.”

“Did you explain to her?”

“She was not convinced. The uncompromising Warden-Commander was probably thinking that somehow I had the roots of evil inside me... I now understand why”

"That's not true," Kalli said squeezing his hand "and you know it"

 

 

 

Adaia was about to return her attention to her meal when she heard him

“How is your family?” Loghain asked

“Not you again!” she growled

“Your grandfather, uncle, and aunt are they all right?”

“Yeah, they are fine. However, uncle Soris, the one you have sold his wife, is still waiting for an apology or a sign of regret” Adaia mocked the man who was standing unblinking before her.

Facing his annoyed silence she rolled her eyes and said “That’s what I thought”

“You are quite eloquent, girl. Do you like your studies?”

“It depends. Orlesian literature is my favorite subject I learned a new phrase recently do you want to hear it”

“Sure”

“Casse-toi sale con,” she said.

“So this is the kind of education your mother is dispensing you” Loghain kept looking at her with his arms crossed over his chest. He knew how to react when someone attacked him but he had never suffered such disdain from someone he cared so much about… Maybe once or twice, but never from a girl with a face he had always associated with tenderness and affection.

“Although it has always been one of my dreams to become best friends with a war criminal, I really have to go now” Adaia stood up preparing to leave.

“You are an arrogant brat who knows nothing about life” He hissed grabbing her arm.

“I know enough not to want to be near a man who has treated peasants as slaves, mages as weapons and elves as animals,”

“That is what your mother has told you?” he involuntarily tightened his grip on her arm.

“My mother is a merciful fool, if it was me, your head would still be hung on Denerim's gate."

How could someone who had this face speak such cruelties? It was like having his own mother telling him how much he deserved to die. He was shaking...this… it was too much to bear, Even for him.

"Let go of my arm, you disgus..."

Adaia didn't see this coming. The man pulled her closer and hugged her with all his forces. Surprise gave way to anger as she struggled to free herself. When he finally let go, breathless, she stared at his face and it became impossible for her to recall any insult or pettiness.... "Stay away from me," she managed to say before she ran away.

Even if her brain started to assimilate what just happened, her heart refused to acknowledge it.


	12. Ce que le jour doit à la nuit (part 3)

In front of Kallian’s astonished eyes, Aya displayed her large collection of artificial arms. She then understood why the dalish woman was so proud of it. Each one was a piece of art, made from the finest materials. Rare metals, runes, and expensive woods.

One, in particular, caught Kallian’s eye,

“This one is it made of gold?”

“Pure gold and gems. It’s a gift from Madame De Fer”

“She must like you” Kallian concluded.

“She doesn’t, but she likes to show how wealthy she is”

“Take this one, press the button here”

Kallian carefully pressed the button hidden on the back of the wrist and a sharp blade popped out.

“This one is a gift from Briala”

“Let me guess, she doesn’t like you but she likes to show how ingenious she is”

“No, she likes me…I think.”

 “You offered her a great opportunity”

“I offered her what she deserved”

“You make Briala the ruler of Orlais and yet you keep strong ties with Loghain”

“I like him” The Inquisitor shrugged

“I bet you are sick of hearing the “everything is gray” theory so I am going to tell you what I really think, yes the guy is all black and you are all white but you need the dark night as much as you need daylight to make things work”

_Him always ready to sacrifice people to shed blood to keep invaders away and her making sure to keep the people safe and happy it is a perfect match, but it never happened._

“Ferelden didn’t need a civil war, didn’t need more bigotry and it sure didn’t need slavery”

“Don’t be angry, I was not trying to defend him. If you could forget what he did during the blight for a second… I grow up surrounded by men like him, I am aware that you do not want to hear this but it is men like him who build a solid civilization, strong communities, strong countries, woman like yourself who build schools and orphanages are a great asset their tolerance and kindness are also needed …”

“but”

“But, you must understand that empires are not built by people like you Warden…and too much tolerance will destroy everything. Anyway, if I were Inquisitor at the time I would have forced you both to marry and run the country together”

“hopefully, you were not Inquisitor at the time”

“Then I would have paid Varric to write an erotic book about your couple” Aya laughed.

“To make people accept us I presume”

“no, because my love life is stagnant”

“what do you reproached to your husband? Is he too tolerant?” Kallian chuckled.

 “You see humans marry for money and power, dalish marry for beauty and strength, and I was never attractive enough, short story, the human commander was my best option and I was his”

 

“This one got sharp claws, it’s an interesting design”

“From Varric, those claws can cut into everything even some metals, I do not know from where he got this idea but I like it”

“This one is from Loghain, it’s light, practical.... and quit elegant”

Kallian remained silent for several minutes staringat the object, remembering the day he gave her her first true armor.

"He has a good taste"

The Inquisitor chuckled looking at Kallian's pretty face,

"Indeed, he has"

After a moment of silence, Aya thought that it was a perfect timing to start...

“He is here,” she announced.

“I swear I didn’t invite him, he has a room in skyhold so he comes whenever he feels like it” Aya added.

 

Kallian’s heart sank, Caridin might have met him…

“does he come often?”

“No, but two years ago he started to visit more often”

If the warden was half as smart as they said she would have understood what Aya was hinting.

“He and your son are close friends”

Kallian stood petrified by what she just heard. Slowly, Aya took the prosthetic arm from the warden’s hands and faced her

“I have a daughter did you know?”

“I…yes, I heard that you and your husband have rescued and adopted a girl from Ferelden”

“well we rescued a group of elves in our way to his sibling's house, some slavers were taking them away and you should have seen how Cullen handled the situation, it was like watching the Iron bull fight, he cut a man in half with one swing of his sword” Aya giggled like a little girl.

“The slavers were fereldan?” Kallian blinked.

“oh, they didn’t report this information to you? Locals said that Loghain’s impunity and the fact that his daughter was made queen encouraged the slavery trade, they think that as long as their merchandise is flat-ears they risked nothing.”

Kallian lowered her head.

“it was a fact Warden not a blame”

“it doesn’t make it hurt less”

“Cullen and I tried to find her relatives but we failed, people we freed told us that her mother and father tried to resist and were killed…of course, they did, they had named their daughter after you warden, Kallian but we call her Kalli. She’s the joy and pride of her father, but something was bothering him,”

Kallian listened carefully to every word. The Inquisitor was not telling her the story of her life without a reason.

“She had no friends, she was a lonely child spending her time reading books and couldn’t line up a single phrase when she was in public,” aya explained.

“And you know my beautiful husband’s tears are like poison to me, so I decided to present her some people of my clan, proud and strong dalish men. But nothing worked until your son Caridin came to Skyhold”

“Are you trying to tell me that my son and your daughter are… in a romantic relationship?”Kallian asked.

“yes, in fact, tonight we are going to celebrate their engagement”

Kallian sat on the bed, silent, trying to assimilate all the news. Her son did he become a complete stranger in only two years? He now surely is close to Loghain and he was going to marry without even taking advice from her.

“Warden?”

“All this… it is so … sudden”

“I invited you so they both can have your blessing”

“I don’t think that my son needs my blessing otherwise he would have told me about his fiancée”

“It is I who decided to organize a little party to celebrate, Caridin and Kalli didn’t know about it until the last moment…”

Aya sat beside the warden. Now it was the perfect moment to tell her.

“I must confess, the main reason I am throwing the party is to have you as a guest , there is something you should know about…”

The door cracked open without warning and the commander entered the room.

“I knew I will find you here, warden”

Aya tried to disguise her annoyance with a little smile,

“My husband, what brings you here?”

Cullen opened his mouth to answer but Kallian spoke first,

“Commander Cullen, I barely recognized you!”

“When we met at Kinloch hold, it feels like it happened in another life.”

“It is good to see you in such a good shape” Kallian declared looking at the blond man before her.

“I didn’t really thank you for what you did back then,” Cullen said.

“Don’t mention it” Kallian smiled to the Commander.

Cullen kept silent for a moment, trying to chase the memories brought back by this encounter.

“Your daughter, I found her wandering outside, she seemed upset. I left her in the great hall and I came looking for you”

“What happened to her?”

“She wouldn’t tell me, so I thought…”

“Thank you Cullen” she managed to say before rushing towards the great hall.

 

Aya was still sitting on the bed playing nonchalantly with one of her fake arms. Completely ignoring the man who was standing in front of her.

“Did you tell her?” he finally said.

“I was about to do so when you came in” she sighed without looking at him.

“Cancel this foolish party and let us lay our cards on the table”

“You are confounding things. We are playing chess not some Wicked Grace” Aya chuckled weaving the artificial arm.

“Our daughter’s future is not a game” Cullen growled.

“Everything is a game, it includes moving people like vulgar pawns. He knows it, I know it and yet you are still thinking that honesty will pay in the end.”

“This is not some political matter, it’s Kalli’s happiness and future that depend on it”

“And what do you suggest?huh? we lock her into her room until she changes her mind or pray that amnesia would strike her?”

“Yes…she is young and she would thank us later for preventing her from doing a mistake”

Aya put her hand over her forehead and rolled her eyes.

“All right, you want to play chess, tell me then if he is fast enough to move his queen out of your reach what would you do?”

“Let him concentrate on the queen while I take down his king with a pawn” Aya smiled.

“No!” Cullen glared at her.

“Look, my dear husband, all those years you stayed at the safest place and let me do all the work and take all the risks and now it is too late to step in and play the role of the ‘patriarch’.”Aya mocked.

“That is what you think of me?”

“Honestly, I think worse, I think you are a quitter, you left the Templars when things went to hell in Kirkwall, you left me to die in Haven, and you sent me to face Corypheus and his dragon while you sat in skyhold with women and children and then you married me when you were sure that I was going to die soon…what a hero you are!”

“This conversation is over”

“Yes, it is! Now, go do some paperwork and let me handle the situation.”

 

 

“Adaia, my baby, what happened?” Kallian asked squeezing her daughter in her arms.

Adaia pushed her away, shaking her head and trying to hold back her tears.

Kallian didn’t give up she reached for her daughter’s hand and pulled her closer preventing any indiscrete ear to hear their conversation.

“Who upset you? Did Caridin say something unpleasant?”

After a moment of silence Adaia raised her head, glaring to her mother and hissed

“Who is my father?”

Kallian’s jaw dropped. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to prevent this from happening but she thought that she had some years left before this matter would be put on the table.

“It doesn’t matter…Adaia, you are my little miracle. When you came to this world you gave me back what they had taken from me”

“I am sure that it is a lie like everything else”

“It is the truth. After your birth, I was no more a Grey Warden the poison disappeared from my blood and it is thanks to you, my little miracle”

“who am I? I am the daughter of a criminal, a monster!” Adaia yelled.

“There are no monsters, he is a man like any other” Kallian stated.

“How can you say that?”

“Adaia, listen carefully because I am not going to say it twice… among my companions, the ‘good ones’,some of them would have done worse than Loghain if they had half the power he had”

“But…I am of his blood it makes me like him”

“the only one who is like him is the daughter he has raised… the lies, the treachery the lack of conscience the heartlessness, they are taught not inherited my little one,” Kallian said, holding her daughter tight in her arms. She knew that sometimes wickedness was in the blood, she had witnessed it before, children born to fine parents acting like demons with no conscience… but it was not the time to explain this to the shaken girl before her.

“Mother” a familiar and dear voice called her.

Kallian took a deep breath trying to hide any apprehension that could be seen over her face before turning to face him with a big smile.

She doubted that Caridin would be as easy to deal with as Adaia and she knew that a brilliant mind was far easier to corrupt, and if Loghain had only managed to confuse Adaia he might have succeeded to convince Caridin.

“My son, come here,” Kallian said reaching for her son.

“It is good to see you, mom,” Caridin smiled as his mother put her hands on his cheeks and inspected him.

“You became more handsome than ever, taller and stronger” Kallian declared patting his shoulder.

“But did you get any wiser I wonder?” She added looking him in the eyes. They were Loghain’s eyes, same shape, and same color but they were neither empty nor cold, he was not like him…not yet.

Caridin opened his mouth to answer but Kallian stopped him.

“Adaia, sweetie, go to your room, wash your face and take some rest, tonight we are celebrating your brother's engagement”

“But I don’t know where…”

“Come on daughter ask any servant and they will show you…go now”

Kallian watched as Adaia took the stairs and walked away from them. Now she can concentrate on …

“Was Adaia crying?” Caridin asked.

“She has met Loghain” Kallian declared paying clear attention to her son’s reaction.

“oh, I didn’t expect her to find out so soon” Caridin Laughed.

Kallian’s heart sank.

“She is going to be fine” Kallian muttered.

“Are you fine, mother?” Caridin asked “you seem quite pale”

“I heard that you and Loghain are friends now.”

“This is direct” he laughed “yes he has been training me since…since we met and I am using a sword and a shield now”

“Has he trained you to lie, to hate yourself and your mother?”

“You are the only one who lied to me”

“It was necessary at the time”

“Careful Kallian, you sound exactly like him”

“If…if I had known that he would take my baby from me, I would have killed him”

“Nobody took me from you, mom”

“He tried…back then, he sent assassins and bounty hunters after me when he knew I was pregnant with his child…he tried so hard to kill us”

“…he said he didn’t know about your pregnancy”

“lies!lies! Did I spend all those years alone, dedicating my life to you so you would go and start believing this man’s lies?”

“you spent all those years alone because you were afraid of letting any man close”

“Do you hate me this much?” Kallian bit her lip hard, preventing her tears from showing.

“I love you mother, more than anyone” Caridin whispered taking her in his arms.

Kallian hugged him tightly and said with a barely audible voice “you are a skillful liar, Loghain’s son.”

 


	13. Ce que le jour doit à la nuit (part 4)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added two chapters tonight (so make sure to check the previous chapter ).  
> Next one will be the final chapter, I think (containing some smut)  
> and because I cannot make up my mind it's possible that I'll write two versions of the ending (a happy one and a sad one)  
> I hope you will enjoy it.

The wine, the food the music, the decoration, Kallian had never seen anything like it. the Inquisitor surely did know how to throw a party, and how to choose a dress, the dalish woman was dressed in silk and velvet embellished by pearls and rubies, and even if she wasn’t the most beautiful woman around she surely emitted the sweet perfume of danger…A unique fragrance that Kallian knew how dizzying it could be.

“She must have bewitched him,” Lady Montgomery said with disdain

“I beg your pardon,” Kallian said politely

“The savage, who else! ...one of my servants used to work in Skyhold and she says that this dalish Inquisitor is always burning some strange smelling incense whenever she is receiving her husband in her bedroom”

“Interesting” Kallian said trying to keep a smile on her face

“How else an ugly savage like her has seduced one of the best-looking men in Ferelden?”

“Maybe because she is the most powerful woman in Thedas after Divine Victoria”

“Nonsense, our men value the good genealogy of a woman overall, the nobility of the blood Warden”

“How many noble women would have given him a second look if he was not the Inquisitor’s husband?”

She finally shut her mouth…those highly depraved creatures and their vicious tongues…maybe it had something to do with Loghain losing his mind when he thought that his daughter was going to be cast away.

“Warden Commander Tabris”

Speak of the Devil…

“You are as beautiful as always,” he said

Words like a light caress or a lash, giving her shivers and making her giddy.

“Loghain,” she said raising her head to look at him.

His hair was shorter but darker than ever, not a single gray hair. Kallian felt bitter, the years didn’t seem to have changed him or broke his nefarious pride. She could see it in the way he was standing, in the way he was dressed, and in the way he was looking at her… to her regret, He was still the same.

Kallian managed to put a little sarcastic smile on her lips

“Not a single gray hair? It suggests that you didn’t lose much time thinking about all the things you did”

“As this ugly blond hair coloring suggests that half your hair turned gray. The result of constantly judging people, I am quite certain” 

Kallian laughed and took a sip of her cup, trying to keep her shaking hand steady. No outpouring of emotions could be benefic in those circumstances. Loghain was going full throttle and he has gained Caridin’s trust in a few months… She needed to be as rational as possible.

“Lady Montgomery, you look lovely this evening,” He said bowing to kiss the hand of the woman standing next to Kallian.

“You are a dangerous flatterer, Teyrn Loghain” the old Lady laughed, fanning herself.

“He is dangerous period, and not a Teyrn anymore” Kallian giggled.

Loghain gripped her arm tightly whispering “are you unable to behave, elf?”

“Not when you are around, human” Kallian smirked.

“Excuse us Lady Montgomery, Warden Tabris and I have Gray Wardens' matters to discuss,” Loghain said courteously.

“Of course? I’ll leave you to it.”

 

After the departure of the woman, Kallian’s smile faded as she pulled her arm from his grip and glared at him.

“Never act like you are my husband!”

“Understood,” he coldly replied and added, “We have matters to discuss.”

“Let us go somewhere more private” Kallian sighed.

“Lead the way”

 

 

 

 

 

“Look, they are going upstairs,” Caridin said with a big smile on his face.

“You think she will say yes?” Kalli chuckled.

“I think Loghain can be persuasive when the future of Ferelden is depending on it”

“You want him to lie to her” Kalli grimaced.

“Well, she already loves him, all she needs to see is some kind of regret and repentance” Caridin shrugged.

“Do you really hate your mother this much?” Kalli muttered.

“We have already discussed this. This is the best option for her, it is marrying him or spending the rest of her days alone.”

“You don’t know what it is like to be married to someone who doesn’t respect your race and thinks you are born inferior”

“And you, what do you know about it?” Caridin frowned, looking suspiciously at his fiancée

“I don’t want to talk about it”

“You must speak now. Since the first time I told you about my plan you kept saying it is a bad idea yet you never explained, why”

“Are you blind? Can’t you see the hell my father is living in?” Kalli hissed.

“The commander?”

“Yes the commander, she doesn’t miss an opportunity to humiliate him, whether it is in his presence or when she is with members of her family…bad mouthing him, mocking him, flirting with other men in front of him…”

“Well, I do not think it is because he is human, it is power and wealth making your mother lose her humility…”

“You never asked yourself why she is always sending humans on the most dangerous missions…She tells her sisters to bring her perfumed incense used by dalish in religious ceremonials to burn it in her bedroom because she thinks humans stinks and her husband in particular. She… She even promised him a child yet I can see her picking special herbs every morning in the garden”

“I had no idea…”

“This dalish woman is as evil as Loghain. Cullen, and your mother deserve better”

“I never heard you speaking like this before” Caridin muttered scrutinizing the girl before him.

“I…I don’t like how Cull…how my father is treated”

Caridin shut his eyes tightly and repeated “your father…your father”

“Caridin?”

“Do you really think of him as a father or is he the savior who rescued you seven years ago, or is he…”

Kalli put her hand over the boy’s mouth.

“don’…don’t say it” she stuttered and run away from him.

“Kalli!” he shouted “wait” he tried to follow her, but a voice came from behind him.

“Let the scared little mouse go”

“Sidonie,” Caridin said without dissimulating his irritation.

“You were not made to endure the mood-swings of a broken little girl while playing the role of a simple soldier”

“And I was made for what in your opinion”

“You were made to rule,” Sidonie Montgomery declared.

“Everybody thinks that they were made to rule”

“Maybe, but not everybody has the blood of two legendary heroes and lands waiting for them”

“I really wonder why Lavellan keeps inviting you and your mother when she knows how much you hate her”

“Same reason she wants you to marry her little adopted kitten, because we are nobility”

“I am the bastard son of an elf”

“When you get tired of playing this poor soldier act, return to Ferelden, Gwaren is waiting for you and so am I”


	14. Ce que le jour doit à la nuit (part 5)

Loghain followed her upstairs hypnotized by the swings of her hips as she walked in front of him. Was she exaggerating it or is it his own longing amplifying thing and making every one of her movement unbearably erotic? Still, his lust didn’t prevent him from noticing a strange thing about the Warden, he couldn’t sense her like wardens usually did… it happened before when he met “Blackwall” he sensed no taint in him but back then he kept silent about it fearing that it was another one of Corypheus’ tricks to turn the wardens against each other but he learned later that the guy was an imposter and that the grey wardens ability to sense the taint in each other and in Darkspawns doesn’t simply ‘break’… he ignored how and when but he was certain that Kallian was no longer a warden.

She opened the door of a room and he silently followed her inside. She locked the door and it took few instant before she turns to face him. He couldn’t read her face…she wasn’t the outraged girl he once knew, burning with enthusiasm and righteous indignation and ready to change the world…now she seems wiser, bitterer…but people never change, and if you scratch the surface you find the true them.

He chuckled.

“What is so funny?” Kallian frowned

“Everything. I am surprised that you fail to see the irony of the situation”

Kallian nervously brushed her hair behind her ear thinking for a second about what he said about her new hair color…damn him, he guessed right and she was already thinking about changing it.

“You are not a warden” he affirmed

“Was it a question?”

“A simple observation,” he said.

Kallian sat on her bed and said,

“It happened after I gave birth to Adaia. For the first time in a while, I was able to sleep peacefully but then I received a visit from some charming wardens from Weisshaupt. They already suspected it and when it was confirmed that I was no longer a warden and they had no authority over me they made me an offer. Without me, it was hard for them to recruit and without them I was once more a simple elf in Ferelden, so I pretended to be a warden”

“And no one suspected it?”

“With the help of my seneschal and some close companions we made it work”

Faced with silence, Kallian wondered, was he envious? It wouldn’t be surprising if he was

“Did it affect Adaia in any way?”

The question surprised her.

“She has always been a healthy child, very energetic and sane” Kallian raised her head and looked the man standing before her right in the eyes “what do you want Loghain?”

He knelt before her and held her hand.

The surprise stopped her from reacting when he touched her, hands covering hers and lying in her lap.

“I am glad both of you are fine,” he said, voice low, almost emotional.

Kallian couldn’t find anything to say. His closeness, his warm breath caressing her skin, the touch of his hands… not a single relevant word came to her mind.

“The Calling, what does it sound like?” she spoke without thinking.

He stared at her pretty face and no sign of mockery or gloating was there.

“It is something, fortunately, you will never hear.” He murmured, carefully caressing her cheek. Even if the famous gray warden’s appetite made him less able to control his sexual urges he knew that rushing things would bring nothing good in this situation…he had to measure and calculate every gesture.

Finally, Kallian’s hand reached for him and started to stroke his hair, not without hesitation. Without breaking the eye contact, he slowly moved his hands from her lap to her hips. He watched as her lips opened to take a sharp inhale. But she didn’t seem to object, not even when he gripped her hips more tightly and pulled her closer. Now he was kneeling between her opened legs, his hands grabbing her hips and hers resting on his shoulders.

Without even noticing it Kallian’s head bowed slightly to make it easier for his lips to reach hers. And he didn’t decline this graceful invitation.

They had never kissed like this before. It had always been hungry and needy kisses or slow and torrid ones with more tongues than lips. But now it was the soft contact of their lips as if they were coming together for the first time.

It had been a long time since Kallian had felt such a burning desire and a chaste kiss wouldn’t be sufficient and so her lust took over as she deepened the kiss grabbing his hands and putting them on her aching breasts… she moaned as he started to fondle them while caressing her eager tongue with his.

She moaned shamelessly imagining his mouth on her breasts… she immediately pushed him away and started undressing, she needed to bare her chest and expose it to him hoping he won’t force her to beg and voice her own desires.

Once her breasts exposed, Loghain didn’t wait for a further invitation as he took one of her hard nipples into his mouth while pinching the other one.

“Yes!” she whimpered “don’t stop”

He knew how much she liked to have her nipples played with and he wasn’t going to disappoint her tonight. He sucked and licked the dark buds occasionally nibbling at them until she was screamed with pain and pleasure. He also noticed her hand going between her legs as she began caressing herself.

“It feels so good, Loghain” she moaned and it almost made him come.

He pinched her nipples hard and pulled them and witnessed as her hand’s movement sped up filling the room with the wet sounds of her fingers going inside and out of her dripping hole. He then abandoned her aching nipples and with both hands forced her legs open and stared at her wet cunt.

“Stop” he ordered with a husky voice “remove your hand”

She moaned loudly and did as he said. “You would like me to suck at your breast? But I won’t be able to look at you fingering yourself like a whore in heat”

She moaned louder.

“Remove your hand,” he said

He slapped her hand away and penetrated her with three of his thick, rough fingers.

The hasty intrusion made her scream, it woke her up from the lethargy. She opened her eye and pushed him.

“Not like this” her dry mouth didn’t help her to formulate her thoughts. She took a deep breath and said,

“Touch me like you would touch something precious…slower…make it last”

Surprised, he withdrew a little bit and she feared he would leave her at once but it didn’t happen.

Loghain put his arms around her pinning her to the bed and burying his face in her curled locks.

“You have always liked…this” he said leaking her ear.

“I don’t like it anymore” she whimpered.

“A bad liar” he laughed and kissed her cheek “but I will do as you wish, warden”

“My name is Kallian”

“Kallian,” he said kissing her nose “kalian," he repeated kissing her eye then one last time “kalian,” before kissing her mouth.

It was so sweet that she almost felt like she could forget everything and anything about the past, the present and the ugly things that hadn’t happened yet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Breathless, Loghain left the bed, put on his pants and sat on a chair in front of her.

"Adaia is the spitting image of her grandmother"

Disorientated, Kallian who was still in the peaks of pleasure took a moment to understand what he was saying.

She leaned on her elbows to get up and looked at him with eyes half closed. She was dizzy and her lower half felt numb but she had to concentrate and listen carefully. If some pleasure would make her lose sight on why they were here she knew that Loghain even after what they did would still fully alert.

"It made me realize one thing, you belong to the family… you're one of us, a Mac Tir"

Kallian kept staring at him amused but also intrigued by what he was insinuating and especially where he was going with this.

"You became one of us the day you gave birth to Caridin, and now it would be appropriate to make it official"

He was…she blinked…no, it was not her imagination he just proposed, indirectly, but he did anyway and he was waiting for her answer.

“What? You want to adopt me?” she smiled trying to keep her calm.

Loghain stared at her.

“No, but if it is some twisted desire in your heart I would oblige”

The joke was on her now. She would never be able to outsmart him in a conversation he had the annoying tendency to have the last word.

“Enough joking, now” she groaned, visibly irritated

“Alright,” he shrugged.

“Did you just proposed to me? Or was it my imagination?”

“Yes, I did” he affirmed

“I don’t even know how to react to this, should I be confused or feel insulted”

“A yes or a no will do”

“No”

“Stop being selfish and think about your children!”

“Oh! You still think that your family name holds more value than mine! You are truly an arrogant man”

“It is not about value, elf! But if you insist on bringing it to this, I assure you that being the children of the traitor would be better than being the bastards of an elf, even if it is a wealthy elf”

“Maybe you are right, but still, I know that there is a scheme behind this”

“Think about it and give me your answer before you leave for Amaranthine,” he said trying to close the subject

“I gave them everything… and you are telling me it was not enough” She was not going to let it go easily.

“Don’t be dramatic woman…besides, If you really gave them everything may I ask why my son is working as a soldier and his sister is dressed like a peasant’s daughter”

Kallian burst into laughter. He glared at her and added,

“Anora fulfilled her promise. She gave you Gwaren and all the gold I had to the last piece, what have you done with it?”

“Did you thought that I was going to spend your cursed fortune which you gathered at the cost of tears and blood, the people’s tears and blood, not yours, on my children?”

“Superstitious, hum? I would have never guessed” he mocked.

“What have you done with it then elf? Did you gave it to the lazy scums of your alienage?” he glared at her.

“No, I bought back the ones you sold, I was able to save the majority of them... I built free schools that offer two meals a day to encourage the poor to send in their children.  I built mixed orphanages where the little ones will grow up together like siblings. I am building a future where there would be no place for you.”

“Good luck with it” Loghain rolled his eyes trying his best not to look impressed by what she did.

“And my father spent all his life working hard, now he is sick and can barely leave the bed yet you are carrying yourself and fucking like a young man, it tells how much “work” you have done to earn your gold”

“I have done nothing to earn it, just saving a country” he chuckled drily.

“You took more than what you deserved and you caused so much pain and spilled so much blood that I don’t want you near my children. You are cursed. Is it so hard to understand?”

“Your logic is deficient it is pure superstition and idiocy,” Loghain said with an annoyed expression.

“See, the divine has a cruel but just retribution, the children reap what their parents sow” Kallian stood up to face him.

“Cailin the golden boy, the spoiled joy and pride of his father, Connor the precious heir, loved and protected , the Couslands, more powerful than the king himself,  Uriel and his beloved deranged son,  and the best one, a man who thought that his daughter would be the perfect queen, he planned everything except the fact that she would be barren”

She was half-expecting it when the palm of his hand hit her cheek. She tottered but didn’t fall. She put her hand over her sore cheek and laughed.

“Finally an honest reaction”

He said nothing he just kept looking at her, clenching his hands into fists, surprised that she didn’t put a dagger to his throat, yet.

She only sat back on the bed.

 

“I am tired…I feel like I am already too old. And I know, I know that people don’t change, the Inquisitor will always be the fierce dalish hunter, her husband will always be that Templar boy I saved in Kinloch hold I am still the simple girl who wanted nothing more than a house a husband and children and you…you are still an ambitious peasant full with hatred and envy." she raised her head to look at him and added "you are a very disappointing man”

“I know” he whispered

“Why? You won’t come and ask me to be your wife just because you like my two bastards… I am smart enough to know that there is something going on with Caridin”

If she once had a romantic side, it was long gone and replaced by bitterness and pragmatism. He had imagined it so many times what life would look like If Ostagar didn’t happen if he had taken her with him...in the coldest nights, he managed to convince himself that the admiration in her eyes would have changed him he would have become another man a better man… the man he never had a chance to be.

“When the time will come, Caridin will take the succession of his sister on the throne”

Kallian put her hand over her eyes and shook her head. Part of her dreaded it would one day come to this.

“Remember, it is not your decision to make and Caridin has already made his mind. Moreover, It is him who insisted that I propose to you even after I told him it would be simpler to have a noble woman from a minor house testifying that she is his real mother” it was the truth but he hoped it would hurt her to hear it. Her son ready to deny her blood.

He was expecting tears, rage or at least some insults. But nothing she didn’t move for a while. Petrified like a statue. But when she finally removed her hand, her eyes were wide open with…terror.

“You heartless man what have you done?”

“Spewing accusations won’t…”

“The Inquisitor, she knows…she was trying to tell me this morning”

Kallian rose and began dressing frantically.

“it hardly changes anything...” he realized the stupidity of what he said at the very moment he said it... her even daughter she would be on the way...

“This woman, she admires you and... what had you done to the man who was going to cast your daughter aside?”

'Make his death look like an accident'

He had no time to answer, screams coming from downstairs and precipitated footsteps outside came to their ears.

Kallian didn't take the time to button her dress as she rushed outside followed by a shirtless Loghain.

 

 

 


	15. Le cadavre exquis

For all the ‘noble’ guests, it was more than normal in this kind of party to see a corpse or two falling between the appetizer and dinner. It was even very popular to the point that if your soirée passed without incident it was a sign that you did not invite the right people.in the milieu of money and power where you fight without mercy for more money and more power, you couldn’t avoid witnessing a murder whenever you put all the sharks in the same pool. However, what was far from being considered normal was two gray wardens, utterly freaked out and half naked, making their way through the crowd.

That was something we would talk about long after that evening.

 

Kallian legs almost gave way when she saw her son kneeling near the dead body of a girl. Fortunately, she was able to take two more steps before falling to knees near him. She hugged him as hard as she could, chasing away the death that was prowling around.

"Mom," he murmured.

"You are alive" she sobbed, stroking his black hair.

“she drank from my cup, Sidonie, she took my cup and…," he muttered.

Kallian took a quick look at the girl’s corpse and the two healers who stood beside it.it was the daughter of Lady Montgomery.then she looked back to her son, pale and shocked as if it was the first time he saw a lifeless body.

"Whatever killed her, it was put in my cup" he stated.

Kallain looked up, searching for Lavellan and when their eyes finally met, they both knew that the storm was imminent.

 

Loghain remained standing watching the exchange between the two women. For a moment he feared that Kallian would pounce on Lavellan to gut her in public. But somehow, the silent glares were even more frightening.

 

After a moment, the Inquisitor spoke. She ordered her guards to take the corpse of the young woman and sent the healers to take care of the unconscious Lady Montgomery.

When she turned around preparing to leave the room, Kallian stood up and yelled, “Aya Lavellan!”

Loghain held his breath.

“is there something, warden?” Aya said with a courteous but annoyed smile.

“I believe there are some matters we must discuss,” Kallian said.

“As you can see I have urgent matters I should attend to, but once I am done, you can join me in my office”

Caridin, still kneeling on the ground saw Lavellan leaving the room escorted by her two dalish personal guards, his mother clenching her hands into fists, and cursing her under her breath. He had screwed up so badly and the consequences would be disastrous if those two women were to become enemies. The hand of his father on his shoulder shook him back to reality.

“Are you all right my boy?” Loghain seemed softer than ever.

Caridin nodded and stood up.

“you, don’t leave my side until we leave this hell hole, understood?” Kallian ordered her son. He opened his mouth trying to protest but he knew better than to upset Kallian Tabris when she goes ‘full warden’ like this.

“Caridin you heard your mother. I am going to look for Adaia,” Loghain said. Kallian nodded.

Caridin laughed. He laughed out loud and everybody looked at him as if he had lost his mind. Yet, wasn’t it funny? Those two he tried so hard to bring together, finally were acting like a family. It only took a dead body a vengeful Inquisitor and some crazy assassin trying to kill him. Wasn’t it funny?

 

 

 

Inside Kallian’s room, they gathered, Loghain sitting in a chair facing Caridin and Adaia who were sitting on the edge of the bed meanwhile, their mother was changing into her armor behind the wooden room divider. Adaia seemed unusually calm considering the presence of Loghain.

“Who handed you the cup of wine?” Loghain asked

“A servant, an old elven woman. I don’t think I would recognize her if I see her again, Sidonie…Sidonie was distracting me” Caridin confessed.

Loghain sighed. Caridin surely had been careless but the same thing could be said about him. How did he believe that the Inquisitor was not paying close attention to the man who was going to become her son-in-law? Her friendly attitude towards him shouldn’t have made him forget who he was, the traitor who had plotted the death of his son-in-law. And if he did forget about it, Aya wouldn’t.

Kalli…he recall a skinny little girl who used to observe him with fascination and fear from a corner of the garden whenever he visited Skyhold.  No wonder she fell for Caridin when she got older… he never meant to harm her, even if her mother seems to think otherwise. He knew she would be a part of Caridin’s life and if this boy was truly his he was certain that, with the help of Leliana and Lavellan he would bend everybody to his will and make her his queen. But Lavellan…she thought that they were plotting to get rid of the girl…she…he couldn’t blame her, she was somehow right, the old him did it once, and would have done it again if he hadn’t met a woman named Kallian Tabris.

“Is someone going to tell me why someone is trying to kill my brother?” Adaia finally asked.

“I will tell you later” Caridin answered quickly before Loghain says something that would turn into a fight.

Someone knocked on the door and they startled. Loghain reached for his sword. But Kallian rushed towards the door and opened it.

“The Herald is waiting for you in her office”

Kallian moved to follow the guard but Loghain called her name.

“You ar not going alone” he said.

She shut the door and turned to face him.

“I don’t have the choice. You need to stay here with the children, if something goes wrong you have to get them out of here alive”

“You are exaggerating, Lavellan is not stupid to kill the warden commander of Ferelden and the warden commander of Orlais on the same day.”

Kallian laughed. She took a deep breath and put her hand on Loghain’s chest.

“I know a man who got rid of an army of gray wardens, a royal army, a king and his three advisors in the same week and he was merely a Tyren…” she whispered, not expressing a blame but a fear of what was coming.

Loghain said nothing, it seemed like it was something that had happened in another life to another man. He simply put his hand over hers and squeezed it.

“she is worshiped by people in the four corners of Thedas and has an army led by her husband and Free-marchers lieutenants she chose herself so she could crush Ferelden, Orlais or even Antiva anytime she wants to” Kallian added.

“I won’t let anything happen to them, I promise you,” Loghain whispered

“I hope so,” she said preparing to leave. But Loghain wouldn’t let go of her hand. She looked at him and he simply leaned in and planted a kiss on her lips.

“Be careful, warden…Kallian” he said before letting her go.

 


	16. Two can keep a secret if one of them is dead

She was sitting behind her huge desk as she received the warden with a big smile.

“What a night my friend! But, after what I heard, it still not as messy as your wedding’s ceremony” she said waiting for Kallian reaction. And when the other woman kept silent.

“I am trying to imagine you a seventeen years old maiden wearing the white dress going from room to room in Denerim’s estate and killing everybody who crosses her path. So pure and vengeful as if it was the gods themselves expressing their will through you” Aya added with admiration.

“Vengeance has little to do with it, they were criminals and I made sure they will never hurt anyone again.” Kallian finally said.

“I wanted to tell you personally that we caught the woman who put the poison on your son’s wine. Now, you can rest easy” Aya announced.

“I want to interrogate her” Kallian asked

“No need for this, I already did” Aya stared at Kallian’s face…this was going to be a very long night.

“Who sent her?”

“No one sent her,” Aya said leaning back into her chair.

“You see, this woman claim to be one of your former neighbors in the Alienage of Denerim. She said that her only son had been deported to Tevinter when Loghain was killing and selling your people so she thought an eye for an eye was only justice”

Faced with Kallian's skeptical look, the Inquisitor added,

“She says her name is Elvina. Does that ring a bell?”

  _‘You think you are better than me, better than us because your father has the money to buy you a handsome husband’_

Kallian took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She could still hear the rage in the woman’s voice.

“Yes, I know her” she finally said.

“Well it means she was telling the truth,” Aya said.

Kallian’s rage was fading away. Maybe the Inquisitor had nothing to do with this. Maybe it was some sort of coincidence that this woman attempted to avenge her son…but if what happened during the blight had taught her something it would be that coincidences didn’t exist and to always trust her guts.

“I don’t think she acted alone”

“Are you suspecting someone else, warden?”

“Yes, you.”

Aya started laughing.

“The woman does have a grudge, but you are the one who would benefit from it”

“I am aware that your son narrowly escaped death tonight so I am going to forgive you this time for those insane accusations. However next time you formulate an accusation without a proof I will be forced to take measures against such behavior”

“you want a proof, I said my son’s murder would benefit you yet an innocent person would have asked what benefits I was talking about…”Kallian said.

“I have never met a flat ear who wasn’t totally insane, why was I thinking that you would be the exception” Aya sight.

“All right then let me talk to Elvina”

“My patience is wearing thin, warden” Aya growled, glaring at the Warden.

“Is this a no?you won’t let me talk to the woman who tried to kill my son?”

“In skyhold, I am the highest authority, my word is law”

“Not when I am here” a familiar voice reached Kallian’s ears as the door cracked open.

Leliana entered the room accompanied by Loghain, Caridin, and Adaia. She immediately went to give Kallian the “Orlaisian greeting” with two kisses on each cheek under the deadly gaze of the Inquisitor.

“Your holiness, it is a surprise to see you here tonight” Aya managed to smile.

“You invited me, Inquisitor,” Leliana said

“I wasn’t expecting you would have the time to attend a party”

“To see and old friend, I would make time,” Leliana said smiling to Kallian.

“Loghain explained to me what was going on and after what I heard from your exchange with the warden I thought I might help” she added.

“Of course, but how?” Aya asked.

“Since you are both my dearest friends and I have your trust, I am going to speak with that woman and put an end to further misunderstandings”

“I accept,” Kallian said quickly.

“Aya?” Leliana asked facing the Inquisitor’s silence

“Yes, of course, it is a good idea” Aya finally said.

“Alright then, we have an agreement,” Leliana said before exiting the room.

 

 

After a long moment, Aya broke the heavy silence,

“Caridin. It is so unusual. How did you choose this name?” she asked.

“It is the name of the paragon who created Golems. I met him in the deep roads” Kallian said.

“Oh, really?... I once met a retard demon who offered to give me virgins” she said

“Interesting” Kallian politely replied.

“No, it is not, this is the whole point. I roamed Thedas and traveled to the fade and through Elluvians yet you seem to have met all the interesting persons”

“You should be more grateful for what you have” Kallian stated.

“What do I have? Idiots worshipping me, people claiming to be my friends and then turning against me, or my heroic husband who is so in a hurry to make a martyr out of me…at least you know that Loghain would kill an entire village for you, my husband would rather have me killed to save some dirty asses villagers and would do it gladly”

“Maybe Loghain would kill an entire village for the ones he cares about but only a village of elves or mages” Kallian chuckled

“You know that he would even kill a village full of nobles, he is only smart enough to never admit it afterward”

Both women started laughing as if they were not about to slaughter each other half an hour ago.

Caridin looked at Loghain and much to his surprise the man barely reacted while the two women were talking about him. When he noticed the boy staring at him he said,

“You will understand after twenty years of marriage.”


	17. Chapter 17

 

Leliana returned escorted by Commander Cullen. Every head in the room turned toward her. Each one of them waiting for what she was about to reveal.

Leliana looked amused when in contrast the Commander couldn’t look grumpier.

“Aya, rule number one: unstable persons make very poor assassins,” Leliana said.

Aya chuckled, and Kallian felt a strange sense of relief. She wasn’t some mad paranoid who falsely accused the Inquisitor.

“Kallian, it would maybe ease your mind to know that the Inquisitor wasn’t plotting to harm your son, she brought back the woman’s son from Tevinter in exchange of her pouring poison in Loghain’s drink. But the woman targeted your son after realizing what sixteen years of slavery had done to hers” Leliana explained.

“I understand…Leliana, if you can…release her and let her go to her son.” Kallian asked.

“Are you crazy, woman?” Loghain jumped from his seat.

“Sit down, Loghain. It is called empathy, you won’t understand it” Leliana laughed.

“But, this woman” Kallian said pointing at the Inquisitor, “she shall suffer the consequences of her crime”

“Oh, shut up you shemlen’s whore!” Aya shouted banging her fist on the desk.

“Do you think you are pure?” Aya said rising from her chair. “I knew a witch who spoke a lot about the important part you played in the conception of her possessed son” Aya snorted.

Kallian lowered her eyes in shame as her son asked “mom?”

“You should maybe tell your half breed bastards about their creepy brother” Aya laughed.

“Aya, enough!” Cullen finally dared to say, to be completely ignored by his wife who kept piquing at the Warden.

“I don’t even know why you are snubbing Loghain. You are a perfect match, You use children in rituals when they are still in the womb and he only waits a little longer before selling them to blood mages who would do the same thing.”

“Inquisitor, there is the corpse of a dead girl and her family would ask about what happened” Leliana changed the subject.

“We all know what happened, a vengeful flat ear tried to poison Loghain’s son and their daughter drunk from his cup,” Aya said. Her answer was met by unsatisfied eyes and it made her laugh even more.

“After all I did for you, you are going to publicly humiliate me for the attempted murder of a man you all wanted dead in a moment of your life?”

“Inquisitor, I must tell you, I never had the intention to become king nor to betray your daughter. It was a lie meant to push Loghain to propose to my mother to legitimate me and Kalli knew about it” Caridin said.

Loghain and Kallian frowned staring at their son.

“You had the best interest of your family in mind and so did I,” Aya said.

“True love never pushes people to kill, it was arrogance” Kallian grunted

“I don’t expect a flat ear to understand,” Aya said nonchalantly.

“Everybody should get some rest now, we shall discuss this again in the morning” Leliana stated.

Awkward stares and fiery glares were exchanged before everyone got back to their chambers, a promise that their next meeting wouldn’t be as peaceful as Leliana hoped.


	18. The pretty lies (part1)

When Kallian woke up it was already past noon. She quickly put her armor on and rushed outside her room…why did nobody wake her up? One of Aya’s personal guards was standing in the front of her door.

“My Lady Warden Commander, her worship is awaiting you in her quarters”

Damn it! The day could have started in a better way than listening to this woman’s insults and sarcasm. But as a guest in Skyhold she had no other choices than to follow the guard to Aya’s chambers.

“Kallian! Come in.” the Inquisitor said cheerfully as soon as Kallian stepped inside her room.

“You wanted to see me?” Kallian said crossing her arms over her chest.

“Please, let’s talk while having breakfast, I am starving” Aya smiled.

Kallian hesitated a little before joining the woman who was already sitting at the table and buttering some toasts.

“You should try this strawberry jam, Kalli makes it herself,” Aya said opening the jar.

Kallian already knew that the Inquisitor had some unusual methods to distract the attention of her interlocutors and make herself look less…dangerous.

Aya smiled watching Kallian staring at her food without touching it.

“I am not going to poison you, Warden, I would never hurt one of my people”

“Using Elvina’s sorrow to assassinate your daughter’s future father-in-law doesn’t count, I guess,” Kallian said

“I wouldn’t have done it if someone didn’t fail miserably at giving the man who treated elves as inferior to mabari hounds what he deserved”

“So you are the protector of our people?” Kallian mocked

“Ask Briala if you don’t believe it… or the elves in Wycome. I judged that the life of my daughter who has already suffered so much was more important than an old criminal’s life. I am aware that my point of view may seem shocking for a human’s lackey like yourself,” Aya smiled.

“It first begins with I only care about my people, then it’s I only care about my family and then it’s the unavoidable I only care about myself. I know a man who has already walked this path you may not want to end up like him”

“Your obsession with this man is quite…endearing but you are failing to see that everyone goes by this logic from the Inquisitor to the lowliest peasant. ”

“Maybe you are right but this kind of behavior causes the greatest harm when the ones who adopts it are followed and trusted by all kind of people and have enough power and gold to execute their schemes.”

“You know what they tell us before we begin our training to become the hunters of the clan? The ones who shed blood be it justified or not are destined to live restlessly…did your mother warn you before your training?”

“She only told me not to hesitate to slit the throat of any human who would dare to lay a finger on me”

“I would have liked to meet her,” Aya said with a big smile on her face. “Let’s eat before the food turn ice cold” she added uncovering her plate.

 

*****

 

“Leliana, is she still in Skyhold,” Kallian asked.

“She left early this morning after we had a little conversation,” Aya spoke with her mouth full.

“Ah! She sends you two kisses on each cheek and a hug. I’ll give them to you later” Aya added dipping the jam covered toast in the yolk of the egg on her plate.

“It won’t be necessary,” Kallian said watching Aya putting a spoonful of strawberry jam over the sausages. Some people love strawberry…maybe…

Kallian remembered the conversation she had yesterday with Leliana.

_‘If something had happened to Caridin, I would have taken all the necessary measures against the Inquisitor. But thank the Maker, your son was not hurt.’_

_‘It is not about revenge! If you don’t stop her now, you will have another Loghain leading your Inquisition, Leliana…the road for evilness is a long one and she is already halfway through it’_

_‘We have a fight coming soon Kallian, I will explain it to you another time but you must know, the Inquisition is a valuable tool and without Aya there is no Inquisition…without aya there would be no Thedas’_

_‘I have heard those words before, ‘without Loghain, there would be no Ferelden’ do you remember? If you hold some affection for her stop her now’_

_‘Don’t trouble yourself with those thoughts, I will be watching her closely’_

 

“Ginger ale will ease your morning sickness,” Kallian said.

Aya put down her fork and stared at the warden.

“You were up early yet you are taking your breakfast at almost noon, I just assumed that you were suffering from morning sickness”

“Very observant as expected from the legendary Warden” Aya laughed.

“You, putting strawberry jam over eggs and sausages did help to draw a conclusion”

“Do me a favor, don't tell anyone” Aya said.

“Is it your husband’s?” Kallian couldn’t resist asking.

“This question shows how little you think of me Warden” Aya smiled

Kallian didn’t try to deny it and kept staring at the dalish Inquisitor. Aya did have this glow specific to pregnant women, she looked radiant and somehow it made Kallian feel a sting of jealousy. She had always dreamed of a big family but the fate decided otherwise.

“The commander is the only man I had, he is even the first decent man who gave me a second look. But with a face like yours, you cannot understand what I am talking about” Aya added, the irritation in her voice couldn’t be more obvious.

Kallian opened her mouth to respond but Aya stopped her.

“If you are going to say that beauty is unimportant, please, keep quiet”

“I was going to say that you should feel blessed that your man didn’t choose to be with you for some ephemeral physical beauty”

“yes I probably should feel more at ease knowing that he chose me because I am the most powerful woman in Thedas after the Devine” Aya said nonchalantly.

“If you ask for my opinion I would tell you that the Templar I have heard about is not that kind of person”

“Well I thank you for giving me your opinion in this matter but allow me to doubt your perspicacity in judging men”

Kallian laughed, maybe the Inquisitor was right about that.

“Can I ask then what are you going to do concerning…” Kallian said pointing at Aya’s belly.

“I don’t know. Perhaps, you could contact your friend the witch and see if I can use this worthless little thing to gain more power” Aya shrugged.

“It was a mistake to think that we could have a decent conversation” Kallian groaned rising from her chair.

“Please, don’t go. I am…you are the only one I can talk to” Aya pleaded grabbing Kallian’s wrist.

“What do you want to talk about,” Kallian said sitting back in her chair.

“It’s about Cullen, he is leaving…he said that he had something he wanted to achieve without delay… look, I know you are not a warden anymore”

Kallian frowned…did Caridin tell her?

“Don’t be surprised, everything that is said inside Skyhold will sooner or later reach my ears…anyway, I said he is leaving and you have nothing that is holding you back now so I thought that it would be good if you travel with him and why not live with him”

Kallian blinked several times…this woman, was she asking her to become her husband’s mistress.

“No not his mistress, but rather his wife” Aya confessed and Kallian's jaw almost hit the floor.

 


	19. Little children

This morning when he left his room, he came face to face with Lady Montgomery. Skyhold was crowded with people coming from all corners of Thedas and it had to be her.

“Filthy half-blood bastard! It is all because of you,” she accused with a choked voice, pointing her finger at him. Caridin froze immediately, he opened his mouth to answer but his brain was still searching for the right words to say in this kind of situation. He kept staring, like a fool, at the woman who was getting more and more angry until a strong hand grabbed his arm to get him to move on. Moving on and ignoring the women who was now hurling insults at him.

When they moved far enough from indiscreet ears, Loghain said without looking at him “never apologize.” Caridin glanced at Loghain’s stoic face and wondered for the first time ‘how someone as emotional as Kallian Tabris fell for this man?’

“it won’t change anything and it certainly won’t do her any good…so, don’t bother with it”

“That’s not what I have been taught”

“I suspect that” Loghain chuckled “if you want, so badly, to crawl on your knees and beg for forgiveness you should start with your father to whom you have shamelessly lied”

“I lied to help achieve a good cause”

“Your mother would say that any cause that needs lies to be achieved is not a good one”

“And you, what would you say?”

“I would say that it is unforgivable to lie to your father about something as important as the succession to the Fereldan throne”

“I have no desire to become a king. After I got to know you better I thought that you and mother getting back together would be…nice”

“I have already informed Anora about your possible ascension to the throne…you have the time to think about it” Loghain stated.

“You and Kallian should get back together,” Caridin said trying to change the subject.

“Boy, your mother and I have never been together to get back now…” He sighed and shook his head “it is the past and this is a matter that you shouldn’t even think about” Loghain added.

“Last night, mother came to my room, I was expecting her to scold me but instead she told me and I quote _‘You and your sister are precious to me as my two eyes, you cannot ask someone to choose which eye is more precious than the other ... but I know I was often hard on you. I love Adaia, but every time I saw you laugh, behave with sincerity and enthusiasm, every time I looked at your warm eyes it melted my heart and made me incredibly happy... as if I was looking at another ‘him’, the man he could have been if the war and the loss of his family had not twisted his heart… This ... you are my greatest achievement if I lose you it would kill me_ '”

Loghain kept silent for a few seconds till Caridin began to wonder if the man had heard what he said.

“Are you lying to me again?” he finally said with a hoarse voice.

Caridin put his hand on Loghain’s shoulder and said with a compassionate smile,

“I couldn’t have invented it, even if I wanted.”

Loghain stared at him for a while. It seemed to Caradin that the man was about to tell him something but instead he only made a gesture with his head to point to a young elven girl standing at a distance and looking at them. Caridin turned his head and saw Kalli biting her nails nervously.

“I believe that she has something private to discuss with you,” Loghain said “we will talk later then” he added as he took his leave.

*************

 

She walked slowly, absorbed in her thoughts, and when she came to herself, she noticed the man coming in her direction ... and it was too late to change the path. She quickened her steps and pretended not to have noticed him, hoping he would be good enough to do the same. But as soon as she got near him a hand grabbed her arm.

"Good morning. Or should I say good afternoon" He said.

"I needed my beauty sleep” she replied with a bored tone

"It seems that it had worked,” he said eyeing her shamelessly “you look ravishing" he bent to whispered in her ear.

Kallian pouted her lips to hide her smile and rolled her eyes. And he laughed. It was so unusual but given all the bizarre things that happened in the last two days, Loghain’s strange behavior didn’t really surprise her…maybe this Skyhold was a gate to another dimension.

"Let us sit down here for a while," he said, dragging her toward a stone bench in a desert area of the garden.

Astonished, Kallian followed him without saying a word.

Maybe the theory of parallel universes was true.

They sat there, each of them hoping that the other would initiate the conversation.

When Kallian was about to get up, Loghain took her hand and put something in her palm before squeezing her fingers shut on it.

"Take it. I brought it in case you had accepted my proposal"

Kallian opened her hand and found a ring ... a solitaire ring like so many others with the difference that the gemstone in the center was a light blue color.

"I've never seen a sapphire of such color" she marveled at the purity of the light blue tone.

"I found it in an abandoned mine during a mission and someone told me that it was a rare blue diamond, so I... kept it" _'I had it mounted specially for you'_ he was not going to say this...

"I cannot accept" Kallian handed him the ring.

"Just keep it. Blue is your favorite color. Isn’t it?" he smiled, brushing her cheek with the back of his hand.

Kallian tightened her fist around the ring.

"It's true, it's my favorite color," she murmured, looking him straight in the eye. it took him some painfully long seconds to realize that she was talking about his blue eyes.

"Don't do that," he growled, looking away.

"It was you who led me here to talk and now you feel uncomfortable when I look at you?" she laughed, shaking her head.

“It’s perhaps the last time we see each other and I…I don’t want us to part on bad terms,” he managed to say after clearing his throat.

This was a reasonable request ...In any case, it was way more reasonable than what he had intended to ask. Wishing to spend the few years he had left in this world in her company was not only selfish but one could consider it as foolish as well.

“I, sometimes wonder, what kind of little boy you were,” she said.

Was she subtly changing the subject?

“Does it matter?” he coldly asked.

“I believe that inside each one of us lives the little child we once were. And he is influencing our decisions and continually nagging the adult we have become. Some people listen to them while the others try their best to bury them under the weight of the years”

“That’s…interesting,” he said politely.

“it may sound foolish,” Kallian laughed, “but let me give you an example, the Inquisitor seems to be on bad terms with her husband and when she tried to explain the reasons all I could hear was the little dalish girl inside her screaming ‘filthy shemlen! If he had met _me_ , not the all grown up and all mighty Inquisitor, he would have thrown stones at me and called me ugly’... Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Loghain took a deep breath, he was not dumb. The only gift he had received from nature was his superior intelligence.That and maybe also his…

“I am starting to understand where you are going with this, but I surely don’t want to deprive you of the pleasure of lecturing me, so, by all means go on and tell me how the little Kallian hates me and sees me as an abominable bogeyman,” Loghain said with an irritated tone that he had wanted to sound more sarcastic.

“You are right, it was unnecessary” she smiled sadly. “But I want you to know that she once liked you more than the adult me, that little girl saw you as the hero who ascended to power by his own bravery so far from the moronic brats who inherited a title…she did think that you were different”

“I cannot change the past.” He said coldly.

“The question is, would you change it if you could? Do you regret what you did, or is it only the ‘bad outcome’ that you are regretting?”

“It is hardly important, now” he rose from the bench.

“It is important to me,” Kallian yelled.

“I am in your debt warden, I have never forgotten it. Have a good life and try to forget the past,” he said as he planted a furtive kiss on her forehead and turned around to leave.

“Wait!” she said, “you didn’t tell me about the little boy” she wanted to sound curious but her voice was shaking with emotions.

“Hard decisions had to be made and he would have been in the way”

“But, is he still alive?” she whispered as she stared at him walking away and leaving her alone in the garden.

Why should every conversation with him end in a stalemate? It might be that her inability to forget added to his obstinate rejection of repentance had something to do with this.

She took one last look at the ring before putting it in her pocket.

‘Let’s hope that the Commander will be less stubborn’

 


	20. The pretty lies (part2)

He would have never thought that six years of a man’s life would manage to hold into a single wooden box.

After he had cleared his desk and gathered all his belongings, he now was aware of the flagrancy of his loss, those six years that he would never be able to get back.

Leaving was his decision, after all, he shouldn’t feel bitter nor angry…nor despoiled. Yet, the self-confidence in her eyes and the little indifferent air when she had said ‘you are free to leave’ had shown him the place he had been occupying in her life. Useless and expendable.

“Damn it!” he growled as he punched the stone wall. How could you give your best and end up receiving the worst? Treat her like a goddess only to have her treating you like a lowly servant?

He rose his head to glare to her portrait he had hanged on the wall. She had deemed it as unflattering and thrown it away. He had taken it and kept it close for it was the most resembling portrait to the woman he cherished and all her imperfections.

It was thanks to him she was feeling this way now. His boundless love and total devotion had partaken in creating the self-confidante woman who would agree to separate from him so easily. He thought as he took down the painting, ready to smash it against the wall.

“Commander Cullen”

“Go away! I am not the Commander anymore,” he yelled without turning to face whoever was asking for him.

“I am afraid I must insist,” the woman said.

He frowned and turned around with every intention to haul the intruder over the coals. But seeing the smiling elven warden calmed his anger.

“What can I do for you, Warden-Commander?” he said politely trying to hide his embarrassment.

“I have to leave soon, and I realized we haven’t talked much,” Kallian said closing the door and taking a sit in front of the commander’s desk.

“What’s on your mind?” he said after having considered, for a moment, to just throw her out.

“My son…my son has been under your command for two years. So, what do you think of him?” she had to start with another subject if she didn’t want to receive the painting he was holding in the face.

The commander stared at her for a short moment before responding.

“He is skilled and learns fast. He gets along well with everyone…you can be proud of him” it was the shortest answer he could come by.

“But do you agree to his engagement with your daughter?”

“I…” he finally put down the painting and leaned on the desk. “No, I don’t”

“Can I ask why?”

“They are going to complicate each other’s life and you know it”

“If Loghain hadn’t done things beyond forgiveness, I would have been happy to have him complicating my life every minute of it…don’t you feel the same about Aya Lavellan of the clan Lavellan?” it was a smooth transition, finally she was able to get to the crux of the matter as subtly as possible.

“Warden, With all due respect…this is…”

Not as subtle as she thought, judging by the angry expression of the Commander…

“It reminds me of the first time we met, your anger I mean,” Kallian said.

“I…” He sighed Lowering his head. Kallian had hit a very sore spot.

His anger was made of fire, it might burn everything if it was allowed to grow but usually, a bucket of water was all that you need…so unlike Loghain whose anger was freezing cold and lasting…

“Listen, I am not in a good mood today…it’s just not my day”

“I am here to change this” Kallian simply said “All you have to do is answer one question and I promise you I will leave you alone”

“Alright,” he agreed with reluctance.

“What made you fall in love with the Inquisitor?” Kallian asked.

“What kind of…”

“Please sit down and focus on the day you saw her and you said she is the one…or perhaps you were more interested in the benefits of such union?” she purposely implied.

“No, It wasn’t” he refuted with vehemence

Kallian felt guilty for manipulating the Commander like this. But something was telling her that he was falling for her tricks willingly.

“Aya was so hard to read when we first met, she never showed any interest in me. Then I felt guilty about Haven and it turned out to be more than guilt…she was patient with me and so soft and loving when I was going through lyrium withdrawal. I would have never believed that a woman like her was capable of such tenderness.” He said.

 _‘You didn’t marry me, commander, I am the one who married you. Never forget it!’_ He remembered her harsh words.

“But it’s the past. There is nothing left of Aya Lavellan, now she is the Inquisitor” he added and was surprised by the Warden’s laugher.

“Excuse me, commander but I couldn’t help it. You choose to marry the most powerful woman in Thedas, every man wants to have her and every woman wants to be her, and you didn’t expect that to affect your love life? It’s a little bit naïve to think that you can have all the benefits without facing all the disadvantages that come with it,”Kallian said.

“You don’t seem to have considered all the disadvantages when you decided to fu…be with Loghain” Cullen glared at her.

“I decided nothing on this matter, it was fate or to be more exact it was the Warden Commander who forced me to become a warden who decided that I would make a lovely gift to a man who hated him and the Grey wardens' order…moreover, I have never married him.” Kallian explained.

“Unlike you, I made the mistake to marry her and now I am fixing it” he seemed running out of patience. She had to pick up his interest if she didn’t want to be thrown out of his office.

“If your decision is already made. I have a proposition for you.” Kallian left her chair and walked slowly to him.

“I am wealthy, I have titles and lands, I have Amaranthine and Gwaren, I am fertile and no longer a tainted warden,” she slowly put her hand on his chest and added “I maybe older than Lavellan but I think my beauty can compensate for this fact besides I have my both arms” Kallian smiled to the frowning Commander

“You and I, we are a perfect match” Kallian took a step closer.

Cullen who couldn’t hide his surprise stepped back. He cleared his throat and turned his head to avoid any eye contact “I am…I don’t think it’s a good idea” he managed to say.

“Why not?” Kallian insisted “you don’t want Aya anymore, so let us try”

“I am sorry, Warden Commander,” he said.

“I see, you want to leave her physically but you are planning on staying tied to her sentimentally, torturing yourself until you die.”

“What do you want me to do? Do you have a plan or you are just here to laugh at me?” he groaned.

“Yes, I do have a plan. If a man like you cannot get his wife back from the tight embrace of power I would be very disappointed in this world we live in”

“Why? why are you doing this?” Cullen asked.

Kallian looked at the Commander and for a second she considered telling him the truth, the truth about what she suspected Lavellan was doing…Leliana head of the Chantry, Briala ruling Orlais, Fiona leading and recruiting an organization of free mages,her alliance with the Qun before their betrayal and even her encouraging a wedding between her daughter and the bastard son of the warden. One could mistake those decisions for the sentimental weakness of an elven woman who supported elves and women but the truth was so obvious for anyone who met Lavellan…she wanted the chaos and all those who would contribute to the deterioration of everything the humans had built, without even being aware of it. Leliana is reforming the Chantry and making it lose its power because she wanted everyone to feel the love of the Maker, Briala was destabilizing and dividing Orlais because she wanted justice for her people and even more, Fiona and her mages running free, their ambitions growing as their awareness of their superior power and their hatred for the normal people who would always fear them, the Qunary would have been useful, them and the humans destroying each other, two powers falling at the same time. And her, Kallian Tabris who was aspiring to change the mores of her country through education…creating a more empathic and accepting generation…she had never thought that it would weaken a nation but Aya seemed to have thought about it and was rejoicing to see all those countries and religious power flagging, to leave place to the ascension of the hardened and very traditional dalish tribes that she could easily unite under the same banner as long as she remained Inquisitor. That was not what Kallian desired, she wanted justice a blind justice for all not to reverse the situation or destroy the humans. But the road to hell was paved with good intentions.

Kallian couldn't undo what Aya had already done. the seeds of chaos had been planted all she could manage now was to stop Lavellan and her people from reaping the benefits...She had to go... Aya Lavellan had to go…and Cullen was her last hope after Leliana’s refusal to remove her from power.

“Because I am a hopeless romantic who believes in the power of love” Kallian smiled to the suspicious man before her hoping her innocent face would serve her this time.

After a while, Cullen lowered his glare and sighed.

“And how exactly are you planning to …. Bring us together?” he asked.

“I am going to talk to her, tell her something that you better ignore…if she still in love with you which I am certain of, she will come to you. But you have to promise me something”

“What?”

“You have to take her away from skyhold and from the power. It is for you the only way to keep her…”

“I don’t think that anyone could take Aya away from her throne”

“Be the leader and she will follow you, show weakness and keep following her and you will not like where you are going to find yourself” Kallian warned.

Cullen nodded, the Warden spoke cryptically but even if he was not sure about her motivation, he knew that she was saying the truth…it was lead or be led and it was about time to depose the queen.


	21. The pretty lies (part3:La femme coupée en deux)

No one was able to stop an arrow after it left its bow, same thing with words, you could never take back a word after it left your lips, and uttered words would make a huge difference, they were weapons that could hurt, spells that were able to bewitch and when they were nice they could be considered as the most valuable act of charity and kindness far more valuable than gold. That was what his mother and his uncle Nate had taught him…and he had seen it with his own eyes how Velanna and her bad temper could be disarmed with the right words.

he had made a mistake that night. He had accused a girl who had never been anything but respectful and loving toward him of something very ugly. And even if she seemed to have forgiven him, he knew that his accusation she would never forget. And it might have changed their relationship forever.

“have you slept well?” Caridin asked the short elf who was tending the garden.

“Yes. Why…why you are asking?” she said without taking her attention from her task.

“because you seem to have been awake before down” he answered with a smile.

“yes, it’s the only time I can speak to my plants without people around staring at me like I am insane,” she said getting up to look at her fiancé “and I can’t sleep well since the Inquisitor and Father are reconciled... they look like newlyweds on their honeymoon” Kalli explained

“Is it a bad thing?” Caridin asked carefully, not wanting to seem suspicious.

“No, at first, no it isn’t but when you know the Inquisitor you…I fear the fall after my father gets his hopes and dreams high. She can’t be a wife nor a mother, she can only be the Inquisitor and a dalish huntress” Kalli said.

“Aren’t you a little bit harsh with…”

“good morning my little love birds!” they both startled and turned around only to see the Warden coming their way with a large smile and her arms open.

Kallian giggled as she took them both in her arms squeezing them as hard as she could.

“Mother, you are up so early,” Caridin said trying to weave out of his mother’s grasp.

“am I interrupting some sweet talks and love display?” Kallian laughed.

“No…not at…not at all…Warden-Commander” Kalli said with a flushed face.

“Mother!” Caridin who seemed more annoyed than embarrassed said.

“Oh, I still can’t believe that my little boy is a man now,” Kallian told Kalli, stroking Caridin’s cheek and ignoring his glare. “He used to have such chubby cheeks when he was a baby, so heavy, he couldn’t fully close his mouth. I couldn’t get enough of kissing them” Kallain said pinching her son’s cheek and getting an angry groan as response.

“I can tell he was a cute little baby” Kalli smiled.

“Kalli! Don’t encourage her!” Caridin shouted

“I can’t... I will do all that’s in my power to have my future mother-in-law approve of me,” Kalli said.

“I already like her!” Kallian laughed hugging them.

“Come on children, let us sit. I didn’t have the opportunity to talk with you both those last days”

 

Kallian sat between her son and his fiancée on the wooden bench, enjoying the calm of the early morning to have a light-hearted conversation with them. Kalli was a nice girl, the Warden concluded…her son made a wise choice, well, maybe not so wise but it was nonetheless a good choice.

“do you know what’s going on between the Inquisitor and the Commander?” Caridin suddenly asked

“It seems that they are doing well, why are you asking?”

“Kalli fears that it is a phase and it would leave her father more hurt and bitter…besides I feel that you have something to do with this sudden turnaround situation” Caridin explained.

Kallian looked at Kalli who seemed a little bit embarrassed and surprised that her fiancé had brought up this very private matter.

“I…worry not, girl. From what I have heard the Inquisitor will soon retire from the political activity and is planning to announce it in a dinner she will organize in the few next days.” Kallian said.

“that’s impossible!” Kalli mumbled.

“when a woman who is truly in love is told that her husband is dying from the after-effects of his past addiction to Lyrium, she is forced to reconsider her priorities” Kallian answered.

Kalli blinked several times, staring at the Warden, before her eyes filled with horror.

“No, calm down it was a lie I told your mother to make her realize that her marriage wasn’t over…the commander isn’t dying.”

“You lied to her?”Caridin asked.

“a little lie that has hurt no one and afterward she has realized that it was a Lie…the only thing I created was a shock that has awakened her and opened her eyes about her true feelings. Convincing her to let go of her dear Inquisition is the commander’s achievement.” Kallian explained “If you must lie, at least learn how to do it” she whispered to her son.

Kalli raised quickly, with a smile on her face.

“Thank you, my lady” she bowed her head before the Warden.

“Don’t thank me, child. Your father did the hard part of the job” Kallian laughed.

 

 

“She’s a nice girl,” Kallian said to her son as they watched Kalli rushing toward her father’s office.

“have you seen Adaia? I haven’t seen her yesterday” Caridin asked.

“I always keep an eye on her, though I am not the only one to do that. yesterday she has spent all day playing with children in the courtyard and your…and Loghain was watching her from afar the whole time” Kallian laughed “I presume it’s all he can do”

“does it please you, mother” Caridin glared at the Warden “does his pain appease you?”

“did you talk to Alvina or to her son?” Kallian said after a moment of heavy silence.

“What? No, I didn’t talk to the woman who tried to kill me or to her son” he answered.

“You should. Now you are no longer a boy, and I won’t tell you pretty lies anymore. There are many powerful and wealthy people who take pleasure in hurting children, not only in Tevinter, they are everywhere, taking children from orphanages or buying them from slavers or from their own mothers… I have consecrated my life to fight against them and I have discovered many horrific things... from blood rituals to…to orgies implicating many nobles and some kings and queens…”Kallian said

“What are you trying to say, mother?” Caridin’s voice was hoarse, he was afraid of this conversation.

“His name never came out and I must confess that I was too coward to investigate more about him but still, Loghain knew the price of a child, he knew what Howe seemed to ignore…he knew that a living child was more valuable than a dead one and he sold them…did you believe he was thinking that the ones who would buy the children he was selling were going to have tea parties with them?” Kallian’s eyes were full of hatred and disgust.

Caridin felt his stomach churn. She was right he knew it, yet…yet

“If you are convinced about…this, why did you followed him upstairs the other night?” was he trying to corner her? Maybe…

“Boy,” she turned to face him “you want to know what is lurking inside your mother’s heart…I will tell you. The Loghain I once loved, the Loghain I wake up in the middle of the night screaming his name exists only inside my head…I fell in love with what my imagination and some of his actions had created…the real man, the real Loghain is a deeply evil immoral man. There is nothing gray about him…hurting children is the very expression of evil and the sign of a dead heart…”

Caridin opened his mouth, but he knew better than to defend him...she had always warned him _'to justify the evil is worse than doing it'_

“he is dead and rotting inside, he had been like this for a long time and I have a destiny to fulfill… so would you please stop trying to get us together” Kallian raised up “and if you think that protesting against what Warden Commander Clarel did was a sign of some morality, think about this; Clarel was slicing the throats of old, non-mages wardens…maybe if she was sacrificing children he would have stayed by her side”  Kallian chuckled before walking away, leaving Caridin sitting alone in the middle of the deserted garden.

 

******

She still remembered it, this time when her father took her to see a magic show. She understood that this form of magic was allowed because it didn’t involve any demonic powers or blood magic…yet, she had been mesmerized by the performance of the woman cut in half… through the eyes of a child she had been amazed, how could a woman stay alive after being cut in two?  
Now she could tell how…she had been living like this for so many years, two parts of her ready to tear each other apart. Maybe he was not that evil…his touch didn’t seem wicked and his arms were so protecting, said one half…protecting?you are the one who would need protection if the bastard rise in power again, answered the other half… it was part of her daily routine…the doubt and the incertitude…However, for her children, she was sure of one thing, they had to stay away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, guys.


	22. The Bittersweet life of Kallian Tabris (epilogue part 1)

In the big dining room, every soldier, servant, and agent of the Inquisition were gathered. Kallian stood at the entrance looking at this crowd. More amazing than to watch all these people gathered in the same place was the idea that Aya Lavellan was going to be faithful to her word and would announce her retirement publicly.

At a corner, Kallian spotted the Commander. How could she not? He was wearing a dark red tunic bringing out the beautiful creamy color of his skin and making his golden hair look like a pure gold crown…In short, he was one of the most handsome men in the room if not the most handsome of them all.

“Good evening, Commander” Kallian smiled.

“Good evening, Warden Commander” Cullen answered with a polite smile and quickly returned his attention to where he was staring before.

Kallian spontaneously looked that way and saw Aya talking with Loghain, her hand resting on the man’s chest while she was whispering in his ear, something that made him laugh… Kallian was impressed... to make Loghain forget about a grudge so quickly, Lavellan must be a very talented speaker.

“Will she ever change?” Cullen mumbled like he was talking to himself.

“Patience Commander, only a few days and you will have her for yourself… wait for a few months and looking attractive for men in private soirées will be the least of her worries,” Kallian said.

Cullen looked at her, not catching what she meant.

“I meant the pregnancy, having kids and a house to look after will barely leave her the time to sleep” Kallian explained.

“I just…I just cannot believe that I have really managed to convince her to leave the Inquisition…It seems too easy” Cullen confessed.

Kallian blinked but managed to keep her smile on.

“you did it, Commander, you are a leader don’t underestimate yourself” Kallian lied, remembering what happened between her and Aya Lavellan few days ago.

_(_

_“Do you think that you still have a choice, Lavellan?” Kallian said pressing the blade of her dagger on the Inquisitor’s throat._

_“And do you realize that ten of my guards will break into this room if I scream?” Aya said calmly._

_“Scream, then, and we will see which is faster, my blade or your guards…” Kallian said pressing the dagger more._

_“Your accusations are those of a mad woman, this story with Loghain must have made you lose your mind…but I don’t believe that you are ready to die for this crazy theory of yours”_

_“Lavellan, I see clearly in your game, because I’m an elf and also because I’m a woman…I won’t let you keep spreading chaos and I, like you said, am a woman who has lost her sanity long ago, and now that my children are old enough, I have no fear of losing my life…it will be a deliverance and taking you with me will be my last good action in this world” Kallian whispered in Aya’s ear, trying to sound as serious and as crazy as possible._

_“why are you doing this, flat ear? Everything that weakens them strengthens us…or do you appreciate to see your kin living like worms in those filthy alienages?” Aya spat._

_Finally, she was confessing it. Kallian sighed._

_“Chaos serves no one, Aya, for war and doom know no borders and distinguish no races, it will touch as all,” Kallian said._

_“We elves, have nothing to lose. They stole our land and build their cities on the ruins of our great civilization…we were and we still are superior to them, intellectually and morally superior and you know it.”_

_“So start acting like you are morally superior and quit trying to spread chaos…” Kallian yelled._

_“Kill me now, I will never desert my mission” Aya calmly said._

_“I would have killed you without a discussion if only I haven’t witnessed how devastated you were when I told you that your husband was dying…I know, your heart isn’t dead and still has love… but power, it corrupts the best and blinds the wisest…so, would you prefer to be called the retired Inquisitor or the dead Inquisitor?” Kallian sheathed her dagger and took a step back._

_“If I refuse?” Aya said touching the shallow wound on her neck._

_“I will come for you, or send someone, but I guarantee you that your life will be a short one” Kallian shrugged “and I want to tell before I go, if you would be stupid enough to touch my children again, this time I won’t even have to kill you myself, Leliana or Loghain or Nathaniel Howe or Velanna or anyone of my wardens or friends will kill you without even a proof of your culpability” Kallian smiled to Aya before leaving the room.)_

 

“You are the man who will lead her through the dark path like she did when you had Lyrium problems” Kallian added looking Cullen in the eyes.

“You are right,” Cullen said with confidence.

 

Half an hour earlier:

 

Adaia was early, she was always early for this kind of feasts… she headed to the banquet and filled a plate, then she sat on an empty table resting her feet on a chair and appreciating the spectacle of the people dancing near the orchestra.

“Would you sit correctly, young lady” a firm voice ordered her.

“Would you leave me alone” Adaia grimaced as she looked at the man beside her.

“Sit correctly and use tableware!” the man insisted.

“Look, your sight is making me lose my appetite, so…” she gestured to him to go away with her hand, but she didn’t expect him to grab her hand…God! She almost dropped her plate.

“What are…!”

“Girl, you are not too old to be chastised, keep running your mouth and you will be receiving a spanking right here, right now,” Loghain said calmly, staring at his daughter’s eyes without releasing her hand.

“Now, would you sit correctly and use some tableware” he repeated as he saw fear in her eyes.

Adaia looked around searching for her mother or Caridin…somebody who would help her, but she finally had to give in as she nodded obediently.

“Good,” the man smiled and let go of her hand. He held her plate as she quietly took a seat then he put the plate in front of her along with a knife and a fork…Adaia carefully started eating, still feeling the awkward presence of the man near her until he leaned forward and planted a kiss on her forehead before walking away…she was no expert, but she could tell that this evening would be more bizarre than the first evening they had spent at Skyhold.

Loghain hadn’t felt this for a long time, the feeling that his child needed him...not to rescue or help them, but they simply needed his presence, the wisdom he had gained through blood and pain and he was ready to give everything to them without asking for a counterpart.

“You know, I envy men for one thing” a voice he knew too well came from behind him.

“Do you want to know it?”Aya smiled as she faced him.

“You will excuse me Inquisitor, but it holds no interest for me to know such a thing” Loghain stared coldly at the woman.

“Come on, Loghain, you are not going to hold a grudge against me for such a trivial thing as …trying to assassinate you” Aya simply said.

“You are right, madam, it would be so puerile of me,” Loghain said mockingly.

Aya threw her head back and laughed…even Loghain might admit that it had something so satisfying to make a woman laugh, even if this woman was Aya Lavellan of the clan Lavellan.

“no, seriously, I envy men for one thing” she took a step forward “some of you may have harsh and ungraceful facial features, yet you will still be handsome to die for…your nose, and your lips, would be irredeemable for a woman but you…it only makes you more masculine and attractive” Aya spoke softly staring at Loghain’s face…would he blush? Nah, he was not this kind of man.

“And to add insult to injury, you are aging like a fine wine and getting more attractive every year…It makes me jealous” She smiled.

“You are not ugly, Inquisitor…If I was still  Ferelden’s Regent I would have probably asked for your hand” Loghain said.

“And I would have accepted” Aya giggled, putting her hand on Loghain’s chest and almost stood on her tiptoes to whisper in his ear “we would have had some memorable nights.”

It felt so good to be accepted, not to feel like a monster every single time a woman looked at you…and it made it even better when this woman was one of those fierce dalish elves, she might be not as sensitive and sweet as Kallian but at least she didn’t give him the desire to fall on his sword and die every time she looked at him.

To her greatest surprise, Aya felt Loghain’s hand caressing her hair, then her cheek to finally hold her chin to look at her…the man had never taken the flirting to this level…she had gone too far and being touched by another man was never an option…she slowly took a step back without dropping her big smile and said,

“The only question is which one of us will kill the other first after our wedding”

Loghain laughed and withdrew his hand.

 

In the other side of the room, Kallian was still standing near the Commander,

“It’s a boy I can tell by the way she is standing and also she’s getting more attractive, I noticed,” she said.

“Well a boy or a girl it doesn’t matter, but Kalli wants a little brother, she is so excited” Cullen smiled.

Kallian watched from the corner of her eye the tall warden who was approaching and when he finally got next to them she patted the Commander’s shoulder and said,

“I am going to eat something” as she left without looking at Loghain.

Cullen glanced at Loghain as he kept staring at the woman who just left…it was awkward…

“She’s in one of those days, I guess” the old warden finally sighed.

“Which days?” Cullen spontaneously asked.

“The ‘I regret I didn’t kill you’ days” he answered.

“Oh,” was all that Cullen managed to find as an adequate answer.

The two men stood there, silent, for a while until they heard the guards bumping their lances on the wooden floor and shouting “SILENCE! Her worship is about to speak!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to finish this story before the new year but it will be a little bit difficult...Anyway, enjoy this new chapter and don't forget to read the chapter I posted yesterday if you didn't.


	23. What happens in Skyhold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a flashback from two years ago when Caridin first joined the Inquisition.

Two years ago:

It was his second mission, and of course, he didn’t follow the Commander(s instruction. It was a reconnaissance mission including no particular danger, but danger couldn’t be avoided when one was roaming Thedas’ wilderness. He fought well, he thought, even if he wasn’t yet accustomed to the warrior’s combat style. You let your shield down for one second and you ended up with a wound…not a deep wound but serious enough to get him sent to the infirmary…

An old nurse had coldly asked him to strip and had left him sitting on the table wearing only a pair of thin pants. It had already been half an hour when a young elf walked to him without raising her head. Her silver silky hair was covering her face but it was impossible not to Remarque the beauty of her features… the girl put different herbs she was carrying on the table and turned around to look for something…after several minutes, it seemed that she couldn’t put her hands on it…her face was already red and her movements showed the embarrassment she was feeling… After a moment of hesitation, Caridin grabbed the mortar on the shelf near the table he was sitting on and handed it to the girl.

“Is this what you are looking for?” he said.

The girl nodded without looking at him and started grinding the different herbs she brought.

It was awkward… him sitting half naked beside a girl who did her best to ignore him.

“Can I help you with this?” he finally said.

The girl startled then for the first time since she had entered the room she looked at his face…he smiled…she blinked…she somehow looked surprised…maybe she knew he was the Warden’s son…no, he had made sure that nobody would find out who his mother was.

She finally shook her head and restarted grinding the mixture.

She had beautiful purple eyes…so big and pure…Caridin had never seen such a color.

She kept glancing at him when she thought he was not looking, but he could see her, it was curiosity…maybe, and just maybe she found him attractive?

She finally stood in front of him…she looked like someone who was searching for what to say… when she couldn’t find it, she simply touched his arm trying to ask him to lift it.

“ca…ca…can…y-y-you plea..se” she tried to speak…but words didn’t come out as she expected…now, usually, the surprise of her interlocutor would turn to mockery…

“Take your time? I’m in no rush.” He simply said.

Kalli raised her head to look at his face. He was not making fun of her.

She took a deep breath and tried to remember all the lessons she had had with her father.

“Can…you…please, lift…your arm” she said.

Caridin smiled, it was a satisfied smile and did what she asked as she began applying to a mixture of plants on the wound in his left flank.

She kept glancing at him, this time she didn’t even try to hide it.

“You keep staring at me, do you find me attractive, nurse?” he joked.

The elven girl shook her head vehemently and turned red when he laughed…she didn’t mean to insult him.

“I…” she took a deep breath…

“I didn’t…mean…to be…rude…you just…look so m…so much like…one of my …one of the Inquisitor’s friends,” she tried to explain.

“What can I say, I have a very common face” Caridin chuckled.

Kalli shook her head again “you…do not” she whispered before taking a clean bandage and started wrapping it around his west.

The young elf started gathering the plants on the table and took the mortar to clean it in the basin ignoring the patient who was now fully dressed and staring at her.

“Where can I find you, nurse, if I were looking for you?” he asked.

The girl turned around to look at him with surprised eyes…

“I mean, I may need someone to check my wound.” He cleared his throat.

She hesitated for a moment, then said,

“In…the garden…early in the…the morning” she said.

Encouraged by her answer, Caridin took a few steps toward her,

“And may I know your name, nurse?”

“I am….my name is Kallian…b-b-but…they call…me Kalli” she said.

Caridin laughed, was this fate or what? The elf seemed confused at his unexpected reaction…she was sure that her name had no funny connotations…

“Excuse me, it was just…that’s my mother's name. she’s also called Kallian” Caridin said.

Kalli stared at the boy’s face…Kallian, it was the Warden’s name…maybe it was a coincidence…what the warden’s son would come to Skyhold for? Then it stroke her like lightening…the man he looked like…this man was Loghain Mac Tir and he and the Warden did know each other…if it was true, this didn’t augur well for him.

“Can we meet again, Kalli?” he asked softly.

She wanted to say no, not if Loghain Mac Tir was really his father and his mother...the hero of Ferelden…she didn’t want to have anything to do with that kind of people…all she was looking for was a quiet peaceful life, not something that would complicate it more…yet she found herself nodding to the smiling boy.

“Caridin, my name is Caridin” he shouted before he took his leave.

Kalli shut her eyes. Her heart was pounding in her chest and for the first time, it was not caused by anxiety or shyness.

**************

 

When it came to fighting skills, he knew he had had the best instructors, his mother and Nathaniel Howe but to switch from rogue to warrior was not as easy as he expected…the commander himself had advised him to switch to a sword and shield style ‘you are getting bigger and taller each month, boy. A sword and a shield would be adequate and safer’ and he had taken the advice. But now, after the injury he received three months ago, the commander wouldn’t let him go in missions before he had mastered the new techniques…so he would spend all day training and sparring with his comrades…all days, but not the mornings, the mornings belonged to Kalli and their little tête-à-têtes in the deserted garden…he would have maybe left the Inquisition if she hadn’t been there.

“You must never lower your guard” the commander shouted. “It doesn’t matter how hard and precise your strikes are, one second of inattentiveness and it will be over for you” he added.

Today the big boss was here, and he didn’t seem very satisfied with his soldiers.

Caridin knew that it was an opportunity to impress the Commander and maybe be sent on a new mission. So he decided to harden his strikes and put some passion into the friendly sparring.

“What got into you, Caridin?” his opponent yelled.

Caridin discreetly pointed at the Commander to make his comrade understand that they must do their best. And he did…everybody dropped their weapons to watch the two boys showing their skills in an amazing duel…

Among the crowd who surrounded them Caridin saw…a man…he…was the fatigue making him hallucinate?…he kept assaulting his opponent’s shield with his wooden sword…it wouldn’t take longer for the other man to fall to the ground…he glanced at his right again…he was still there…the man looked like him…no, this man looked like another him…an older him who would have come from the future… Kalli had said it, three months ago… “you look like one of the Inquisitor's friends”…it was not a ghost or a hallucination…he was even staring at him…

Caridin suddenly found himself laying on the floor after receiving a particularly painful shield bash.

Stunned, he still heard the Commander shouting.

“It’s a shield in your hand, block with it…if it was your enemy, you would have been dead”

He didn’t even care, at this moment all he wanted to know was who this man was…but when he raised to his feet, stumbling and dizzy, the man had already disappeared.

************

He had been followed many times in his life...followed by his soldiers, followed by an entire country, followed by some women, followed by assassins and admirers, but to be followed in the every corner of Skyhold by his own son, was something he had never experienced before.

He sped up and waited for him behind one of the empty buildings. The night was falling and there would be no one to bother that confrontation...

the boy quickened his pace to trail the old man, but he was quick and disappeared behind a building...it didn't stop him, he kept walking with determination, his aching heart pushing him to what it looked like an ambush. but he had to....

"Why are you following me?" he finally had to listen to that man's voice as he emerged from behind the wall.

To look at him from this short distance, it only confirmed his fears.

"Are you the traitor Loghain Mac Tir?" he asked with a voice he wanted to be as firm as possible.

"I would prefer to be addressed as Warden Loghain Mac Tir if you don't mind," Loghain said with an annoyed tone.

"It doesn't matter, you are going to die right here," Caridin said drawing his sword. Arrogant and cold like a snake...just what he had expected.

"You are going to attack me?" Loghain chuckled.

"I demand a duel to the death" Caridin groaned...he wasn't going to let this man laugh at him.

"And if I refuse," Loghain said, staring with interest at the boy...studying him.

"It won't still my hand nor stop me from killing you where you stand" Caridin grimaced in disgust and attacked without further explanations.

 

Since he had chosen the way of the warrior, Caridin had suffered some defeats but none of them was as humiliating as this one. Three moves, he had disarmed him with no more than three moves, sending his sword flying in the other direction. He tried to go after it but the tip of the Warden's sword was already pressed against his throat.

"Kill me..." he managed to say with a strangled voice.

"Not before you answer some questions." the man calmly said, "why do you want to kill me, boy?"

"Because you ra...you abused my mother," he said through clenched teeth. And saw the surprise on the man's face a few seconds before he regained his cold stare.

"Did Kallian tell you that?" he asked calmly...as calmly as he could manage.

"She told me nothing...but I have a mirror in my room and I see that I am...you forced her...my mother would have never..." Loghain cold and calm face made his anger rise...it might seem as an unjust accusation without enough proof but he knew, he knew his mother would have never been with this man willingly.

"I am a warden and a former general and you deemed it wise to ask for a duel to the death...if you were right and I was a man who hurt your mother and if I didn't already know you were my son... you would be dead by now."

"If you didn't hurt her...why, why didn't she tell me about you?" Caridin clenched his fists.

"She didn't want you to grow up feeling what you are feeling right now, I guess" Loghain's stare was almost sad...almost.

To his surprise, Loghain only sighed and sheathed his sword. And turned around to leave. He looked disappointed...and somehow it bothered Caridin.

"Wait!" Caridin said rushing behind the man.

"You already made your mind about me, what do you want?" Loghain said.

"I...I want..." 'I want to know you' he wanted to say. But instead, he uttered "I want you to teach me your warrior's skill."

Loghain stared at the boy's face and finally said "the Commander is already teaching you,"

"I don't think that the Templar’s method fits me...I want to fight like you."

Wasn’t it the sweetest words a father could hear from his son? 'I want to be like you, dad'

Loghain felt his heart overwhelmed by the warm sensation he hadn't felt in a long time...family, his own flesh, and blood...nothing could replace this.

"I will be waiting for you early in the morning in the backyard," Loghain said.

"Early in the morning...I have things to..." Caridin thought about Kalli and their daily rendez-vous.

"Tell the girl to meet you at another time, if she's really interested in you, she will agree," Loghain said.

"So I wasn't the only one doing the stalking?"Caridin thought with a smile...his father was not indifferent toward him, looking at him from afar...and it made him happy.

Caridin finally nodded accepting Loghain's terms for the training and the two man stayed still looking at each other for a while...life was strange and full of unexpected things...


	24. The earth and the sky (epilogue part 2)

Aya stood on the wooden platform and Cullen held his breath…it was the moment of truth. Would she be faithful to her word?

“Soldiers of the Inquisition, not only you who work outside of Skyhold’s walls and put your life on the line, but also those of you who work in the shadow, feeding us, cleaning, and looking after the wounded, for you all are the Inquisition… and I had the honor to be your Inquisitor, to receive your loyalty and your devotion for those last years…but everything has an end, although, nothing would have pleased me more than to give the rest of my life to serve the people of Thedas I have to be a little selfish and take the time to tend to my husband and family…so I announce tonight that I am officially retiring and will no longer be your Inquisitor”

The shocked strangled screams of the crowd and the sad faces made Aya smile… It was perhaps for the best to leave at the apogee of her glory than to be kicked out and cursed like Loghain.

“Is it the end of the Inquisition?” one man dared to ask.

“friends, every end is nothing but a new beginning ... Divine Victoria and I agree that the Inquisition still has so much to achieve, therefore I am leaving you in the hands of a much-trusted person, one of your own, a man who gained your trust and respect since he joined us and who I believe will be perfect to fight the next battle and take over from here... Let the Inquisition regain its vigor with the hot blood  of youth”

Aya fixed Kallian with a defiant look and her smile widened.

“Here I am now going to let him present himself” Aya made a sign with her stretched arm and under Kallian’s incredulous eyes, Caridin joined the Inquisitor on the wooden platform…

“People of skyhold, from now on I will have the great horror to lead you…I am Caridin Mac Tir, your new Inquisitor” the boy spoke with such confidence, it made Loghain smile inspite of himself.

Aya raised her arms “Inquisition, here is your new Inquisitor, the one who will bring great honor to our organization and lead you to more victory” and the surprise of the crowd turned to cheers and applause. This joy was more related to the fact that they were not going to lose their home and jobs than to the identity of their new Inquisitor, yet Caridin felt proud…he now had to prove himself as a fearless leader and a wise politician…

*******

“Congratulations are in order, I believe” Loghain approached his son.

“Well I really did nothing special to deserve this, but I am not a man who wastes opportunities” Cardin laughed.

Loghain looked closely to his son…the boy was his…it was not like he ever had doubts about it but at this very moment he saw himself and it scared him.

“Lavellan must have had some reasons to choose you,” he said implicitly, hoping that the boy was as smart as he thought.

“You mean beyond the bad blood between her and mother?” Caridin smiled “worry not, father, I already know that it was meant as a poisoned gift to punish mother by making me Inquisitor, Aya is betting on me becoming everything mother hates…” he sighed “she even encouraged me persistently to take your name and forsake my mother’s…the Inquisitor is not as subtle and smart as she thinks she is” Cardin shrugged.

Bearing the name of a traitor who caused the death of thousands and murdered a king was not going to make his career start easily…Aya was betting on it, that the boy would be treated as the traitor’s son and not as the Hero of Ferelden’s son…she knew that most people ended by embracing how others perceived them as and become what everyone expected…it was so evil and genius.

“You must be careful…” Loghain said.

“Don’t start doubting me, mother’s doubts and fears are more than enough to deal with,” Caridin said.

“She went to her room, you probably should..”

“Not tonight…It’s time to celebrate…tomorrow I will listen to all her accusations” Caridin signed.

Loghain simply nodded and was about to walk away when Caridin said,

“But you should go and speak with her…she’s leaving Skyhold tomorrow and it would be the last time you see her.”

“Boy, I thought that it was clear enough for you to understand that the debate is closed on this matter,” Loghain said firmly, he needed not more temptation.

“I know, I know and mother feels the same way as you do but neither you nor she asked me why I was doing this, trying to revive what seems to be long dead” Caridin insisted.

Loghain kept looking at his son without saying a word…the lad was smart and every word he could utter might be held against him.

“you see, Kalli thinks I am doing this because I, deep down, despise my mother and want to punish her, mother thinks that it’s because the love of a son towards his father has blinded me and I am trying to provide you with a companion to take care of you…” the interested look in Loghain’s eyes encouraged Caridin to continue, “but you see I love my mother, she never left us to be raised by servants, she always was here and gave us everything she has and as much as I appreciate your rational and down-to-earth nature by opposition to the over emotional and sentimental Hero of ferelden I am not blind and I can see why she doesn’t want you…”

“Careful boy, don’t make me give you a good hiding in front of your new subordinate” Loghain half-joked.

“No offense intended, but, father, you probably still think that mom is not a true fereldan after all she had done for the country only because she’s an elf…that’s what I meant,” Caridin said with an innocent smile.

Loghain glared at him but he wouldn’t open a debate on this matter, not tonight.

“so, if you are convinced that your mother is a paragon of good deeds and that I am a… sinner, why do you keep deluding yourself about some reunion” Loghain coldly said.

“Please, don’t be angry” Caridin put his hand on his father’s shoulder. “I am not,” the other man said.

“It’s for her good that I am doing this…I talked with her and with Adaia and she’s getting worse, mother is losing herself because of her empathic nature, she’s loved by the peasants and the elves but she is going berserk, antagonizing the most wealthy and powerful...the flame inside her that she uses to light the way may turn against her, burn her to aches…Loghain, you once lost yourself too, too much rationality and not enough empathy, she is doing the contrary, she’s going to get herself killed, maybe that’s what she’s seeking but as her son I won’t allow it” Caridin spoke so solemnly, Loghain has never seen him addressing a matter with such serious tone.

“I can hardly help on this matter, I am the last person she would listen to,” Loghain said.

“you don’t need to speak, your presence will readjust the balance…when I was young, she insisted that I learn all sorts of old wisdom and philosophy, and what I am about to say may sound odd but…Kallian Tabris is a woman made of fire, overwhelmed by her emotions and the suffering around her and you, father, you are a man made of ice, always calm and calculating even when it’s wiser to feel things not think them, you are…” Caridin felt frustrated with his own words, how would he convince a man as stubborn and disconnected with his own feelings as Loghain Mac Tir

“Carry on,” Loghain seemed interested...or maybe making fun of him.

“Seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another,” Caridin recalled what he had studied long ago…

“In other words?” Loghain said.

“In other words, although mother had never the time to study or open a book, thanks to her high intuition she could tell that Aya Lavellan and Cullen Rutherford should remain together to never disturb the balance, Aya is like the wind, refreshing but destructive, only  deep rooted trees connected to the earth like the Commander could soften it…”

“that’s interesting, I had the feeling that your mother was putting her nose in the private affairs of the Inqui…the former Inquisitor” Loghain chuckled.

“did you listen to what I was saying?” Caridin frowned.

“Son, I am one of the best strategists in Thedas, I assure you I caught what you are trying to say… but the problem is not why, the problem is how.” Loghain calmly said. He didn’t wait for a boy to give him a lesson about old wisdom and philosophy, he already knew it…not knew, he felt it, the connection between them, Kallian was more than a woman he wanted, she was the woman he needed…he had never felt such longing, or such peace when she was by his side…she was more than a woman, she was not a woman that one would cast aside after having her nor a woman that one would marry because she would be useful… she was a trap…quicksand… the last gift given to him by a dead man, a betrayed king… Kallian, a fire that once warmed his heart and then burned everything he had…

“the pretty lies,” Caridin finally said, pulling Loghain from his thoughts.

“Kallian won’t ever become the wife of a child abuser…”Caridin said to a frowning Loghain “yes, she has reached the conclusion that a man who thinks that it was normal for a tevinter mage to rape a woman or a child would not mind doing it himself,” Caridin reluctantly informed Loghain…even if the face of the man remained stoic, his silence was eloquent… Loghain remembered all the times that young servants especially elves would avoid him, ask to never be sent to clean his room and be replaced by older women…it happened in Orlais and in Skyhold… the reaction of the Commander when he once dared to braid Kalli’s hair when she was a child…he had literally snatched her from him and his glare had made him understand what he had refused to see…he was perceived as a monster…and it wouldn't change.

“I have thought about it at length … and you probably know better than I that the truth is overrated for there is no comfort in it” Caridin whispered…

 

 


	25. Half

When Loghain reached Kallian’s room, he found the door gaping and coming from inside the chamber, the Inquisitor’s voice got to his ears.

“I heard that stars still cast light long after their death…I can’t help but think about it whenever I see you,”

Kallian didn’t answer, Loghain frowned as Kallian stayed silent…

“This man…the dread wolf, he wants to tear the veil to bring back his people?” Kallian finally spoke.

“Maybe, but what I am sure about is that if he succeeds every one of those filthy mages will be able to host a demon and thus become immortal and obtain some godlike powers…those abominations are a race of their own and are already born with half a conscience but after the destruction of the veil, we will all become their slaves…”

“I thought the dalish considered their mage keepers as the wisest,”

“wisest my ass, she’s an old bitch who sent me to the conclave hoping that I would die because long ago my father preferred to marry a fine woman and not a half-mad bitch like her,” Aya’s face was twisted with disgust as she remembered their clan’s keeper… “Anyway, do you have any regrets now that you have forced me to retire, knowing what your son will be facing?”

Kallian didn’t speak… and Loghain held his breath.

“He chose to carry the weight of his father’s name alongside the hard duties of an Inquisitor, and if we add to that the fact that he is a half breed with no strong identity to rely on, I can already hear solas rubbing his hands…” Aya laughed…

“What do you want from me?” Kallian’s voice was weak and quivering…

“I want you to get off your high horse and realize your own foolishness…if my Kally were normal I would have never allowed her to marry your mixed-blood bastard…”

None of what Aya had said would have been able to shake Loghain or sadden him, but Kallian’s resigned silence was unbearable.

“You surely speak with a great self-righteousness when you are carrying the child of your human husband,” Loghain said as he stepped inside the room.

“it hardly matters, the truth will always be the truth even if the circumstances pushes you into the opposite path,” Aya laughed, “of all people, I thought that you are the only one who can understand this,” she added.

“You have a wild imagination, Lavellan,” Loghain raised his eyebrow, mocking the dalish elf.

“I almost forgot one of your main traits, hypocrisy,” Aya smirked, “putting the interests of your country above all, except when your daughter’s position is threatened…implicitly acknowledging that a living together between different races is impossible and then fooling around with a flat ear…but deep down, you know that a mixed race dog has no value,” Aya’s words were unexpectedly hurting Kallian’s soul…she had offered her children the best education, money, time , and the greatest teachers and yet it seems that she had failed…and maybe, what Lavellan was saying wasn’t far from the truth…

“Speaking of pets, I must thank you for the thoughtful gift, you gave to Adaia,” Loghain’s voice was cold and so was his stare.

“Don't mention it,” Aya smiled

“I will return the favor once you drop the snake you are carrying,” Loghain said pointing at Aya’s belly… Earlier he had found Adaia crying near the stairs...she was holding a kitten. He had sat beside her and asked her, expecting that she would send him packing as usual, but she had told him that the Inquisitor had gifted her this kitten explaining that he came from a litter her purebred cat accidentally had with a feral male... Aya had said ‘they are neither beautiful like their mother nor strong like their father, I thought this one would make a perfect pet for you’…He didn’t know what to say, and how to console a crying girl…Anora had never been this emotional…He simply held her in his arms as long as she allowed him to do so…

“You seem to have pressing matters to discuss, I will leave you to it hoping you both enjoyed your stay in Skyhold,” Aya said before heading to the door…She was so sure about Caridin’s future failure, she expected him to get rejected and to mess so badly that Leliana would come begging for her to retake the Inquisitor position… Even if Kallian seemed so unsure and staggering right now, Loghain had no doubts about the boy’s skills.

Kallian…She was lost in her thoughts, still sitting on her chair, staring at nothing…it pained him to see her in such a state, at the same time he knew that it was the perfect moment to talk to her, all her certitudes were crumbling and so shall the wall she had built between them.

 

 


	26. Ever after (part 1)

‘Wake up, love.’

Kallian’s sweet voice, whispering into his ear with a softness he had never heard from her before and her silky lips against his cheek…each time he would wonder, was it a dream?

Loghain slowly opened his eyes and saw the smiling elf kneeling beside him…He growled and she laughed…

“I hoped it was only a nightmare,” he said covering his eyes with his forearm, but his smile made Kallian laugh.

“If you think that this is a nightmare, wait until the Inq…Lavellan shows up,”

“It’s today,” he sighed.

“Yes it’s today and I already prepared the breakfast for the children and gave them some exercises and chores to keep them busy, now, I need your help to prepare the house for the guests,”

Loghain rolled over and pulled Kallian into his embrace.

“Why don’t we sleep over a little,” he said burying his face in her curls,

“Not today,” Kallian laughed escaping his tight embrace.

“Get up, already, I will prepare your favorite food,” she insisted…Did Celia know his favorite food?...he didn’t remember.

It was odd, for them both…even after two years of conjugal life…Kallian had thought that it would be easier for him, he had been married for many years but it wasn’t…It had never been a true marriage, he understood it now, it was a partnership, a cohabitation based on mutual respect between two people who appreciated each other enough…never a woman had woke him up with kisses or insisted to share the same room with him…in fact he had always felt more comfortable in Denerim away from Gwaren and his wife…Now, neither he appreciated the warden nor she respected Loghain Mac Tir, yet something else kept them together, something deeply mad, wild and illogical…something he didn’t dare to name.

No one would have expected it, except Caridin obviously, but the balance they had created with their union was something beyond perfect, Kallian was more joyful and Loghain became less grumpy and taciturn…

The children came from the many orphanages Kallian had supported and all had something in common, no one would have adopted them, although they were good kids, nobody wanted or had the time to handle a crippled or scarred child…Kallian had said ‘Now that I have the greatest general to keep them in check, I feel ready to offer them the best,’ it had been flattering to hear this…she needed him and he never disappointed her in this matter, if a man was able to teach those kids discipline without treating them any different from other children, it was Loghain.

****

Kallian heated the pan to prepare the eggs and sausage, her husband’s favorite breakfast…Husband…it was something she never thought she would have…she had dedicated herself to her children and her work never looked to any man or envisaged to marry…Shianni and her would talk about men from time to time but she had always been in the position of an adviser looking from distance to couples forming and breaking like this… ‘let them have their pleasure when they can, they will pay the price for it later’ She had thought that she would pay the price until her death…This farm, she had spotted it long before Loghain’s proposal, she wanted to retire, leave the wardens and take Adaia away from the big city of Amaranthine and away from the noble’s daughters who pretended to be her friends while laughing at her wild behavior behind her back…Thank the Maker, her daughter never showed any interest toward the noble’s sons, she had always said ‘they all suck except uncle Nathaniel,’…Now Adaia was teaching the village’s children and she had friends who didn’t seek her company for strategic reasons but because they appreciated her… She had, first, refused to consider him as a father, but when she realized that Kallian wouldn’t interfere whenever Loghain gave her a lesson in discipline, she had to give up…having kids was not different from having a fort full of soldiers and he had always been good at that…

Today, she would be able to see Caridin after two years… He was coming with Kalli and unfortunately, Lavellan was coming too, both she and Cullen hadn’t seen their daughter in two years and Caridin came up with the idea of a gathering in this farm… ‘It’s a quiet and peaceful place, perfect for a family gathering,’ and she had to agree…Aya wouldn’t be glad to come to her house as well, she thought…

“Why the long face? Are those eggs giving you a hard time cooking?” Loghain said as he sat at the table and poured himself a cup of coffee…

“You know…” Kallian sighed.

“Ignore her and she will do the same,” He said.

“She won’t, and you know it,” Kallian rolled her eyes as she put the plate on the table, before her husband.

Loghain grabbed her hand and pulled her to him… “This is your house and she is a guest, she will behave,” he said planting a kiss on his wife’s lips.

Kallian stroke his cheek, staring at his face for a moment…He had changed…she didn’t know if it was because of her, because of those beautiful children or because of the environment which made him remember his early years in his family farm…Maybe it was thanks to all those elements, but the man looked like a version of himself that had walked straight out of one of her wishful dreams…and somehow, it scared her.


	27. Ever after (part2)

Cullen stopped the carriage he was driving and looked around him…He was sure it was the location Caridin had indicated in his letter…He spotted fruitful trees and fields of wheat maybe if they kept going straight they would be able to see the house…

“Commander Cullen!” a feminine voice shouted…he turned around and saw Adaia waving at him…Cullen exhaled, they were near, the horses and him needed a little rest…

“Adaia, nice to see you here, I couldn’t find your house and…” Cullen was interrupted by the sudden opening of the carriage door and Lavellan’s sleepy voice, “Why we stopped in the middle of nowhere?”

Adaia looked at the dalish woman…she had changed, her clothes, her hair, and her fancy dress, one would have easily mistaken her for one of those chubby Orlesian ladies…

“We are almost there,” Cullen said, Aya looked at Adaia, the young woman looked different, she wasn’t anymore, the annoying adolescent with a messy hair and boyish clothes, even when she looked at her, the insolent and bratty stare had left the place for a courteous smile, “How are you lady Lavellan?” the girl said.

“I am fine, sweety, and would feel better if you led us as soon as possible to your house,”

“Of course,” Adaia said.

Cullen helped the girl up the driver seat, near him as she started indicating the way.

*********

Once they reached the house, they were welcomed by three children, two boys, and a girl, running toward Adaia…The young woman hugged the two boys and kissed the little girl’s forehead asking “have you been nice to Kallian?” they shouted “yes!” and Adaia laughed and took a handful of cherries out of her purse and gave it to them, “share them with your other brothers and sisters!” Adaia shouted to the running kids;

“You mean that there are others?” Aya said with a horrified expression…

“Adaia please lead you aunt Aya inside and send me your father to show me where I can rest the horses,” Cullen quickly said taking a sleepy blond toddler out of the carriage and gave him to his wife…

********

Kallian stayed in the kitchen even though she heard Aya’s voice greeting Loghain and flirting about his youthful look and how his handsomeness increased from year to year… she instinctively spat on the floor and hear Adaia’s giggling behind her.

“Is it acceptable to spit on the kitchen’s floor, Mom?” the girl teased.

“Yes, it is acceptable only for women who hear Aya Lavellan shamelessly flirting with their husbands,” Kallian said.

“I brought you some cherries, Adrianna gave me,” Adaia emptied her bag on the table.

“Perfect, I will some on the cake,” Kallian said… She wiped her hands on a towel and sighed, it was inevitable to go and greet her guests… “Keep an eye on the stew, I will be right back,”

 

Kallian’s expression instantly softened when she put her eyes on the sleepy toddler Aya was holding…She felt drawn to the little whimpering boy… without looking at Lavellan she approached them and held the little chubby hand with a wide smile… “Hello, precious little boy, what’s your name?” she softly asked.

“His name is Greg,” Lavellan said “thank you for this invitation, Warden,” she added.

“You are Welcome,” Kallian said with a forced smile while struggling not to snatch the boy from his mother’s arms and give him a thousand kisses… her struggle didn’t last long as Lavellan handed her the toddler and said, “can you please give him to one of your servants, he needs to be changed,”

“We don’t have servants,” Loghain said.

Lavaellan’s surprised face made Kallian smile… “I will change him, you can rest,” Kallian turned her attention to the little boy in her arms kissing his chubby cheeks and his golden curls… “Aren’t you the most beautiful little prince?”

Lavellan looked at Loghain, he seemed different…more relaxed, smiling easily…How could he feel this way when he was surrounded by mutilated kids in a farm situated in a remote village…even the most terrible criminal didn’t deserve such a cruel penance.

“The warden is taking care of this big house and a farm alone, I am impressed,” Aya said.

“We all help, but my wife does the majority of the housework alone,” Loghain said…Aya smiled at his words, how he pronounced ‘my wife’, he was eager to use those two words…

“I would never be able to do such a work, but I think for an alienage elf like her this kind of ‘servant’s skill’ comes naturally,” Aya stated.

Loghain remained silent for a moment then he said,

“Maybe, but on the other hand, it would have been impossible for a wandering Dalish who lived most of her life on the roads to cultivate any skill regarding housekeeping,” Loghain shrugged…Aya’s smile widened and it wasn’t the reaction Loghain was waiting for.

“You truly changed, I had to make sure of it myself,” She explained…she was merely testing his reaction, setting him up…his cold anger and his little murderous statement indicated that he was really considering Kallian as family…and for Loghain to consider a flat ear as a Mac Tir and not as a concubine to entertain him in the few years he was left, it only meant one thing…he had changed… Aya had changed too, after Greg’s birth she would spend days without going out, she would stare at him, at his little face and his little wriggling limbs… she had killed so many people in her life, she had lost counts of the number, but to give life…it was something unique…Her opinions and her values didn’t change much but she felt like a new woman to her core.

Loghain glared at Lavelan's cocky expression and said,

"exuse me but I must interrupt this conversation and go help your husband,"


	28. Ever after (part3)

Caridin…The last time she saw him was in Skyhold after he had accepted the Inquisitor’s position and they had fought…He had chosen his destiny and condemned her to worry for him until the last day of her life.

To have such a powerful position could lead to many troubles…it also meant that her son would never have the carefree life she had always wished for him…and she had to helplessly witness him shine, go crazy or get himself killed.

After she left Skyhold, she went to Denerim to visit her father, then she gathered all her belongings and the money she had saved for years and had started what she liked to call ‘the last journey’…on her way to this farm, she visited the many orphanages she had helped to build and took those precious children…on her way to her new life, she had doubts…would he really be waiting for her in the village? Was he serious about the wedding? And most importantly, could he be trusted with children that were not his? For once in her life, Kallian had put aside all her apprehensions and had dived into those dark waters, head first…and two years after, she didn’t regret her decision.

 

She was lost in her memories when two arms closed around her waist…she closed her eyes and smiled…it was him.

“Did you miss me, mom, or should I retrace my steps back to Skyhold?”

Kallian turned around to face him…she brushed her palms against his silky black hair and his hollow cheeks…he had lost the remains of his baby fat and now he looked more than ever like his father…

“Every day I try not to think about you and I fail miserably,” Kallian said pulling the tall man down and pressing a kiss on his cheek…He stayed quite…He knew how worried she was since he became Inquisitor, especially when she was aware of the risks that came with this kind of positions…but he had to follow his own path.

“The kids are adorable,” he smiled.

“They are one of my best decisions,”

“But I haven’t seen the little one yet,”

“He is sleeping in his crib with his new friend, Greg,” Kallian’s expression shifted from sadness to joy…Caridin was proud of himself.

“Is there another bun in the oven, mom? Are you and Loghain going to calm down one day?” Caridin teased his mother…

“You see it’s because of this kind of smartass remarks that you are going to get yourself killed,” Kallian said shooing her son out of the kitchen.

Gary had been her biggest surprise…When she thought that she had everything under control, what she had refused to consider as morning sickness at the time started tormenting her, then dizziness and fatigue…It would have been crazy to consider this probability and get her hopes up given that she and Loghain had been married and had shared the same room only for three weeks…except if…it had happened this one time they had…in Skyhold…

When she had announced the good news to Loghain, not only he didn’t seem pleased but she had also noticed a hint of suspicion in his cold eyes…was this wedding going to end after just one month? It didn’t end, mostly, because of the children. although he did his best to ignore her pregnancy, he was taking his father’s role toward the kids and Adaia very seriously, at the time, Kallian had considered that it was enough…two weeks before her delivery, he just left…He didn’t say where he was going or if he would return…It had been the most painful two weeks of Kallian’s life…Maybe all of this was too much for him…maybe he preferred the warden’s lifestyle or was it his calling?

He came back six days after his son’s birth, he had entered her chamber acting like he had never left, he took the baby boy in his arms and simply said “Gareth, his name will be Gareth,” she had nodded, too afraid to say something that would make him leave again…to think that a few months ago she was afraid of living with him…

Loghain took a sealed envelope out of his pocket and put it on the pillow near her… “a birth gift, for the mother,” he had said…Kallian opened the envelope, read the document inside it, then looked at Loghain in disbelief, “This is a document signed by two Chantry sisters and a superior mother attesting that we had been married since Ostagar,”

Kallian’s eyes filled with tears and she had asked with a barely audible voice “why?”

He had stroked her hair and gave her one of his rare smiles “a woman like you doesn’t deserve to be called the bastards’ mother,”

"Can I help you with something, warden?" the shy voice of Kalli brought her back to the present, she welcomed the stammering elf with arms wide open and said "not before you come and give your mother-in-law a hug, Kalli,"


	29. The sacred union

Two years ago:

 

Aya left the room leaving Loghain and Kallian alone.

After a long moment of silence, Kallian raised her head and looked at the man standing before her,

“I suppose that you knew about this whole dread wolf thing,” she said.

“Yes and before you say anything, Caridin made his choice without consulting me,” Loghain wasn’t here to create more animosity between them.

“Well, the boy chose his fight, I would have liked to know that he will be safe before I go further in my own fight…But, things happen I suppose,” Kallian was restraining her emotions.

“That kind of fight you are conducting is a losing battle,” Loghain pulled a chair and sat in front of the elf,

“Oh, are you afraid for your little friends?” Kallian’s laughter was a strange mix of disgust and anger.

“I have no such friends…but I would lie if I said I do not know the people you are talking about, a ring including the most powerful and wealthy people of every country around Thedas…Kings bend to their whims by fear, by greed or by perversion…a woman alone can do nothing against them except getting herself killed,” Loghains voice was low, serious and concerned.

Kallian stared at him, her eyes cold and distrustful.

“You sold children, elven, human or qunary, it doesn’t matter to me... you are one of their allies and nor your power-hungry daughter nor her cowardly husband will do something about those degenerates…I am a woman and I don’t have much support but I have nothing to lose, except my life,” Kallian said.

“You are an idiot!” Loghain spat “I expected that what you have learned from Aya would have changed your mind…”

“You were expecting that I would become a supporter of child rape and ritualistic murder after I have learned that a dalish woman was pulling the strings to weaken the human countries? Are you senile Loghain?” Kallian yelled.

“I hoped that you have learned from Aya Lavellan how you must deal with an enemy stronger and more influent than you are…you are a rogue for fuck’s sake, act like one and stop going berserk!” Loghain was losing his temper and it wasn’t a thing that happened often.

At his great surprise, Kallian didn’t yell back or throw him out…she seemed to think about what he had said…encouraged by this he added,

“And believe it or not, I am not the one who gave permission for the slavery in the Alianage,”… ‘truth is so overrated’ Caridin had said, and even if he had never seen the interest of lying about selling some elves, it was not as grave as poisoning an Arl or murdering a Teyrn, but now he realized that his whole relationship with this woman depended on this matter, not because they were elves but because of the huge amount of children those damned Tevinter mages had captured…

Kallian’s expression went from surprised to amused…amused but in an angry and aggressive manner.

“Oh really, it’s like you had nothing to do with Joan poisoning Eamon or Howe exterminating the Couslands or even what happened in Ostagar… It was a ‘coincidence’ you did nothing, nothing at all, my sweet little innocent lamb,” Kallian’s words and her tone were as sharp as blades.

“Can you just listen to me woman!” Loghain said between clenched teeth, “The Alienage in Denerim was under the authority of the Arl of Denerim, if I was to give permission for the slavery of elves I would have included every alienage in the country, I was the Regent and I had the power to do so,” His brain had to work on full speed when he had to invent arguments as he spoke.

“Loghain, the documents collected from the mage’s dead body bear your seal and from what Zevran told me, the mage claimed to know you personally as he said you had only two words in your mouth; the warden and gold…Howe was a brutish man but you were the brain and the strategist behind all what happened,” Kallian wasn’t sarcastic anymore, she was annoyed that Loghain was trying to trick her as if she was the last village’s idiot.

“I had to say this in the Landsmeet, Anora would have never been allowed to keep her position as a Queen if I had confessed my ties to…to what happened to the king and his powerful advisers, but in another hand confirming that I had allowed elves to be sold was also a lie,” Loghain said…mixing the lie with a little truth was the ultimate good strategy…He hadn’t taken the pain to lie about what he did to the elves, the mages or the fereldan humans who rose against him because those people had no power to hurt Anora’s position as a Queen…but now he had to lie about the slavery too, for even more selfish reasons…Kallian Tabris would never become the wife of a man who deliberately sold children to the most degenerate people of Thedas…

“Why? Why would you lie about it and accuse yourself if it was Howe’s doing?” she was still suspicious but a reasonable doubt started to rise inside her…perfect! This was what he was seeking…the reasonable doubt.

“Think about it, I had declared myself Regent and I was trying to convince the nobles that they should gather behind me because I was, unlike the young warden, a smarter and stronger leader, so how could I have explained that Howe had stolen my seal without my knowing and used it to sell people in my name? Besides, do you think that I would have opened my heart to a blood mage and confessed to him all my problems concerning the lack of gold and the runaway warden? Or was it some words a third party told him about me?” Loghain hoped that those arguments were the last two nails he had to drive in to finish this improvised lie.

“I must confess that what you are telling me is logical enough, but why now and here?” Kallian’s face was unreadable.

“Because you never left me a single chance to explain myself…now and here, are perhaps the last time we meet, so I have decided to confess even if it would make me viler in your eyes because I had chosen to endorse the role of a slaver to save my reputation instead of telling the truth and save what had remained of our relation,” His voice was soft, almost emotional and Kallian had to shake her head…

“Even if you are saying the truth, Loghain, Now it is too late, I have a mission to accomplish and there is no place for…this in my life,”

“The mission you seek to accomplish would be safer if you don’t lead from the front like Cailan once insisted on doing, you have to survive for the sake of your children and those who count on you…or are you, perhaps, pressed to die?” Loghain took her hand and pulled her closer…Kallian looked into his eyes…he understood her more than herself…

“There is a farm in some remote village, I had spotted it years ago and since then my most crazy dream became a quiet life in this house surrounded by children and the man I love,” Loghain’s heart skipped a beat…was she talking about him or was it another man?

“so maybe it is time to fulfill this dream, move a step backward and elaborate a better plan…losing your life or your sanity won’t benefit the ones you are trying to help,” Loghain insisted.

“If I leave now I will perhaps lose the influence and power that would have helped me in this fight,”

“Gwaren will always be yours you can return whenever you want, and I still think that those people could only be attacked from the shadow and by people worse than them,” Loghain hinted.

“There are no people on this earth worse than them,” Kallian’s face was twisted in disgust as he remembered stories that kept her awake at night.

“We will strike them one by one and in the moment they expect the less…But first, let them think that the nosy warden gave up and disappeared,” Loghain softly caressed Kallian’s cheek to chase away whatever stories she knew…a woman as sensitive as her should have never learned about the existence of those such depraved monsters.

“Would you help me?”

“I will if you trust me,”

Kallian took a deep breath and Loghain held his.

“Help me fight this great evil that nobody seems to care about and I will follow you to the end of the world,”

“you have my word, Warden,” He made a promise…and he had every intention to keep it, after all, making murders look like accidents or vengeance was his specialty, and now it was time for a little spring cleaning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am probably going to add more chapters, but this chapter is meant to be the conclusion of Kallian and Loghain's relationship.


	30. Ever after (part 4)

 

  “This eggs story sounds like a made up excuse to send us out and have the opportunity to be alone at the kitchen”  Aya grumbled.

“Nobody sent you out Lavellan, you insisted on coming with me...” Loghain rolled his eyes.

“yes, to scare your neighbors to death…the expression on the faces of most villagers when they see a dalish elf is priceless,” Lavellan laughed, “but it sounded like she wanted to be in the kitchen alone with my husband” she added.

“because, Adaia, Caridin and his wife are looking after the children and you refused to help her, saying with your usual dalish tact ‘I am no flat ear, to serve in the kitchen’…look, we have many children plus the guests we are receiving today, Kallian has to make two big cakes and she didn’t find enough eggs this morning in the barnyard,” Loghain patiently explained.

“But still, there was something in their eyes when they looked at each other…it is suspicious,” Lavellan said with a serious tone.

“Kallian spent half her life surrounded by wardens yet she never took a lover, she is not going to start with a married former Templar” Loghain chuckled.

“Oh! It strokes your pride to be the only man,” Lavellan laughed “but let me tell you something, the moment you started living under the same roof everything changed…you are not anymore the desirable yet cold villain that broke her heart, you are not the forbidden fruit anymore… you became the housemate who let her wash his dirty underwear and empty his chamber pot” Lavellan grinned… and even if Loghain’s face was hard to read, she could tell that he had never thought about it this way… Lavellan didn’t even try to understand how those two came to the conclusion that it would be nice to live together like a couple of farmers surrounded by a crowd of children.

“Do you have any reasons to doubt your husband like you do now?” he deliberately changed the subject…

“Not really, two years ago I proposed to the warden to take him, but she had refused…But now things has changed, I cannot afford to lose him,” Aya said.

“You did that?” Loghain frowned.

“It’s an old story, and I would prefer that Cullen never learns about it,” she glared menacingly to Loghain, but the man wasn’t even looking at her, he coldly stared in front of him probably thinking of what would have happened if Kallian had accepted the proposition.

********************

 “You are so good at dishwashing,” Kallian smiled to the blond man.

“Templar training,” he said, “we were living in the circle, everybody does their own chores,”

“That seems like a good training to start in life,” Kallian said,

“Except for the lyrium, yes it is a good training,” Cullen nodded.

“Leliana told me about the sanctuary you created, I think it’s amazing what you are doing for the former Templars addicted to lyrium,”

“I have delayed this project for so long, now, I feel like I am not doing enough,” Cullen confessed…Kallian smiled, Cullen was a good man, principled and strong at the same time was a rare combination...

“Whenever I see a Templar too far gone, taken by the addiction I think it could have been me if Aya didn’t stand by me when my resolve faltered,” Cullen added.

“I can hardly imagine Lavellan in this role,” Kallian confessed…it was rude to criticize someone’s spouse like this…but it was the truth…she knew how Lavellan helped him but it had always seemed hard to believe.

“She’s only rough on the edges, I thought you already knew it,” Cullen didn’t seem pleased by the remark…he must be tired of people always telling him that he had made the wrong choice.

“Forgive my poor manners, it is a blessing to be with someone who had said fuck Thedas, you are more important,” Kallian said with a sad look on her face.

“You and Loghain living together, I thought it was a rumor when I first heard about it,” the man confessed.

“We have a common project that brought us together,” Kallian wasn’t annoyed by his question and his curiosity started to grow.

“A common project? Are you talking about the farm and the children?”

Kallian didn’t answer, she only put her hand on his forearm and smiled.

“I must confess that it was not this matter that had convinced me to give us a chance…it was when he lied to me,” Kallian said. Cullen’s amused surprise made her laugh. “He told me that the slavery in the Alienage was Arl Howe’s doing…for once, he was not bragging about doing it or just coldly assuming and justifying it like it was nothing…I was aware that I would never hear a word of regret from him, So this lie, was as much as he was able to come with to convince me…I think that he knows that I know,” Kallian explained with a little discomfort…would the very honorable Commander understand what she was trying to tell him?

“I understand,” the man said, “and I think that Loghain had, also, said fuck Ferelden when he had made a marriage contract that legitimates all your children,” Cullen said.

Kallian wasn’t very surprised that he already knew about it, his daughter was her son’s wife, now…they were family.

Kallian put her hand on the commander’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” she whispered with a smile.

It was at this precise moment that Aya and Loghain entered the kitchen with a basket full of eggs…Loghain’s stern look as he put the basket on the counter and left without a word added to that Aya’s death glare and it was sufficient to make the warden and the former commander feel guilty of something they hadn’t even done…and somehow it made her son, who was standing leaning against the door frame, laugh.


	31. Ever after (part 5)

The study’s door was half opened. Kallian just pushed it with her elbow and entered carrying a tray. Loghain didn’t raise his head as he seemed absorbed by the book he was reading.

Kallian put the tray on the coffee table and said,

“I brought you a snack, the dinner risks to be late,” Kallian did her best to act as natural as possible. She had done nothing wrong after all and had nothing to apologize for. She stood in front of him for some time trying to say something but he was ignoring her, so she finally decided to leave the room and let him calm down on his own.

“I love you despite the things you have done,” Loghain said closing the book violently and throwing it on the desk.

Kallian frowned and turned to face him with a questioning look in her eyes.

“That’s what you had told me one night after we moved here, don’t you remember?”

“Yes, I remember it now,” kallian said…she had no idea where this conversation was going.

“Do you truly believe it?” Loghain asked raising from his comfortable chair.

“Look, we already agreed not to talk about the past,” Kallian said.

Loghain grinned…it was more frightening than a glare.

“I am a man who despiseS this kind of drama, Warden. I agreed to let you tell this lie to whoever wanted to listen, but wife, I am now concerned about you starting to believe it yourself,” Loghain said.

He called her Warden…this was not a good sign.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Kallian’s face hardened…She turned around and put her hand on the door handle but before she was able to get through, the door closed violently before her…and she hear Loghain’s voice coming from behind her, his mouth, inches from her ear,

“You are in love with me because of what I have done…because of who I am…” His voice was low and guttural and it made her shiver.

Kallian turned to face him and found herself trapped between the door and him…Loghain’s hand, above her head, was maintaining the door closed as he leaned toward her and said,

“Deep down, what you admire the most about me, is what your people lack, Warden, strength, might, quick wit, determination, fearlessness, willpower, expedience, efficiency, logic, and dignity,” Loghain whispered.

“You are flattering yourself,” Kallian muttered with a dry mouth…She didn’t know what had come over him, but what he was saying was painfully true.

“I almost forget what I think you like the most about me; being vengeful, never forget an offense or let it slip…not accepting any affront, not even from a King,”

Kallian’s eyes widened. Lavellan had told her that in Adamant, Loghain had almost confessed his betrayal toward the king in Ostagar when he had told Clarel that he had betrayed the warden’s once and he would never start again…it was a semi confession about what had happened in Ostagar…but now, he was voicing it with clear words…

“So unlike your father, who would stand to watch as his wife and daughter were snatched from him,” he added with a chuckle.

Kallian pushed him with all her strength…she had to get out of this room…she felt necked…she felt scrutinized and dissected by the man she loved…

Loghain grabbed her wrists and pushed her against the door…she repressed a moan hoping none of the children heard the rumpus.

“Why are you resurrecting old demons? What are you trying to prove? We are already beyond all of this” Kallian hissed, keeping her voice low.

Loghain looked at her. She was not trying to deny it…But how could he tell her that it was because of his own insecurities…that she would throw him away after he had finally changed…He had changed, because of her and for her. He remembered the first thing he had thought about when she had announced her third pregnancy…ever practical and calculating, a plan had instantly formed in his head; writing to Anora and telling her to bribe a physician and announce her pregnancy, then he would take the child from Kallian, put him in a carriage with a wet nurse and send him to Denerim to offer Ferelden a legitimate King who would carry the Theirin family name and give Anora a chance to be the mother of a child who carried the family blood and whom none would have doubted his filiation. 

He had written the letter, and he knew that it was the reasonable thing to do, but he had torn up the paper and spent the following months battling his demons, alone…he had vanquished them…for her and because of her.

“Don’t you prefer the Teyrn to the man who stands in front of you?” His voice was sincere as he let go of her wrists.

Kallian blinked several times, trying to figure out what he meant but after a while, she put her hands on each side of his head and said

“I prefer the man who is mine now,”

Even the most ruthless Teyrn in Thedas needed to be reassured from time to time.

Suddenly Kallian’s eyes widened and Loghain held his breath.

“I left the pot on the stove,” she shouted before rushing out of the room and leaving Loghain behind her… He didn’t know who was the silliest, the insecure old man or the oddball young elf and who was the craziest, the young woman who fell in love the representation of the father she had dreamt to have or the old man who married the one who broke his life and brought down the man he used to be.


	32. Ever after (part 6)

Kallian served dinner to the children first then put the little rascals to bed only after Caridin promised them more stories about the Inquisition for the morrow.

The two toddlers who had a long nap were harder to put to bed after she breastfed both of them, hoping that Aya wouldn’t mind that she gave her son the breast. Kallian had looked for the dalish woman to ask her about it but Adaia had told her that she went out to smoke.

Finally, the seven adults were gathered around the dining table and Kallian hoped to have a little break from this eventful day.

“I must admit that I am agreeably surprised Warden, you are a gourmet cook,” It was the first pleasing thing she heard from Lavellan since she stepped into her house, and it was even more surprising to hear the dalish praising her after what happened in the afternoon.

“Thank you,” Kallian smiled politely to the woman.

“And you even took the pain to cut most of the ingredients into bite size pieces, I assume to make it easier for me to eat,” Lavellan added pointing at her artificial arm.

“I aim to please my guests, besides I took the habit to do so, one of my children has trouble using his left hand,” Kallian felt awkward, was Aya really grateful or did it make her feel angry to be given a special treatment?

“Since I have met you Lady Lavellan, I had always thought that you and mother would get along very well,”Caridin said with a smile.

“Why would you assume such a thing?” Aya asked.

“Two powerful elven women, it was natural that a certain bond would form sooner or later,” Caridin explained.

“Hum, so because we both have the same sexual organs and pointy ears we are meant to form some sort of sisterhood…Do you think that we should be soon dancing under the moonlight and smearing our menstrual blood over trees?” Lavellan asked with a smirk on her face… Kallian would have said something to help her son get out of this tight corner but she was too busy repressing her laughter, thing that Adaia didn’t bother to do as she giggled openly.

“I believe that Caridin was referring to your common traits such as intransigence and strength, as he seems aware that shared values bring people together, not gender,” Loghain spoke on behalf of his son, and Caridin was more than thankful for Loghain’s intervention. He knew that Lavellan didn’t hold him close to her heart, especially after he had failed to become the lousy Inquisitor she expected him to become.

“Blood ties, as you already know, are the strongest. My loyalty is toward my clan and family, anyone who would tell me that I should put first an Antivan princess or a fereldan maid just because we have vaginas is either clueless or a sly manipulator,” Aya stated smiling to Loghain. Kallian chuckled, Aya did know a lot about manipulation and how to establish the seeds of chaos while covering it with some denatured humane values.

 “Although it is impossible for us to become close friends, I do admire the Warden for two decisions she had made,” Lavellan brought her attention to the warden.

“Which ones?” Kallian asked halfheartedly…the last thing she wanted was to make it easier for Lavellan to bash her or use her to bash someone else, but it would have been rude to just ignore her when she is her guest.

“First, when you put your fellow warden on the throne, he may hate you forever for sparing Loghain’s life but you minimized the risk of getting betrayed by Anora.” Loghain kept silent, those were the values he had inculcated in his daughter; to win at all costs. “Second, when you asked for wealth and lands as a recompense for saving the dog lords’ asses…the world has but one god and it is name is gold.”

Kallian put her fork down and said,

“I did choose gold, but as a servant not as a master,” Kallian said.

“Growing up in a dalish clan, very isolated from the outside world, they had taught us about the importance of the ties between people about integrity, loyalty and honor. giving the best of yourself and receiving gratitude... do you want to know when I realized that all this was rubbish and the only important thing was gold and the power it can buy?”

Kallian wanted to say no but she answered “please tell us,”

“Haven,” Aya said and Kallian saw Cullen’s face darken but he kept eating. At the mention of the village’s name, Kalli also looked at her husband, with annoyed eyes, she knew what this story was about, Lavellan told it often as an example of the ingratitude and deep lack of morals characterizing the human race…Caridin held her hand, he understood the frustration of his wife, she couldn’t defend her father against Aya, for the simple fact that she was an adopted child that should always be grateful to this woman who allowed her to become part of her family and bestowed fortune and protection upon her even if she never gave her any motherly tenderness.

“It was when Corypheus attacked Haven and I, the woman who had just closed the giant hole in the sky and became partially useless, had been left alone to face a courageous and forcibly self-sacrificing death as they gathered their people and retreated valiantly…” Lavellan said calmly with a smirk on her lips.

Kallian cleared her throat, the one Lavellan was aiming to bash this evening was her husband…When Kallian glanced at him, Cullen seemed untroubled as he kept eating and ignoring what his wife just said.

“Being the Inquisitor is a hard task I guess,” Kallian said and quickly added without giving Aya a chance to spew one more truth about her husband, “How is your relationship with the Inquisition’s old allies?” she asked her son,

“I received many congratulation letters from different monarchs, reiterating their support for the Inquisition, but some were more worried, Briala of Orlais and Enchanter Fiona visited me in person,”

“Why would this woman visit the Inquisition, she already has the approbation of the new Divine for her College of Enchanters?” Kallian looked worried…she hoped that her son would avoid taking part in those stories of mages against normal people…she knew what was the Tevinter Imperium and had the intimate conviction that unwatched mages would sooner or later seek to enslave the normal ones that they perceived as inferior…But Aya had helped them and proposed Leliana as the next Devine…she wanted this to happen, any civil war that would weaken the humans was welcomed…Kallian wondered if Aya was still thinking the same thing after she had Greg.

“I was as surprised as you that the woman would leave all her duties and come to pay me an unnecessary courteous visit,” Caridin explained.

Aya smiled and said, “It must be because you remind her of her own son,” Maybe, the old woman was seeking to convince herself that she had made the best decision when she threw her own son away and expected that Caridin would be a tortured boy cursing his elven mother and elven heritage but all she had found was a mature and lively man who felt good about himself…

“I wasn’t aware that Fiona had a son,” Caridin wondered.

“I do not give information for free my boy, You will have to put in place your own web of spies my dear new Inquisitor and have ears everywhere as any little insignificant info could become very useful to negotiate,” Aya bragged.

“I am working on it, lady Lavellan” Caridin tried to be as humble as possible, provoking Aya and ruining this family supper, his mother spent hours preparing was best to be avoided.

“Tell me instead, how was the meeting with Briala?” Aya asked.

“Briala acted so recklessly when she started giving her people gold and lands, the only thing that protected her from the nobles’ anger was her friendship with the Inquisitor and the respect the orlaisian noble have for you Herald,”

“Gold and lands are offered only to the ones who draw a sword to protect the country, not by race.” Kallian spoke, “I hope you didn’t support her behavior,” she added trying not to glimpse to the smirking Lavellan.

“Well, I made her understand that although she remained an ally, she has to put an end to that kind of discrimination,” Caridin said.

“It is like she is seeking to eliminate her own people, giving gold and lands to illiterate elves and imposing to them to live side by side with humans who had worked all their lives without being able to gather such a fortune…Her greed is a curse for her people,” Kallian said.

“Be reassured, she doesn’t like you either,” Aya laughed. “But she has respect for Loghain because he is so hated by Gaspard,”

“Yes, I forgot to tell you, father, Briala sends her regards,” Caridin said.

“I swear, after I came back from the Winter Palace, Loghain greeted me with a smile…but nobody believed me when I told them,” Aya shook her head.

Kallian looked at Loghain’s impassible expression, of course, he had been elated after knowing about Celene’s death and the role the Inquisitor had in it… Kallian stroke her husband’s arm and said,

“I, personally, believe you, Aya”

“See, I told you,” Aya nudged Cullen who raised his head, looked at her then brought his attention back to his plate.

The evening had just begun.

 

 

 


	33. Ever after (part 7)

After supper, Lavellan unexpectedly offered Kallian her help to clear the table and prepare for serving the dessert in the sitting room where everybody was gathered.

Lavellan put the dishes aside and watched how Kallian adding the final decorating touch to the cake.

“I brought you a gift, I forgot it inside the carriage,” Lavellan said.

“That’s so nice of you,” Kallian smiled.

“It’s a bag of the finest cocoa powder,” Lavellan declared.

“Oh, I once tasted chocolate at a reception, but the cocoa powder, I don’t know how to use it,” Kallian laughed…Lavellan ignored if the woman was truly easy going and humble or was just pretending.

“You can use it in everything, hot beverages, porridge, pancakes or add it to a cake batter, the options are unlimited,” Lavellan affirmed.

“Thank you, the children are going to like it,” she smiled to Aya.

Kallian was about to bring back her attention to the cake when Lavellan said,

“So how is the life with Loghain?”

“Well,” Kallian put down her spatula and sighed “It feels me with regrets about all the years we had lost living separately,” the elf confessed.

“Maybe the time you spent living apart was not a waste, it was a preparation and a necessity for you to appreciate this moment,” Aya suggested.

“Those are wise words, Lavellan,” Kallian nodded “and you? Is everything going well with the commander?”

“I have got everything under control,” Aya affirmed. A cold and brief answer betraying all the unsaid things. Kallian, for a second, regretted what she had done to bring them back together but then she remembered Greg’s little face and thought it was worth it, this child would have never seen the light if she didn’t manage to trick them into patching things up.

“Let us join the others in the living room,” Kallian suggested picking up the cake and leading the way.

*********

 

As soon as she sat beside her husband on the divan, Kallian heard the sound of baby cries, and it soon became two babies cries as one of them had awakened the other with his screams.

“No, sit down and cut the cake, I will bring them here,” Loghain suggested and Kallian nodded.

After a moment the cries ceased and Loghain came back triumphantly holding the two toddlers.

Cullen rose and took his son into his arms and sat him on his lap while Loghain sat back beside his wife.

“How are you going to eat the cake now,” Kallian giggled, putting the slice of cake on the coffee table before Loghain who was holding Gary on his lap.

He reached for the plate with one hand but as soon as he got it near him, the toddler stretched his little arms and tried to grab it making Kallian laugh harder.

“Is it all right for them to have cake?” Kalli asked.

And she got two simultaneous answers, Kallian said no, when Aya said yes. And she soon regretted asking when the two elven women looked at each other.

“They both are almost two, are you feeding your son only breast milk?” Aya said.

“Not only but mostly milk, I give him some veggies but I avoid meat and rich foods like cake,” Kallian explained, she didn’t like to have to explain those things and sound bossy or haughty.

“A little bit won’t harm them, but yes you are right they should not eat cake so late at night,” Aya nodded.

Kalli exhaled, she was thankful that it didn’t create an incident between the two women.

Kallian took the plate from Loghain’s hand and cut a bite-size piece with her fork and whispered

“Open your mouth love, I am going to feed you,”

The former warden lifted the cut piece with her fork and presented it before Loghain’s mouth under the incredulous stare of Lavellan and he actually opened his mouth and ate it…The dalish was looking so surprised.

“They are like this since we came here, you will get accustomed to it like I did,” Adaia told the staring dalish.

“Well, dear, this spectacle is more incredible than red lyrium growing of people’s flesh,”

“it’s surely more disgusting,” Adaia muttered to herself glancing at her mother giggling like a teenage girl while wiping the cream from Loghain’s mouth with her thumb and licking it clean.

“I must admit that your little one looks adorable, Warden,” Aya interrupted the sweet moment.

“Thank you, and your Greagoir is just one of the most beautiful babies I have seen,” Kallian put the plate aside and smiled to Lavellan.

“I have little merits in the matter, all the credit goes to my handsome husband and his ferelden typical looks,” Aya said smiling to Cullen. The woman knew how to stroke her man’s pride, maybe it was the hidden face of their relationship that Kallian ignored.

“Sir Cullen is more handsome than Frelden’s king, I must admit,” Kallian confirmed.

Aya glanced at Loghain’s expression, nothing on it betrayed the jealousy she was certain he had.

“Your husband is fine too, warden even if he has no fereldan features,” Aya added trying to sound spontaneous and innocent.

“I was not aware that you have reinvented yourself as an expert in human genealogy, dalish” Loghain’s cold and biting retort was always ready for anyone who was seeking it.

“I had people from the four corners of Thedas under my command when I was Inquisitor, and I can affirm that features like yours usually come from warmer regions and from what I know, there is no sand deserts in Ferelden,”

“What a high-level education the dalish give their hunters, soon the biggest universities of thedas will close their doors before such concurrence,” Loghain mocked.

“Maybe the Inquisitor is right, father,” Caridin held his laughter before the outrage of his father and the surprise of his mother, it looked like warden Tabris had never questioned the potential origins of the father of her children… but Caridin did, before even meeting Loghain, he would look at his face in the mirror trying to uncover a part of his heritage and the origins of his mysterious genitor.

 “You don’t know what you are talking about, boy,” Loghain’s aggressive tone showed that he didn’t appreciate his son’s doubts.

“No need to be angry about it Loghain, you don’t look very fereldan and it maybe explains why saving their lives was the least of your worries during the fifth blight,” Aya was savoring each and every moment of it. “…you had no racial empathy toward them as you were ready to kill them all to the last one in order to keep Orlais away from…you and your daughter,” Aya added.

Even Caridin couldn’t smile or take the subject lightly no longer… not when his mother’s face was showing that she was contemplating Aya’s theory and even adopting it.

“Does it mean that we were stupid when we named a dalish elf as our inquisitor and leader?” Cullen finally spoke to his wife.

Kallian knew the answer to it, yes they were and Aya did some damages that only the future would show their extent.

“Well, of course there are people ready to negate their own race and affiliation in order to serve everyone, blindly, without distinction, like the warden here, but mostly, people will always have this race loyalty that makes them see the blood of their kind more precious to them, some do it consciously and some do it by simple reflex,” Aya explained without answering the original question.

Loghain didn’t speak, he kept glaring at Lavellan but he didn’t speak, every time the things he had done during the fifth blight were mentioned he would prefer to keep silent, offering justifications and talking lightly about it would make him lose more than he would gain, especially when Kallian was sitting there beside him…and maybe Aya was pushing him toward this to prove to Kallian that he didn’t change, and he still the same heartless insensitive bastard…Throwing a stone into the water and proving to herself that every relationship like this was doomed to failure, not only hers…well tried, Lavellan, well tried.

“What I have done, cannot be justified by anything, Lavellan, no racial drive or paranoia, I was in charge, people trusted me and I have failed,” Loghain simply said, and Caridin saw his mother’s face soften, she went from pragmatic and rational to emotional and moved after one sentence pronounced with respect and a deep sad voice.

Lavellan and Loghain could give lessons in manipulation and battle of wits and he would attend all of them.


	34. ...it's a dream that won't come true

“Wise words, my friend,” Lavellan said with a seemingly capitulating smile. And just when Caridin thought that the dalish would simply cease the offensive, the woman added “but for a man who loves his homeland as much as you do, you truly missed a huge opportunity to serve it,”

“How is that?” Loghain half-heartedly asked.

“You already have a house full of children, but this one” Aya pointed to Gary who was sitting on his father’s lap “this one, he could have served a much higher purpose if you had made some arrangement and gave him to the queen to be raised as her son and the future heir to the throne,” Aya simply said sipping her drink.

A moment of heavy silence followed, Kallian didn’t understand what Aya was insinuating, but then she looked at her husband and she saw it, he was not surprised by what she suggested…he only kept staring at the smiling dalish woman, struggling to find a riposte that wouldn’t make him sound guilty of such thought…At once, his odd and distant behavior during her pregnancy came back to her mind, she had thought it to be simple doubt concerning the paternity but it obviously wasn’t. The elven woman felt her head spinning, the earth was trembling under her feet and the roof menaced to crumble on her head…she trusted him so much that she didn’t even suspected that he would have such thoughts…she trusted him so much to the point of forgetting who he was.

“I don’t even know what you are talking about,” Loghain voice came confident and calm yet not his son nor his wife were convinced by it.

Damn that dalish woman, she had added to her natural dalish wits the malice of those idle noble women she was hanging out with at every reception.

“what did she mean,” Adaia whispered into Kalli’s ear, The elven girl looked at her sister-in-law hesitating to even hint about what Aya was talking about…Caridin spoke fast and whispered back to his sister, “she is trying hard to make stir up the old ill-feelings between Loghain and Kallian,”

Kallian took her son from Loghain’s arms without looking at the man’s face, she rose quickly and said,

“I am going to put the little one to bed and go to sleep, good night,” Kallian rushed out of the room without looking back.

Shortly after, Cullen rose carrying a half asleep Greg in his arms and followed the warden.

“Do you even realize that you have become a caricature of yourself, mother?”

No one expected this. Kalli the quiet shy girl speaking in such manner to the sly former Inquisitor. No one expected this and certainly not Aya who stared at her daughter with raised eyebrows and a half opened mouth. There was emotions in her eyes, sadness and even shame to have reached a point where even Kalli couldn’t stay silent anymore.

“Congratulation, Caridin, you have succeeded to do in two years what I have never managed to achieve in six years, you made my daughter such a confident person,” Aya smiled and then headed to the front door of the house.

“Where are you going, Inquisitor?” Caridin rose from the couch.

“I am going to sleep in the carriage outside, blame it on my dalish habits,” Aya shrugged and gave to the boy a reassuring smile.

This was the assessment of the first day, which would be followed by six others days where all the family would have to stay together on this farm.

 

 


	35. The weak and the wicked

Cullen put his son in the crib. Kallian had been nice enough to leave the crib for the toddler and took her son to her room. In the small room, there was a single bed, not too big but it was preferable than going to the guest room and sharing a big bed with Aya.

Cullen had started to undress when he heard a shy knock on the door.

“Come in,” he said.

His daughter was the last person he expected to see crossing the door and shutting it behind her.

“What is the matter, Kalli?” he asked.

“I came to check if you or Greg need something…Are you fine, father?”

Cullen sighed and sat on the bed.

“I am fine, daughter, don’t you bother yourself by useless worries,”

“Lavellan decided to sleep in the carriage, you don’t have to sleep in this small bed,” Kallia informed.

“I…It’s preferable, I don’t want your brother to wake up alone in an unfamiliar place,”

“I will stay with him then,”

“Kalli, I told you to not bother yourself with me, you will soon enough have your own children and plenty of worries,” Cullen tried to smile to the frowning girl.

Kalli nodded and turned back to leave but she couldn’t…if she didn’t speak now, a similar opportunity would perhaps never come.

“Leave her…” she muttered.

“What…what have you said?” Cullen didn’t believe his ears.

“I said, leave her,” Kalli was now facing him with a determinate expression she repeated her words. “Lavellan is not meant for marriage, or family life and you know it,”

Loghain’s son had some great influence over her, Cullen concluded, for he had never expected to hear such words from her.

“Kallian, you should not speak like this of your mother, she is the one who saved us all back then,” Cullen said with a firm tone.

“Yeah, this was Loghain’s argument when the warden tried to put an end to his murderous madness, that he was Ferelden’s savior, that they owed him everything…I won’t watch idly when this woman is making you miserable…she deserves to be with a man like Loghain, as long as her evil winds are blowing into the branchs of  big beautiful trees she will always think that she is producing a melody, let her blow against the huge walls of ice and let the freezing wind come back into her fucking face so she would learn how ugly she truly is,”

“Who stuffed your head with those nonsenses, daughter? Is it your husband?” Cullen seemed angry…angry against the wrong person.

“In fact, my husband thinks that you and Lavellan, Loghain and the warden are perfect couples, perfect match…he calls it maintaining a good balance, but I have disagreed with him since the time he confessed his desire to reunite his parents…The warden’s affection had been stolen from her when she was a girl by a man who could have been her father, a man so full of envy and malice, he would spit on a coveted dish that is not meant for him to spoil it for anyone else, he had done it before and he did the same thing with the young Kallian…Aya Lavellan is no different from him,”

Cullen surprise took over his anger. Kalli, the shy and discreet girl was now unrelentingly standing for her viewpoint and standing to defend him.

“Girl, don’t let your mother or the warden hear you, it would cause them a lot of grief,” Cullen said ending the conversation.

As he watched her leave, he hoped that life would preserve her and never shatter all her certitudes.


	36. Loghain (part1)

He went outside to fill his lungs with some of the cool night air. He stood there for a while reflecting on the wise option to wait until his wife fell asleep before heading to their bedchamber.

He cursed under his breath, he had never been the kind of man to be afraid of his own woman. Hiding like a coward, it wasn’t for him, even if his brain would rather name it subtle diplomacy.

So with heavy steps, he took the stairs leading to their room. What was the worst that could happen? After all, no man ever had been judged for his thoughts or past intentions without proofs…and the response came from the deeper and most pessimistic part of his being: ‘before a court, never, but by their wives, many.’

What would be his line of defense if she confronted him? Denying it all together of course…once again everything depended on him being a good liar.

As soon as he opened the door, he was surprised by Kallian’s voice shouting to him “Catch him!”

He instinctively looked down and he saw the naked toddler running toward the opened door. Swiftly he caught the little one and lifted him up into his arms. The baby’s unhappy squeals transformed into laughter when he tossed him twice in the air.

“That’s more like it, son” Loghain whispered with a smile on his lips.

When he turned his attention to his wife, he saw her standing near the dresser, still holding a cotton white sheet and some baby clothes in her hands, staring at the scene and smiling.

“You are good with him,” she finally spoke and moved toward them.

“I am good with them all,” Loghain bragged.

“Yes, you are right,” she laughed and handed him the tissue and the clothes. “Wrap this diaper and dress him, then.”

Loghain complied, relieved by the toddler’s presence, which meant they won’t be discussing any serious matter tonight.

He glimpsed at Kallian changing into her silky pink nightgown, it was his favorite…and she knew it.

Kallian sat in front of her dressing table, she let down her long hair and started brushing it, glancing at Loghain through the large mirror.

“It’s all done,” Loghain raised his head after finishing dressing his son.

He found Kallian putting some red on her lips and black on her eyes…this was another good sign. Maybe she didn’t believe Lavellan or didn’t catch what the dalish woman was hinting…maybe.

“I know nothing on the subject, but aren’t women supposed to make themselves beautiful when they are receiving guests, not after it?” he teased her.

Kallian laughed and rose from her seat. 

“Those are the habits of wealthy women, looking pretty for guests they despise is more important for them than to look pretty for some husbands they consider as a milk cow,” Kallian said.

“You like to be right, don’t you?” Loghain chuckled. Kallian smiled and shrugged.

Before he had the occasion to say how beautiful she looked tonight the door knocked and Kallian rushed to open it.

“Is he ready?” Adaia’s voice came to his ears.

“Come in,” Kallian said.

Adaia stepped inside their room and she smiled at her father “Dad,”

He would never get tired of hearing this word from her…he had waited for a long time for this. He remembered how reluctant the girl was at the idea of living with him under the same roof but with patience and with Kallian’s neutral attitude he had been able to educate her and even get close in the process…now, they have this friendly relationship he had wished he had with his older daughter.

Kallian took Gareth and kissed his cheek and then presented him to Loghain saying “kiss daddy good night, my love,” Loghain surprised kissed his son’s forehead and said “isn’t he going to sleep in the middle of the bed, between us like he used to do when he was a baby?”

“No, I would prefer that he sleeps with Adaia tonight,” Kallian said and quickly gave the toddler to his sister and added “I already fed him, but if he starts to cry, bring him to me. Good night sweety,” Kallian kissed her girl.

“Good night mum, good night dad,” Adaia shouted before leaving the room.

Loghain stood there without moving like a prisoner waiting for judgment. He observed carefully as his wife walked slowly toward the chair and sat crossing her legs. The soft fabric fell on each side of the long split and revealed a beautifully shaped calf.

With a sigh, she uttered his name

 “Loghain...”


	37. Loghain (part2)

Loghain stood unmoving, facing the window, only daring to glance at the sitting Warden from the corner of his eye.

The warden…it had been so long since he used this term when thinking about her yet she was still the Warden, the only and unique woman who had defeated him and she was now ready to throw him away after sensing he could be a menace to her children. He wouldn’t object and wouldn’t make up some excuses, for being able to live like this for two years was more than he would have expected, more than what he used to dream about all this time he spent as a warden in Orlais, lonely and rejected like a plague-stricken man. If she wanted him gone he would comply.

Yet some hopes persisted in the back of his mind, she, after all had dressed in the outfit he liked and made herself beautiful…it would be some sort of unusual cruelty coming from such a principled woman, exacerbating her beauty to taunt him before throwing him back to his loneliness while the ghost of death is hovering around him.

“Do you know why I brought you here, to this small farm in the middle of a remote village and away from everyone?” Kallian finally broke the silence.

“To raise children, I guess,” he said with a detached tone waiting for her to tell him how he had failed her and the children and that was time for him to leave.

“Yes indeed it’s a calm place to raise children, but when I spotted this farm, that was not the first thing I have thought about…” Kallian confessed. “you see, you are such a vain man,” she laughed, “I have always felt that I should never let you know how much you really mean to me…but today is the day of revelations in some sort,”

Loghain frowned, the conversation was taking an unexpected turning point. He turned his head to fully look at the woman sitting at the corner of the room and he could spot no trace of anger showing on her face.

“I love my children and my family but I have no merit for it, it’s instinctive and normal, I do love people in general and children in particular and it’s due to my nature…but you Loghain, you…” Kallian raised from her chair and walked slowly toward him.

The elven woman gently put her hands on his back and moved them upward, caressing him until they reached his broad shoulders.

“For many years, I have kept you inside my deserted heart…you alone were there roaming its empty corners and my only wish was to take you to some deserted place that would mimic what I have felt…take you away from the entire world and have you for myself alone,” her voice was a whisper. He fought the urge to turn and see what expression she had on her face.

“…Being a good mother, being a good daughter and being a decent good person, do not come before you, even if I had done and said everything to make you believe the contrary…Helping as many people as I could during the civil war, helping Redcliff, liberating Joan, fighting against the annulment in Kinloch Hold and even bringing back the elves you sold, I have been pushed by my moral codes but first and above all else, I have been compelled by my sentiments toward you, by the deep desire to clean after you, to erase all sins you intentionally or unintentionally committed…You… and only you, come first, regardless of what you have done or what you may do, it will always be you…I have accepted my feelings and reconciled with myself,” Kallian’s voice trembled as she wrapped her arms around the tall man standing unmoving before her, embracing him from behind.

“It is you who gave me my children and it is thanks to you I have been able to adopt the others and offer them a home. You have kept your promise and those evil monsters won’t hurt children anymore…everything in my life begins with you and it ends with you…breaking my heart won’t make me stop loving you, and it now won’t drive me away from you, it will only add griefs to it,” Kallian closed her eyes and rested her cheek against Loghain’s back. She heard his heart hammering inside his chest and suddenly a strong fist, almost painfully grabbed both of her hands that were resting on his chest.

Kallian startled as the man pulled her to face him, her surprise grew bigger when she saw his face…anger, sadness, and tears in his eyes…she had never seen his tears before, not even when he had been defeated and lost everything. Why would he cry when she was aiming to reassure him and offering him a boundless love?

“You…” he uttered with a strangled hoarse voice, squeezing her wrists in his grasp.


	38. Loghain (part3)

The Landsmeet, if he had died there he would have gone light-hearted and without any regrets. All his friends, his wife and former lover were dead, and he had somehow deserved the sentence. But she had kept him alive, and when another opportunity had presented with the killing of the Archdemon, the elf had found a way to circumvent it. He should have died then, an old man’s death for a young woman’s life, the fall of a corrupted former hero and the rise of a fresh new principled one…it was only natural, and nature detested emptiness. His life as a warden in Orlais was some sort of purgatory preparing him for death and he had accepted it, he had been calm and serene, he would have also left this world light-hearted if Inquisitor Lavellan had left him in the fade but an invisible force persisted on keeping him breathing…and this is how he had been for years, just breathing, talking rarely and shallowly, eating alone and sleeping with darkspawn’s dreams to keep him company. And then everything started again when he let Caridin and his exacerbated loneliness convince him to revive a story from the past…he should have been wiser, but didn’t they say that men become more sentimental as they grew old? And here he was madly in love at this old and vulnerable age for even if the taint conserved his physical abilities, it did nothing for his mental state. After all the losses he endured, a young and beautiful woman gave him what he had never dreamt of…she offered him things he didn’t even know he was yearning for, a home full of children, a farm like the one he grew up into, a strong and smart son, he could see himself into and a daughter who looked like her grandmother and made him feel that he in some way had overcome the harsh fate and had revived a part of his mother…For he could have killed the whole Orlais, he would have felt only more bitterness when only loving a woman he wasn’t meant to love had been sufficient to resurrect a part of his mother and made him feel at peace with her memory.

It was all good, but now his heart was restless, greedy for more time with them, yearning to dive deeper into the boundless love he was offered for the first time of his life, a love he did nothing to deserve, an unconditional and pure sentiment that only few could taste in their lifetime…now, he didn’t want to leave, he wanted to stay forever with her like this.

“Loghain…” Kallian whispered and the man’s eyes closed as he clenched his jaws hard.

“Please, don’t utter another word,” he begged with the same strangled, hoarse voice.

His grip on her wrists loosened and as soon as she was able to free her hands she put them on each side of his face. She didn’t quite understand what was going on inside his head, but she knew that the calling hanging over him like a sword of Damocles had something to do with this sorrowful anger.

She didn’t speak as he requested. She stayed there holding him close until his ragged breath stabilized and he eventually relaxed into her embrace.

Without a word, she helped him undress and put him to bed, never breaking the contact until he fell asleep in her arms.

“Loghain,” she whispered softly as she planted a kiss on the bridge of his nose and joined him into slumber.

What an odd sense of humor the gods had, offering this to a dying old man and refusing it to a perfectly healthy and young man like commander Cullen…but why accusing some external source of power when we were the ones creating our own fate and destiny.


	39. Lady Mac Tir (Part 1)

Caridin eyes popped open when he realized that the pounding sounds he was hearing weren’t a part of his dream. He raised on one elbow to figure out the source of this early morning nuisance then he realized it came from the other room. A very regular banging against the wall that was accelerating and getting more frantic…When he realized what he was actually listening to, Caridin pushed aside the blankets and started dressing as hastily and quietly as possible leaving hoping he would be out of the room before having to hear anything else.

*******

Aya woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the carriage’s door. She chuckled, rubbing her eyes, of course, Cullen wouldn’t stay mad at her for more than a night, after she gave him a son. Her smile disappeared when she opened the door and saw the new Inquisitor standing outside, carrying a cup of coffee.

“Good morning, Inquisitor,” the man said with an amused smile, it was then when Aya pulled herself together and hid the disappointed expression on her face.

“And good morning to you, Inquisitor,” she smiled taking the cup he offered her.

“Did your mother send you to wake me up?” Aya asked. She knew that it was early in the morning but it was her way to ask why the boy came to wake her up.

“Well, it is still early…in fact, I was the first one to wake up due to…noises.” Caridin said.

“Yeah, nothing worse than waking up to the sounds of your parents fucking, I guess” Lavellan giggled, “or maybe waking up with a knife against the throat, it would be worse…I don’t know,” she added sipping her hot beverage.

“…Is there something that you ignore, Aya Lavellan?” Caridin asked with obvious amusement.

“I listen…I am a very good listener, always paying attention to the slightest details and words coming from people nobody listens to…You see, yesterday, your sister Adaia had mentioned the room you and Kalli were given, she said it was an unoccupied room and for some reasons, she picked a smaller room over this one…always pay attention Inquisitor, more to the people that no one pays attention to, they are the ones with the most interesting tails.” Aya explained.

“I appreciate the advice,” Caridin said.

“It’s a payback for the coffee, as I don’t give free advice,” the dalish winked to the new Inquisitor.

“I wonder what it feels like to stay in love after so many years and as many children?” Aya sighed breaking the silence.

Caridin stared at the former Inquisitor. He was maybe the only one, beside the children, who didn’t have a grudge against her. He had been raised by a woman who took justice and righteousness to the very next level, it put some contrast to what he was used to while being around Aya, the sly dalish who saw the world as not much different than her forest and the different races the biosphere held…the two of them were right to a certain degree, he now realizes that he wouldn’t have liked to have Aya as his mother but he kept having this soft spot for the cunning Inquisitor.

“I personally wonder what it would take to keep this kind of stamina at my father’s age,” He purposely changed the subject to make the sad expression on the woman’s face disappear as she started to laugh.

“It would take some darkspawns blood mixed with whatever the wardens add to it in order to transform their recruits into future darkspawns,” she pointed.

Caridin nodded as his mind started wandering…was it the best decision to reunite his mother with a soon-to-be-dead man, even if he was the love of her life.

**********

Kallian was still surrounded by the thick fog of pleasure when the words fell like the sharp edge of a sword.

Her lack of reaction made Loghain stare at the woman lying naked on his side…her head resting on his arm didn’t move, her eyes didn’t open, and he wondered for a second if she had heard what he said.

The words resonated inside her head like a mean taunting echo ‘…I thought it was better to hear it from me rather than from her.’

Kallian couldn’t move until she started chocking with her own breath, choking with so many questions; why her? Why telling me now? From all women on this earth why her?

She suddenly raised with swift movement and sat on the bed’s edge turning her back to him.

When she trusted her voice not to betray what was going inside her head she spoke with a sarcastic tone;

“She has told me that she had knew no other men before her husband…I should have known better than to believe a liar.”

“I don’t know about that, but I am certain that she didn’t know another man before me,” Loghain calmly said.

Sadness left place to anger after those words, the anger she didn’t see as justified minutes ago was now fighting his way to her heart…what Loghain has done with other women when they were separated was none of her business but to shamelessly brag about being the first man in the Inquisitor’s bed as if to deliberately hurt her was unbearable.

“Leave…” she hissed breathlessly, “please,” she soon added with her head dipped and her thick curls hiding her face from him.

“As you wish,” he coldly said before starting to put his clothes on.


	40. Lady Mac Tir (Part 2)

No one would even say good morning in this house! There was only one question coming back again and again ‘where is mom?’

Hungry children jumping everywhere asking about their mom, some didn’t even change their sleeping clothes. He was the one supposed to maintain order, but the chaos was threatening right now in the absence of the nurturing one…a household was so similar to a country after all.

“Where is mom?” Adaia asked.

“She…is still resting,” Loghain said.

“He needs to be changed and fed, and not only him,” Adaia informed her father before putting Caridin in his arms and fleeing down stairs.

Loghain looked at the squirming toddler, then he decided that it was time to ask someone for help.

*******

Caridin was talking with Lavellan in the living room.

“You! Make yourself useful boy, and go prepare some breakfast for the little ones,” Loghain said as firmly as possible.

“There is another lady Mac Tir taking care of it right now,” Caridin grinned.

Loghain sighed and went back upstairs to change the boy and help the younger children get dressed.

********

Kallian stared at herself in the mirror for a while.

Even if they never talked about it, she knew he had other women…Prostitutes, she guessed, as all wardens had, but to learn now, that he had something with the Inquisitor when she was still a maiden…she knew that it couldn’t have been insignificant or shallow…She was an exciting and sly woman, and of course, Loghain wouldn’t miss an occasion to snatch her from her very handsome and blond lover.

It was so obvious…How quick Loghain was to forgive the woman after attempting to murder him. How he tolerated her cheekiness and how Lavellan teased him and picked at her…it was as obvious as it could be…But she didn’t see anything, she and the commander were the dumb ones…

She had no right to be angry. It was the past. She could have also taken lovers…but she didn’t…It was not Loghain’s fault that she chose not to…she couldn’t blame him for it or for missing so many chances with Teagan and Nathaniel who had been almost a father to her children…she couldn’t blame him for being the first one to fall in love and the only one who kept an oath they never had…

One quick movement and then followed the sound of the commotion as the many bottles on her dressing tables crashed to the floor.

She had no right to be angry in the eyes of the logic, but now she knew why they said that women considered logic as an enemy. He had slept with Lavellan the dalish harpy behind the back of the man she was dating and never told her about it then when she was still reluctant about getting back with him…and now after all this and after what she had confessed to him last night, he threw it on her face like a sharp giggle in the middle of a funeral…

Kallian carefully washed the tears from her face and braided her hair the same way she used to do when she was a warden, then she put on trousers not a housewife’s dress…Now she was ready to face them she thought as she applied her red lipstick.

*********

Kalli was heating the milk and buttering some toasts while keeping an eye on the eggs cooking on the pan. 

“You are saving my life,” Loghain said entering the kitchen.

Kalli smiled faintly at him and went back to her task.

“I have faced every creature in Thedas and the fade, but I have never found one to be as frightening as a horde of hungry children,” he added.

Kalli finally laughed and put aside the knife and the toasts.

“I am glad to help, father,” and she added quickly, “do you mind if I call you father?”

“Not at all,” Loghain said courteously.

“Good,” the girl said taking the milk and the eggs from the stove.

“I saw you playing with little Gary, yesterday, father…you were playing some kind of... tug of war I think, was it?” 

“He likes to chew on stuff lately,” Loghain said, he didn’t really know where the conversation was leading but he had a little idea. "...we also play fetch, if it interests you," he added.

“I recently met the Queen, your daughter, and the King…so I kept wondering, how a man who raised such a dignified and proper daughter would play with his young son as if it was a dog? Was it due to the mother’s race? Enlighten me, please… father,” Kalli said with a low voice.

“You already made your mind about the subject, and it is a loss of time to try to justify yourself before someone who already hates you,” Loghain calmly said.

Kalli giggled, “Something tells me that you never justify yourself before the ones who love you either.”

Loghain was about to turn around and leave when he stopped and said,

“I often restrain from giving advice as I see no utility on them, but as you are calling me father, I would tell you this,”

Kalli smirked with disgust at the man before her.

“You are full of anger, you hid it till now, but the more confident you get, the more it will show…Anger is not bad on itself, it is born for a good reason, which is to supplant a sentiment of helplessness, but, girl, if you decide to live with it will denature you, it will allow no other sentiment to flourish, this very anger who empowers you now will take you down later…and you will look at your life and find nothing but barren plains,” Loghain said looking the elf on the eyes…he was not ready to tell the story of his life but she probably would ask her husband…and hopefully she could break through this.

“I will tell the children that breakfast is ready,”

“Yes, do,” the astonished elf said with a low voice.

***********

Caridin sat there, on the couch, trying to understand what was going on as his mother, who just came out of her room, and Lavellan held a staring contest…his mother didn’t answer his good morning or even looked at him once, she was glaring at the sitting Aya without a word.

He watched as Aya finally break into a smirk, a very taunting and meaningful one that made his mother almost hiss before departing with firm steps.

Then he witnessed Aya’s smile disappearing and letting a place to eyes full of fear…almost panicking…

It took him a moment, but he knew…the old man told her…damn him! he would be a pain in the ass until his last breath.


	41. The son

Lavellan sighed in exhaustion as she entered the room. She took a chair facing the man sitting at the table and who wouldn’t raise his head from the book he was reading.

“Oh my, your children are surely a handful, Mac Tir,” she finally said.

The man raised his head to stare at the dalish without saying a word.

“I also noticed that they are very…colorful, as if you did it on purpose to gather every race in Thedas,” she smiled.

“We didn’t pick them by race if you hadn’t noticed,” he coldly answered.

“Yes, I did but I think it is fun nonetheless!” Lavellan laughed then added “but do you really intend to give them your last name, like a father would do, or you consider yourself more like a tutor?”

“They are our children,” the man said with the same cold expression.

“What will your daughter the Queen think about it?”

“Last I noticed I am still her father and a free man.” Free from titles, free from crushing duties and heartbreaking decision to make…he was free to be a man, not some legend.

“I am impressed,” Lavellan honestly said, raising her eyebrows “you turned your fate into a destiny…You truly fulfilled the prophecy of your name,”

“Is that so,” Loghain said without hiding his boredom from this forced guest.

“You will be the father of many future tribes of all races, carrying your name and your legacy…You came back to her, she who despises barrenness and you can now truly claim that you are her son, the son of the Land,” Lavellan smiled to Loghain before raising from her chair to leave the room.

Loghain reached and grabbed her arm without leaving his seat.

They stared at each other for a while.

“I ignore why you told her about what happened between us years ago, and I don’t even want to know your intentions, but now, one word of her is sufficient to break everything between Cullen and me,”

“You should have told me, back then, about the other man you were seeing before you sneak into my tent, or at least confessed it to him afterwards,” Loghain said remembering how Lavellan came to him almost every night on their journey to Skyhold and how her visits ceased after they reached the fortress and then he had learned about her Commander betrothed.

Lavellan smiled and said, “he would have never forgiven this disloyalty,” then she leaned over to whisper on the sitting man’s ear “Furthermore, I cannot ask for forgiveness when I feel no regret whatsoever about what we had done,”

Lavellan kept staring at him, their mouths separated only by few inches…She would have thrown herself at him if only she had seen just a hint of lust in his blue eyes but they remained cold as ice as he let go of her arm.

She stood back ready to leave when he added,

“You should maybe decide, Lavellan; you cannot be afraid of the ruin of your marriage while you are trying so relentlessly to sabotage it yourself,” Loghain said before returning his attention to the book in his hand.

*******

“Mother,”

The voice calling her brought her back from her thoughts.

Kallian turned around to look at her son’s wife.

“How did you know I was here?” Kallian frowned. She had taken a horse and went as far as possible from her house in an attempt to see clearly into the situation and into her heart.

“I…asked Adaia about the most peaceful place around and she indicated this place,” Kalli said, tying her horse beside the warden’s horse.

“I don’t want to be rude, Kalli but I really need to be alone…”

“I know mother,” Kalli said but kept walking toward the woman. “I came here because it may be the only chance I have to talk to you about a matter,”

“What kind of matter?” Kallian was intrigued, it was so unusual to see the girl acting this way.

“You shouldn’t be with this man, mother…you shouldn’t be with Loghain Mac Tir,” The girl said with confidence.

Kallian blinked several times…did the girl know about him and her mother? Or was it even worse than what he had told her?

“What do you mean?”

“I have read every book or document speaking about him, both written by his admirers and his detractors yet I have reached the same conclusion over and over again, Loghain is the kind of man for who loving his country and his kin means hating the others…it means for him that they are superior and in conclusion, everybody else is inferior beasts he can step on…Mother, did you know why he took in elves in his war against Orlais? They report, that it was to save the human soldiers…they almost all died…he threw them to his enemy like a diversion, like fools sent into suicidal missions…He abused you so much, and at such a young age, that you no longer can tell truth from lies,”

Kallian shook her head, she already knew everything about the man, and she didn’t need this, right now,

“Kalli, Loghain and I are beyond all these things…”

The girl grasped Kallian’s shoulder and looked at her with wide eyes,

“Can’t you see? For him you are nothing but a toy…he would have replaced you if he had found better.”

The words hurt and Kallian found out that something inside her would never heal, something that would always make them look like two tightrope walkers trying to keep a precarious balance…

“…for this, I beg you, don’t let him have his ultimate victory over you, and leave him, leave him know the lonely and cold death he deserves,” the young woman begged as the words resonated inside Kallian’s head awakening on her a new feeling and tracing the lines of some other implications.

*************

“Why?”

Loghain was waiting for this question, as he closed his eyes and put the book down immediately.

“I am beginning to believe in my wife’s words when she says that you enjoy torturing the Warden and playing with her mind,” Caridin was enraged.

“Would you close the door, first?” Loghain calmly asked and the answer came with a great crash as Caridin shoved the door with his foot but never, not for a second, did he stopped glaring at the man sitting in a corner of the room.


	42. Black and pink

After a whole minute of the strangest staring contest between father and son, Loghain decided to break the silence

“First I should bring your attention to the fact that whatever happens between your mother and I is none of your business.” The boy’s glare didn’t falter as he didn’t seem very impressed by Loghain’s commanding voice. “Second, although, I have no need or time to explain myself to a boy, I will answer your question…The Warden may have acquired, over the years, the skills of a warrior and the wisdom of an Arl, yet she, unfortunately, still have the heart of a seventeen years old girl who sees love as flying above the clouds or crying herself to sleep in a dark room, she perceive only two colors, the black, and the pink…I have no wish to see her staying alone when the moment will come for me to go to the Deep Roads. And I am certain that you agree with my vision even if my methods do not please you,” Loghain concluded waiting to see the rage replaced with understanding in his son’s eyes…But the boy’s expression hardened, cold rage and blatant despise met him instead.

“Do you know why I wanted to reunite you with her so badly, Loghain? It’s thanks to her seventeen years old heart that refused to let another man in…It was not because you are my father or because I thought that you were a great man…In fact, after this, I regret what I have done…Kalli was right, I should have refrained from throwing my mother into the arms of a sick scoundrel,”

“The only reason you became Inquisitor, boy, was the lame attempt of Lavellan to get back to your mother, and even a dalish raised in the woods seems to have done a better job than you, yet you feel like somehow you are detaining the absolute truth and have the right to insult me…I was fighting against an Empire at your age,” Loghain said coldly, using his most intimidating expression, yet the boy in front of him only laughed, "What's next? do you want us to compare the size of our balls?" The new Inquisitor mocked.

“...But,yes, of course, you are the great hero, an unmatched warrior, strategist and general…strong body, mind, and will…the one who handed the kingdom back to weak boy-king and who by doing so has earned the right to put his own blood on the throne…Yes of course, you are all of this, but, father…” the boy leaned closer and said, looking the older man in the eyes “you are more than this, you are a sadistic bastard who enjoys going after the kind-hearted and principled women, the ones who can love, as not every person has this capacity, as you already know, and then you do all your possible to break them to the point of driving them away…after leaving your permanent mark on them, though,” Caridin said waiting for the unmoved man before him to have the slightest reaction.

“You have crossed the limits boy,” Loghain uttered after a long silence “you shall remember that you are in my house,” He couldn’t believe he was left with this only argument to try and shut his boy up before he brought some other things to the surface.

Caridin chuckled, “This is not your house, father…this house was bought by the Warden and filled with every silly dream a silly seventeen years old can have and the silly love she felt and the imaginary promise she kept in her silly heart…silly, silly girl…Yeah, teach her a lesson, dad…teach her so she can learn how silly she is and how maturity means jumping from a partner to another depending on circumstances and…weather.” 

He added as he left his seat "You had a chance to make her a part of your life, back then when she was a girl with your baby in her arms,and you were a Teyrn,but you chose not to, Now you must keep in mind that she had the kindness to take you back and make you a part of HER life, so suck it up and be whatever she needs you to be or go already to the deep roads!"

Caridin left…Loghain had imagined the boy’s impressed look as he would tell him about his deeper plan to make the warden more sentimentally detached and mature…He was expecting admiration and understanding…not the be stared at as if he was the dirt on someone’s boots, nor to feel so sick at the heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and the shortness of this chapter. I had some personal matters to deal with, but wish me luck and the strength to finish this story beautifully.


	43. His mirror

Kallian took a deep breath, enjoying the moist fresh air of the late afternoon. She had lost track of time, all she knew was that the sun would soon set and that she had no desire to go back home…when she started envisaging to spend the night under the clear sky of the early summer, she heard someone approaching. She smiled at the thought that she was able to identify him only by his footsteps, then her smile quickly died…was it wise to love someone this much?

She kept looking straight at the magnificent view before her, ignoring the man who was, now standing near her, under the centenarian tree.

“Aren’t you coming back home?” He asked, making his voice sound as normal as possible.

“I don’t want to,” she said without looking at him.

“The children are acting like a horde of Darkspawns, you know,” he attempted.

“There are enough adults in the house to take care of that,” she said nonchalantly.

There was no escape from this conversation, he had to say it now…He sat beside her, as close as her ‘leave me alone’ aura allowed him.

“Are you tired, of this life…of me?” she finally asked when she made sure that he wasn’t planning on leaving her alone.

“of course not,” he said.

“Lavellan wasn’t going to tell me about what happened between you, was she?…I saw it in her eyes, she played tough, but I could see the fear in her eyes…she fears her husband’s reaction if he learns about it,” Kallian calmly said, still not looking at him.

“…You are probably right,” he confessed with a low voice.

And it intrigued Kallian…She didn’t expect him to confess, so easily, without denying or feigning ignorance.

“So why, then?” her voice came strangled as she finally stared at him.

The wind blow on the tree’s branches, made it sound like a sharp laughter mocking and taunting her…

“I… a few hours ago, I would have said that I had your best interest in mind, that since Lavellan had informed me of her failed attempt to push you to marry her Templar husband years ago, I was thinking that maybe you should start to envisage such a union when I am gone to the Deep Roads, That this story would make it easy for you…”

Loghain slowly turned his head to glance at his wife’s expression, and she was frowning.

“you thought I would hate you? You think that after all the things we came through, I would now start envisaging to take Lavellan’s husband as a revenge act? Do you even know me?” Kallian’s voice trembled, rage and despair…did she utterly failed her woman’s life after betting so much on the wrong man?

“I found out that it was not the reason I did so…”

Kallian frowned again, glaring and hasting him to finish this sentence.

“I did this because I am a sadistic bastard,” he said repeating Caridin’s words. “…and you are deeply in love with this vile son of a bitch,”

“Lies! You have never thought of yourself on those terms! You had always seen yourself as justified and within your rights!” She argued in disbelief.

Loghain kept staring at her intensely, “Did I?”

Kallian shook her head, “I don’t understand this, I don’t understand you anymore…I…” she bit her lower lip, staring at the sunset colors.

“Forgive me,” he said his voice low and hoarse.

“No,” she said, visibly shocked by him asking for forgiveness, he had never done this, not even after killing half of the country! “Not if you don’t tell me a reason for…all of this”

“I already told you the deep reason for it,” he said.

“Say it again!” she hissed “because I didn’t catch it,”

Loghain swiftly grabbed the back of her neck and drew her face closer to his, making her hands reach for his chest for support.

“I told you that I am a sadistic bastard, I wanted to hurt you, I wanted to fill your eyes with tears,” he repeated through clenched teeth, his mouth inches from hers,

“This is not true!” Kallian’s hands cupped his face, her eyes lighting again with the same fire. “This is not true,” she repeated as she pulled him slowly into her embrace and felt his tense body relax in her arms.

“…and I came hoping for you to tell me that it wasn’t true,” he whispered. “To tell me who I am,”

“You are the only man I have ever loved, the best lover and the best father... and you are as I have always pictured you, strong, proud and protective…a force of nature, so deserving of every bit of my undying love.”

 _‘Keep seeing yourself through my eyes, until my expectations and wishful thoughts become your truth’_ Kallian planted thousands of kisses on his neck and along his jaws praying silently _‘let yourself fall completely into my arms and I will be the only mirror you will ever need’_

This absolute truth, she once believed in, was indeed overrated, as everyone created their own truth through their beliefs…and she utterly believed in Loghain Mac Tir.


	44. The fit and the unfit

Kalli sat on the bed looking at her husband undressing and preparing for bed…Caridin tried his best to ignore the sighs of his woman and the thoughtful look on her face yet his resolve faltered as always when it came to the young elf,

“I know I will regret this…” he said sitting in front of her. “But do you want to talk about it?”

“How can you be in a good mood when you are aware of how your mother is being manipulated? I hoped that she was about to break free from him, but they came back together, holding hands and whispering like young lovers… Are you totally oblivious Caridin…or is it a complicit silence?” Kalli’s words exploded like a fountain of rage and sorrow…He knew her heart, he knew that it wasn’t about his parents, it wasn’t even about her own parents, Kalli had been hurt and her growing anger would ravage everything…He had hoped that his affection would be enough but since he became Inquisitor, he had neglected this side of their relationship.

“My love,” he said patiently, “how many times did you meet my mother? Two times? I used to live with her.”

“I do know that she is kind and soft-hearted…”

“She is not, she is THE Warden, she is the personification of justice implacable, unbending, self-assured and righteous…” Caridin shook his head searching for a stronger word to make Kalli understand that Kallian Tabris is not some fool, Loving Loghain and forgiving him for everything was the only thing that kept her from turning into a spirit of justice burning with the divine flame.

The door opened and Caridin heard his mother’s voice

“What’s wrong, is wrong for everyone…those are the words to keep in mind when you want to follow the path of justice.”

“Mother,” Kalli mumbled, her face turning red.

“I came to bring you extra blankets but since I heard that you were talking about me, I thought that I would be the best person to explain this to you, Kalli,” Kallian put the blankets she was carrying on the bed and said to the mortified elven girl

“what my son was trying to tell you is that I am not the person you are imagining, I have sentenced to death more criminals than Howe and Loghain reunited…My dungeons were empty, I do not believe in the efficiency of putting a bunch of men in cells and leaving them to beat and rape each others and then release them in the society more monstrous than what they were before…it’s a public beating, an execution or returning what they stole for thieves…”

“Well, Howe and Loghain preferred to kill innocents, I assume,” Kalli muttered.

Caridin laughed, Kalli was truly stubborn and she would refuse to see the former warden as anything but a scorned kind-hearted maiden.

“I have also burned witches on the stick,” Kallian added raising one eyebrow.

“Witches? Like the witch of the wild?” Kalli asked with a surprised voice, she had always thought that dealing with mages was the duty of Templars.

“Not really, the witches I talk about were not the natural born mages, they were normal humans dealing with the other side, using blood as currency, the blood of innocents…the children they cut out of the belly of their consenting mothers,” the Warden said her face twisted with anger and disgust.

“They were practicing abortions?” Kalli asked.

“Yes that’s what they called it, I personally call it murder…those women in Amaranthine and Gwaren offered free services to rid the heartless women of their own progeny and they used the dead fetuses to do all sort of rituals…one of them, used to cook them into dumplings and sell this ‘delicacy’ to rich women as a rejuvenating cure…I arrested her personally and she tried to curse me then…she ended up on the stick and her tongue cut and nailed beside her,” Kallian simply said.

Kalli stared skeptically at the tiny woman before her then she glanced at her husband inquiring about the veracity of the stories she just heard.

“Everything is true,” he laughed. “The Warden Arlessa of Amaranthine and Ruler of Gwaren cannot forgive those who harm children,” He added.

“And I sleep soundly at night, as I have never condemned an innocent,” Kalli said.

“Yeah, except that little boy, you and the witch of the wilds condemned to become the vessel of an unclean spirit…No?” Aya said as she stood at the open door frame, leaning nonchalantly against it.

Kallian and Kalli glared at the smiling dalish woman, while Caridin rolled his eyes…he had dared to hope for a calm and quiet night after the reconciliation of his parents. But Aya seemed like a tenacious dog who had caught a juicy bone.

“Mother, what are you doing here?” Kalli asked coldly.

“I came to kiss you goodnight my sweet child, but I overheard the Warden boasting about her great sense of justice, so…” the former Inquisitor shrugged, waiting for the warden’s reaction.

“You have once told me that children were the property of their mothers and that they were free to do with them whatever they wanted, killing or selling them…”Kallian said.

“Yes I did, and I still think this,” Aya persisted.

“So this disqualifies you from partaking in any serious discussion about this matter,” Kallian said calmly. Her calm enraging the dalish.

“You are almost illiterate, Kallian Tabris, yet it doesn’t seem that it has kept you from giving your points of view,” Aya said, her lips twisted into a smirk. Her growing anger and the rush of blood between her ears prevented her from hearing the steps of the tall man who was now standing right behind her.

“You are right, Lavellan, yet her intelligence resides in her heart, and she sees what nobody else can perceive with their cold logic,” Loghain said, and he leaned forward and added near the dalish’s pointed ear “this is how she was the only one who succeeded at unraveling you schemes and chased you away from your Inquisitorial throne,”

Lavellan’s expression twisted into anger but she was able to shift it to a more sarcastic and defiant one…Kalli glared at her mother and Loghain, Kallian glanced lovingly at her husband and Caridin couldn’t seem more annoyed than at this moment,

“Good people, are you planning on having a deep conversation in my room? Because I can totally go sleep on a bench outside, so feel free to…”

“Your father and I are exhausted, we are leaving now. Good night,” Kallian said and left the room quickly passing by Lavellan and reaching for her husband’s hand to pull him to their room.

Lavellan stood there for a while staring at her daughter,

“So you think that children are the property of their parents, mother?...It would explain a lot about you,” Kalli said.

“No, not the property of their parents, they are the property of their mothers,” Aya added with a grin.

“Good night Inquisitor,” Caridin said interrupting this hazardous discussion and closing the door on Aya’s face. Unfortunately, when he was finally under the blankets Kalli’s sulking voice came to his ears,

“I can’t believe that you are simply going to sleep after this,”

“My pretty dove, it has been a long day with the children running around and making a mess…aren’t you tired?” he tried to negotiate.

“I cannot sleep, I want to talk, talk to me about anything, I am listening,” Kalli was not having any of this and he reluctantly sat on the bed and sighed…He had to talk his beloved wife and all the demons infesting her head to sleep.

************

 

“Do you recall the old witch doctor in Gwaren?” Kallian asked.

“Not really,” Loghain answered…He had hoped that Kallian would never bring this subject to the table…He had hoped.

“When I caught her, she said that Teyrn Loghain had given her permission to practice on his lands…is it true?” Kallian said, folding her arms on her chest and staring at the naked man sitting in the filled tub. Drops of water dripped from his black hair on his perfectly wide shoulders…His hairy chest rising and falling at an imperceptible regular rhythm indicated nothing of the trouble she was stirring inside his heart.

“I probably did,” he simply said, his eyes becoming colder.

Kallian walked to him and knelt beside him…she took the bath rag from the edge of the tub and dipped it in the hot water and started cleaning his back…she didn’t want him to withdraw to his cold shell of protection and rise the ice wall between them ever again.

“it was not a taunt, I wanted to know why…I didn’t let the old hag explain herself as the only thing I wanted was a confession, and she gladly confessed selling dumpling soups made with fetuses and fetuses remains to apprentice doctors who wanted to study the life at its source…she even tried to convince me to eat her soup…but why would you let that abomination take place on your land?” Kallian asked;

Loghain grabbed his wife’s arm and pulled her closer so their faces were separated by mere inches.

“What would the great warden think of me, if I confess how the woman convinced me to allow her to practice? Would it not be easier…wiser to remain ignorant about some matters of the past?” he whispered.

“I know you are not the same man, now…I know it, my love...” Kallian softly put her hands on each side of the man’s face. “But my curiosity sometimes gets the best of me…this is not an interrogation…you can…”

“I went to her, I had the intention to put an end to what she was doing on my land…Celia knew her, she had suggested that I go to see her by myself first, before taking guards with me to arrest her… I entered her house and she was not even afraid of me, she told me that I and she were on the same side that we were cleaning this nation and taking the trash out…” Loghain stopped to examine the expression of his wife…she was holding her breath, she was far from an idiot, she had by know understood the argument that had made him make an alliance with the vile sorceress.

“unbalance between the birth rate of the ‘unfit’ and the ‘fit,’ admittedly the greatest present menace to civilization, can never be rectified by the inauguration of a cradle competition between these two classes…Abortion, often denounced as a violation of natural law, is nothing more or less than the facilitation of the process of weeding out the unfit, of preventing the birth of defectives or of those who will become defectives, human weeds, reckless breeders, spawning... human beings who never should have been born.** Those were her words,” Loghain said.

“And it convinced you…” it was not a question? It was a realization…Kallian tried to suppress the horror she felt, but her voice came out hoarse, she was losing a fight with her own tears and she finally grabbed the edge of the tub and dipped her head and let them fall to the ground.

“yes, at the time her words convinced me, that and the fact that my wife seemed to agree with her,” Loghain never talked about his wife, he even now felt more miserable and desperate as he used her to justify the decision he had made…even if it was the absolute truth…it was her indulgence toward the witch that made him reconsider…

“I told you that some things are better to remain unveiled,” his voice was angry as he glanced at the kneeling woman and her tears..

“Take me in your arms,” it was but a whisper…

“What?” he was surprised…he must have misheard it.

“take me in your arms,” she repeated, now looking at him with her big eyes filled with tears, “her words hurt me to the core…who would say such words…they aren’t human words, they come from the dark realm, the realm with no love in it,” Kallian sobbed.

Loghain swiftly took his wife in his arms and raised from the tub. He carried her to the bed…she was still a child…a woman who would bare the slash of swords but that a few words can hurt so deeply.

He knew how to erase the impact of those words of pure hatred…

“Kallian, I am going to make love to you…” he whispered burying his face in her neck “do you hear me, love?” He felt a little bit ridiculous…at his age, uttering such words as ‘making love’ but he had to…he had to tell her, he wasn’t going to fuck her or bed her, he was going to put all the love she had given him into this and make her feel how much she was surrounded by it, how much she was loved and safe with him…he owed her this. And he would gladly remind her of it till God decided to call him back to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** Those are not my words, they are quotes from the eugenist Margaret Sanger AKA the "mother" of Planned Parenthood.


End file.
